How do you feel about bachelor parties and nudie bars?

LindaPinda43011

So TGIF sparked this thought. . . "Am I nuts or not???"

Long story short,
FI's bachelor party was last weekend.  his best man and another groomsman call and ask "what do you not want to happen because we don't want to disrespect you."  I say, I know you guys will end up at a boobie bar, FI can have a lap dance - but not in the champagne room - it has to be out in the open with everyone around.

Well, they go to a full nude bar in Mass. (which I didn't even know full nude existed) and they get him a lap dance and he has to go to the "lap dance room" and he says he was protesting (because he knew I'd be mad) but his friends pushed him and the stripper was pulling him and he went because of the guy pressure thing. 

So I find this out and I'm furious -- with him a little; he should have known better, but more at his friends, because they pushed him into a lap dance in the private room.  Apparently, this place has a lap dance room and a champagne room, so apparently I was not specific enough!  grrrr and on top of it all, it was one thing to tolerate boobies in Fi's face, but a vajayjay in his face puts me over the edge!

So, what do you all think? Am I being too uptight?  We're not fighting about it and I'm kind of over it (guys will be guys and bachelor parties have strippers, etc), but I'm just wondering what other ladies think. . .

Am I nuts or not???

SuMmErKuTiE

You're definietley not nuts! I'd be furious if that was my DH! Thankfully H didn't want to go to a strip club for his bachelor party and we ended up doing a semi-combined party bus trip to the casino. (party bus was co-ed, but once we got there we split up girls and guys). DH and most of his friends aren't really fans of strip clubs which is awesome, but a few of his friends are but none of them really pushed for it and respected his wishes not to include it in his festivities.

In my brutally honest opinion, I think it's disgusting that it's a "tradition" for a man to go to a strip club and get a lap dance right before he gets married. It's not his last night out as a single man. He was no longer single once he got into a serious committed relationship. Marriage shouldn't be celebrated by having another naked woman grinding on the groom to be. I have no problem with my H seeing other boobies, but I don't want them rubbed on his face and the stripper grinding on his lap. That just crosses a line that I think should be for just him and his wife. There are plenty of fun ways to celebrate a bachelor party without it involving strippers, and most of my guy friends who have gotten married or attended bachelor parties and stags had a blast at their parties that didn't involve strippers. Sorry for the rant, but that's my 2 cents.

mwitter80

I am on the opposite side of the argument I guess. I could really care less about this. It doesn't bother me in the least when DH goes. I trust him and don't view this as cheating in anyway.

 Your FI wasn't trying to disrespect you, they were just having a good time.  I think he should win points for being honest about it. I have lots of male friends, and have been the only female at multiple bachelor parties. I can only remember one where the groom didn't end up at strip club and all of the other guys who did end up swore us to secrecy about it, because they knew their brides would be mad about it. All of these we ended up in Mass because of the full nude rules as well. Almost every time was at a place called Mardi Gras. I would rather know the truth.

Side note on the full nude: Most of them in Mass are full nude and becuase of this all lap dances are given in a special room and not out on the floor. They want to make sure the women do not get touched or malled by men in an open space. They have more security control this way.

JTink0609

I have to agree with mwittier on this one. As long as A) he's honest with you about it and he comes home to you for the real deal I don't see a problem.

If you have a moral objection to strip clubs in general than maybe thats something you need to discuss with your FI so he can see where you're coming from so something like this doesn't happen in the future.

SuMmErKuTiE

I definitely agree that at least he was honest with you, I'd much rather know about it than to be naive. I'm just of the party that it's not appropriate for a married man or an almost married man to be thrown into that situation in "celebration of the marriage". It's an oxy-moron (sp?) to me.

Mona8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_feel-bachelor-parties-nudie-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:54952426-9f1a-4367-96b2-bba7c33778a5Post:9ba6a19d-7ded-4460-8ff9-5d16fb3c0e52">Re: How do you feel about bachelor parties and nudie bars?</a>:
[QUOTE]I definitely agree that at least he was honest with you, I'd much rather know about it than to be naive. I'm just of the party that it's not appropriate for a married man or an almost married man to be thrown into that situation in "celebration of the marriage". It's an oxy-moron (sp?) to me.
Posted by SuMmErKuTiE[/QUOTE]

^^ This ^^

jessuhmarie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_feel-bachelor-parties-nudie-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:54952426-9f1a-4367-96b2-bba7c33778a5Post:46d6ea16-1b45-4de9-86a0-81b6b92a1ecd">Re: How do you feel about bachelor parties and nudie bars?</a>:
[QUOTE]You're definietley not nuts! I'd be furious if that was my DH! Thankfully H didn't want to go to a strip club for his bachelor party and we ended up doing a semi-combined party bus trip to the casino. (party bus was co-ed, but once we got there we split up girls and guys). DH and most of his friends aren't really fans of strip clubs which is awesome, but a few of his friends are but none of them really pushed for it and respected his wishes not to include it in his festivities. <strong><em>In my brutally honest opinion, I think it's disgusting that it's a "tradition" for a man to go to a strip club and get a lap dance right before he gets married. It's not his last night out as a single man. He was no longer single once he got into a serious committed relationship. Marriage shouldn't be celebrated by having another naked woman grinding on the groom to be. I have no problem with my H seeing other boobies, but I don't want them rubbed on his face and the stripper grinding on his lap. That just crosses a line that I think should be for just him and his wife. There are plenty of fun ways to celebrate a bachelor party without it involving strippers</em></strong>, and most of my guy friends who have gotten married or attended bachelor parties and stags had a blast at their parties that didn't involve strippers. Sorry for the rant, but that's my 2 cents.
Posted by SuMmErKuTiE[/QUOTE]

banana468

I think that as long as he's honest with you, there should be no harm.

There's also a huge aspect of this being his bachelor party.  I think if he were to go to strip clubs all the time and say, "But baby I was HONEST!" then that would be a big problem too.

I think it's all about an understanding the two of you have and coming to an agreement about it.

DH didn't go to a strip club for his bachelor party but he was at one in Canada for his brother's party and it was fully nude.  He had a few lap dances but as long as he came to me for the real deal it was fine. 

IMO the most important thing is that the two of you have an agreement on what is and isn't OK and that you're honest with each other.  There should be no mandates by either spouse IMO.

Vanessa630

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_feel-bachelor-parties-nudie-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:54952426-9f1a-4367-96b2-bba7c33778a5Post:9ba6a19d-7ded-4460-8ff9-5d16fb3c0e52">Re: How do you feel about bachelor parties and nudie bars?</a>:
[QUOTE]I definitely agree that at least he was honest with you, I'd much rather know about it than to be naive.<strong> I'm just of the party that it's not appropriate for a married man or an almost married man to be thrown into that situation in "celebration of the marriage". It's an oxy-moron (sp?) to me.</strong>
Posted by SuMmErKuTiE[/QUOTE]

Completely agree.

newportjulie

I definitely see your concerns and distaste for that trashy stuff. You can find comfort in knowing that pretty much all the girls there are disgusting and look awful. I'm sure he didn't touch and he's still coming home to you. It's one night. If it turned into a yearly guy trip then I'd take serious issue. I say let it go this time. 

jacki8788

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_feel-bachelor-parties-nudie-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:54952426-9f1a-4367-96b2-bba7c33778a5Post:0c90501d-7ffc-49ed-b388-f0381c296a37">Re: How do you feel about bachelor parties and nudie bars?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you feel about bachelor parties and nudie bars? :
Posted by jessuhmarie[/QUOTE]


I completely agree that it's disrespectful and pointless, and you have every reason to be upset. I already let my FI's best man/groomsmen know--NO strippers. I'm still worried his best man will try to make it happen anyway, but I would be pissed and wouldn't be able to just "let it go".

Salamandy24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_feel-bachelor-parties-nudie-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:54952426-9f1a-4367-96b2-bba7c33778a5Post:776e1a2a-8b5b-4e53-86a2-2540c20e9c6f">Re: How do you feel about bachelor parties and nudie bars?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am on the opposite side of the argument I guess. I could really care less about this. It doesn't bother me in the least when DH goes. I trust him and don't view this as cheating in anyway.  Your FI wasn't trying to disrespect you, they were just having a good time.  I think he should win points for being honest about it. I have lots of male friends, and have been the only female at multiple bachelor parties. I can only remember one where the groom didn't end up at strip club and all of the other guys who did end up swore us to secrecy about it, because they knew their brides would be mad about it. All of these we ended up in Mass because of the full nude rules as well. Almost every time was at a place called Mardi Gras. I would rather know the truth. Side note on the full nude: Most of them in Mass are full nude and becuase of this all lap dances are given in a special room and not out on the floor. They want to make sure the women do not get touched or malled by men in an open space. They have more security control this way.
Posted by mwitter80[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This exactly. It doesn't bother me in the slightest if FI wants to go get a lap dance. It's definitely not cheating in my book, since the girl is just doing her job. He's marrying YOU, who cares if he wants to have a little fun with the guys?</div>

Abeja1226

I don't think you are being uptight at all, but then again I am not comfortable with FI being at a strip club at all.  I'm  not a jealous type at all,  we don't have any of those issues in our relationship, I am just extremely against the whole idea of strip clubs.  I think it is stupid and the whole "that's what guys do" reason doesn't really fly with me.  FI has been to plenty of strip clubs with his friends plenty of times so I don't see the need to go for his bachelor party.  (He didn't go to any while we have been dating).

I feel like he wouldn't want me putting my boobs in some random guys face, so why should it be okay for him to have a dirty strippers boobs in his face, let alone her other body parts (yes full nude exists and some strippers are especially raunchy if they think the guy is young and cute - which of course my FI is! Lol).
They also do alot of "hands on" things and put their mouths on places they shouldn't (I know this because he's told me they've done that to him).  You can call me uptight, prude, a feminist, whatever, but I think it's very wrong to do this if you are in a relationship and especially getting married!

For FI's bachelor party I am fine with him doing whatever as long as there are no naked/semi naked girls involved.  I don't really care what his friends say, he knows how I feel.  BTW it is nice that they called and asked you what you wouldn't want, but then they went against it in the end which is kind of confusing...

Melissa603

I like the rule that was at a party my FI went to (we were still dating at the time) and he said he is invoking it for his "no women and no drugs" I think it makes sense and I like it. I won't be worrying as much about what is going on.

Tlongo

I completely agree with the OP.  I won't mind my FI getting a lap dance in an open room.  I hope nothing else is happening in those private rooms but who knows.  I also didn't know they had full nude strip clubs.  Having someone else boobies is his face is definitely bad enough.

Definitely going to make sure FI and BM know the ground rules for his bachelor party 

badkittyct

I honestly don't care if FI did that, but having gone to a strip club before I just don't see the point. The strippers aren't really much to look at. If he wants some gross vajayjay wriggling around so be it but he darn well better shower before he comes near me! I think it was disrespectful of his friends, but he told you what happened so no biggie.

My FI actually wants to go river tubing for his bach party. Pretty tame. Lol

banana468

I believe you can find fully nude clubs all over the country. Often what the show and their alcohol license are related for some reason. In Canada they're fully nude and you can touch everything but "the cookie".

LindaPinda43011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_feel-bachelor-parties-nudie-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:54952426-9f1a-4367-96b2-bba7c33778a5Post:a93f6232-baa8-4c31-82ae-5f8240f89afa">Re: How do you feel about bachelor parties and nudie bars?</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly don't care if FI did that, but having gone to a strip club before I just don't see the point. The strippers aren't really much to look at. If he wants some gross vajayjay wriggling around so be it but he darn well better shower before he comes near me! I think it was disrespectful of his friends, but he told you what happened so no biggie. My FI actually wants to go<strong> river tubing</strong> for his bach party. Pretty tame. Lol
Posted by badkittyct[/QUOTE]

Ha!  FI and his buds started with go karting! :)

Thanks for all the feedback ladies!  I had my bachelorette party this weekend and got a lap dance and gave one - BUT- it was with drag queens at Lucky Cheng's in NYC.  Sooooo fun! :)