Bridesmaid Question-Sorry for the Rant

talli2105

Hello,

I am a new knottie.  My wedding is 9/1/12.  I have a situation with one of my bridesmaids that I need some input on.  Sorry in advance for the vent.  My bridesmaid, maid of honor and I went shopping at Davids Bridal and a few other places at the beginning of January.  We found a dress at Davids that was good, but not great.  It was however the “best of the day”.   When they left that day I told them that I would let them know if I wanted them to purchase the dress.  I did send them a link to the dress that night.  I sent a picture of the girls in the dress to my Mom and she absolutely hated it.  So, I started to have second thoughts about the dress as well.  I decided to schedule another shopping day with the girls and my Mom.  However, when I contacted my bridesmaid she told me she had already purchased the dress.  Also, she purchased it over 2 weeks ago meaning she cannot even exchange the dress for store credit.  As if this wasn’t bad enough, she is refusing to pay for another dress.  From my most recent communication with her, she agreed to come on the shopping day, but seemed as though she would not try anything on.  I’m so upset with her that she didn’t ask me before ordering the dress.  I don’t understand why I should feel bad or pay out of pocket for a mistake that I didn’t make?  It is frustrating that she is having the final say on what should be my decision.  Please give me your thoughts on what you would do in my situation?

banana468

Honestly, it sounds like you led her to think that would be the dress and she bought it.

See if you can find another dress at David's.  If you can't, either see if you can work with the dress or see what you can do to help her with the cost of buying another one.  Yes, it's your decision on what the BMs wear but is is this the argument worth dying on?    I have a feeling that if you stick her with the cost of a second dress you'll have seriously damaged your relationship with her.

Carebear62584

Hmm tough situation.  Did you tell her after your mom saw the dress that she wasn't a fan and it's still in the works?  If you did, that's her problem.  Is it a dress that she may be able to wear as an everyday dress?  Such as your shower, rehearsal, or another wedding?  I don't feel that you should eat the cost of it because that was her mistake, but I can also understand how it could be miscommunicated because you went on to send her the link after you tried on the dresses.  Hmmm....

amymaysa

Do you like the dress or now that Mom doesn't like it, you don't? I get wanting to please Mom, but if you like it, then go with it.
I can see her not wanting to spend money on another dress, though I would have waited for the bride (if I were a bridesmaid) to tell me to go ahead and get a dress.

bmetz34

I'd suggest letting her wear that dress, and finding different dresses for each of your other girls in the same color.  That way, you only have one of the dresses that you originally liked but don't anymore (so it can't be awful), and then you can have the other girls in mismatched dresses so it seems like it was done on purpose.  I think if you don't want to pay for another dress, and she is refusing to, your at an impasse and have to find a 3rd solution.  I agree with PP that you will probably do some serious damage to the friendship if you insist she get another dress, since it sounds like things weren't exactly clear, and there was some miscommunication. 

MoonlightSilver

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_bridesmaid-question-sorry-for-the-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:8078bd30-301b-4f09-b139-588b7f804259Post:3b7a1d8b-bc53-4e8d-bfeb-bdc0cc751379">Re: Bridesmaid Question-Sorry for the Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'd suggest letting her wear that dress, and finding different dresses for each of your other girls in the same color.  That way, you only have one of the dresses that you originally liked but don't anymore (so it can't be awful), and then you can have the other girls in mismatched dresses so it seems like it was done on purpose. </strong> I think if you don't want to pay for another dress, and she is refusing to, your at an impasse and have to find a 3rd solution.  I agree with PP that you will probably do some serious damage to the friendship if you insist she get another dress, since it sounds like things weren't exactly clear, and there was some miscommunication. 
Posted by bmetz34[/QUOTE]

<div>This suggestion sounds like a great idea. Lots of brides these days pick a color and then let each girl wear a different dress. </div>

Christine9866

Tough situation, I agree with the PPs. The idea of having the girls in all the same color but different dresses might be your best bet. This is in though and something that I thought about doing myself!

talli2105

Thank you very much for your help.  Just as an FYI the dress would be very appropriate to wear to any other social occasion.  Also, to clarify I have a small bridal party (only one bridesmaid and one maid of honor).  The bridesmaid is the one who bought the dress.  Would it still look ok for them to wear different dresses?

bmetz34

Absolutely... Lots of times, the maid of honor has a slightly different dress to show who she is anyway.  But if your MOH likes the dress your bridesmaid already bought, you could just put them in the same dress.  You liked it at one point, and just don't stress about your mom not liking it.

banana468

It's fine for them to be in different dresses.  When my MOH was MOH for her sister, all of the BMs were in different dresses of the same color and length.  It looked great.

marisathomas611

Aww I think this was just a case of misscommunication.  Maybe she will come around to it.  Why don't you try bringing it to a boutique or something and seeing if you can sell it to them, you can also try selling it on e-bay??