Interesting.

bridetobe71412

I had dinner with my MOH last night and gave her the "Thank you for my bridal shower" gift I got her (a bracelet from Kate Spade). She just got engaged last weekend and I haven't had a chance to see her, so it was great to catch up/see the bling/hear how it's going.

THEN: She also asked me to be her MOH!

But there's a caveat: She's eloping with her fiance, getting married in the South of France next September (tentative date) and then having a post-wedding party in NYC sometime after that.

Here's my question: How am I a MOH if she's not really having a wedding, per se? I mean, she's getting MARRIED, but I don't believe she plans on having a re-do full-blown wedding. I sincerely hope she's not planning a PPD for herself because I would feel really awkward about being a part of that. They'll definitely be already married by the time of the party.

Anyway, I of course accepted and am ecstatic for her. But what exactly am I going to do? Still plan the bach party and plan the bridal shower? Even if they're not having a wedding?

I'm confused.

honeybear072012

I'm still not clear on how one plans on eloping.  That's just odd to me.

I think I'd clarify from her what she's planning on doing.  Are you expected to be there with her?  Who's going to know?  I think if it's not going to be a secret, which IMHO is what eloping is until after it happens otherwise you're just having a very small wedding, then you can plan to have pre-wedding parties.

I'd clarify what her plans on.

bridetobe71412

Well, if you're going out of the country, you kind of have to "plan" it, right? She's in law school, so they can't go while she's in school.

Her plans are for her and her fiance to go to France, get married, and then come back and have a party.

michelle11988

It sounds like what she is describing is a very small (her and FI) wedding ceremony in France with a post-wedding party.  I'm not exactly sure how being a MOH fits into all of this, unless she is thinking of doing a slightly larger but still small desitnation wedding in France.

k8888

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_interesting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:cbecb454-810a-42fb-b9d8-d6dce380ed2bPost:9e7600ef-7ff5-45df-b92c-56b6fbe23f95">Re: Interesting.</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, if you're going out of the country, you kind of have to "plan" it, right? She's in law school, so they can't go while she's in school. <strong>Her plans are for her and her fiance to go to France, get married, and then come back and have a party.</strong>
Posted by bridetobe71412[/QUOTE]

Sounds like a potential PPD... but maybe you could be the wise one who steers her away from having a "wedding reception" and just a "party."  UGH.  So awkward.

Congrats to you for being MOH, though!

lvissers

What's a PPD?

I think you should just ask her as MOH what she expects you to do? If she expects you to be there at the wedding or just be there at the "party" and help plan the bridal and bachelorette parties?

ILoveToRobot

Did she say if you were or were not invited to the wedding in France? I'd ask. You might also try and word it in a way that says so what is it you expect of me?

I can see two scenarios

 - She wants you to come to France and be a MOH

or

- She doesn't want you to go to France but wants the pre wedding parties and realizes her odds of getting them are better with a MOH.

bridetobe71412

Yeah, it's weird. From what she explained last night, not even their parents are going to be invited to France. It's literally just the two of them. And yeah - my first inkling was to be like, GO ASK ON THE ETIQUETTE BOARD but I have seen their responses and I didn't want to get involved in it.

It kind of sounds like a potential PPD, honestly. She still wants the bach party and bridal shower, it seems. I'm confused.

toomanychoices17

Maybe she just wanted to let you know that she thinks of you as her closest friend and wanted to return the honor of being her MOH, even though there won't be much for you to do? You could always help her with the wedding details- going dress shopping, finding a place to stay in France and someone to marry them, shopping for elopement clothes, etc, without throwing the pre-wedding parties.

lvissers

If you do a DW or elope, you don't get the showers and bachelorette party unless it was for the guests that are invited to the DW. It's a trade off for having  DW over a regular wedding.

bridetobe71412

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_interesting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:cbecb454-810a-42fb-b9d8-d6dce380ed2bPost:7312601d-6083-4b4a-aafe-7f9ffa916e3b">Re: Interesting.</a>:
[QUOTE]What's a PPD? I think you should just ask her as MOH what she expects you to do? If she expects you to be there at the wedding or just be there at the "party" and help plan the bridal and bachelorette parties?
Posted by lvissers[/QUOTE]

PPD = Pretty Princess Day. Means someone who is already married but wants a "real wedding" and plans a party and wears a big poofy white dress, as if they're not already married.

lvissers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_interesting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:cbecb454-810a-42fb-b9d8-d6dce380ed2bPost:ce28460d-d846-4cd6-b754-70f3527f91e2">Re: Interesting.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Interesting. : PPD = Pretty Princess Day. Means someone who is already married but wants a "real wedding" and plans a party and wears a big poofy white dress, as if they're not already married.
Posted by bridetobe71412[/QUOTE]

haha, totally LOL'd when reading this!  I was trying to think of what combination of words could be PPD. yea, no PPD for grown women! lol

bridetobe71412

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_interesting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:cbecb454-810a-42fb-b9d8-d6dce380ed2bPost:34ae7a32-d6a6-4ead-9bf2-44b4d08e7a2f">Re: Interesting.</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Did she say if you were or were not invited to the wedding in France?</strong> I'd ask. You might also try and word it in a way that says so what is it you expect of me? I can see two scenarios  - She wants you to come to France and be a MOH or - She doesn't want you to go to France but wants the pre wedding parties and realizes her odds of getting them are better with a MOH.
Posted by ILoveToRobot[/QUOTE]

Yes, she did (see above). She's just going with her fiance to France. No one else. Hence the "elope" portion. She did say in passing she wants the bachelorette party to be in NYC. So I'm assuming she thinks she gets one.

It's a tricky subject.

ILoveToRobot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_interesting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:cbecb454-810a-42fb-b9d8-d6dce380ed2bPost:7312601d-6083-4b4a-aafe-7f9ffa916e3b">Re: Interesting.</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>What's a PPD</strong>? I think you should just ask her as MOH what she expects you to do? If she expects you to be there at the wedding or just be there at the "party" and help plan the bridal and bachelorette parties?
Posted by lvissers[/QUOTE]

I believe pretty princess day also known as a "second" wedding

butterflyjumper1

this is SO WEIRD! and it kind of sucks for you that you don't get to be the traditional MOH that she is for you. Definitely a PPD in my books. And, is it really eloping if you are planning it and telling everyone about it and selecting a MOH?

my friend who had a destination wedding in the Bahamas did have a bachelorette party - but it was just like her 5 closest friends who went, and we were all at the wedding too, so that made sense to me. But how do you have a bachelorette party for someone who is eloping?

Maybe someone will talk her out of this  

BmoreBride311

Hmm totally awkward. Honestly, I would probably try to just not think about for a few weeks (I think you may have some other stuff coming up to distract you...). She just got engaged, so she very well may have not thought this through yet. I have known several ppl who said they were doing a private elopement / DW and then changed their minds after thinking it through a bit further.

colleenm18

I agree with Bmore.  Obviously you have plenty of time to still talk to her about her plans.  Get through the next two weeks and when you get home from the HM you can really say OK let's pay attention to your plans now   At that point I would then really see what her idea's are and then just be honest with her!

KatieK501

I had no idea what a PPD was - funny!  But sadly, I think one of my bridesmaids is planning this too.  She wanted the wedding on a certain date, asked me to be the MOH. I (pre-engagement myself) tried to send her timelines and kept suggesting we go dress shopping etc so she could start planning, but she put it off and eloped on the date instead.  She keeps saying she wants to have a wedding on their one year anniversary.  I keep trying to get her to call in renewing their vows or something else....but it's a PPD regardless.

So back to OP - I would I ask her what she expects.

bridetobe71412

You guys are right.

I'll bring it up again in August. I told her I am going to throw her an engagement party regardless, so maybe we can talk about it while I'm planning that.

MeaganR12

I think she asked so you can plan her shower and bachelorette party. PPD potential is definitely there though.