Where to register...

amandasz618

My fiance and I live together so we don't feel the need to register for household items. We would much rather have people contribute to our honeymoon if anything, but what is the proper way of going about letting people know about this? We don't want someone to feel pressured into contributing if they want to purchase a gift instead, and we would be thankful for whatever they decide to give us. Also, we want to go to Europe for the honeymoon (we already live in Hawaii, no need to go to an island ) so we dont want them to think they need to give a large amount, as trips like these can often be quite expensive. Anyone have any ideas on the appropriate way of doing this, or is there something else creative we could register for other than blenders and crock pots?!

Blueyed228

If you dont need anything for your house then just dont have a shower.  Asking for money ( however you disguise it) is not polite.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:7efdf777-ff3f-4273-a2b6-db804dc9e081Post:17d7bccd-a8ef-4966-bcc5-80f16e230830">Where to register...</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I live together so we don't feel the need to register for household items. We would much rather have people contribute to our honeymoon if anything, but what is the proper way of going about letting people know about this? We don't want someone to feel pressured into contributing if they want to purchase a gift instead, and we would be thankful for whatever they decide to give us. Also, we want to go to Europe for the honeymoon (we already live in Hawaii, no need to go to an island ) so we dont want them to think they need to give a large amount, as trips like these can often be quite expensive. Anyone have any ideas on the appropriate way of doing this, or is there something else creative we could register for other than blenders and crock pots?!
Posted by amandasz618[/QUOTE]

ZOMG! Trips are expensive?! NO WAY! 

Maybe you should just learn to save up for stuff instead of relying on people to pony up dough for your trips.  How is that even nice?  People can't always take trips that they want- why should they contribute to yours?

I understand that living in Hawaii is very expensive.  Might I suggest upgrades and high end things that you wouldn't normally buy for yourself?

brantina

try honeymoonwishes.com

I think a HM registry is fine.  What is difference in someone spending $50 on a toaster or $50 on a HM.  A gift is a gift.  Go for it; it's your day!

DanielleD7782

Honeymoon registries are tacky.  Just because its YOUR DAY does not mean that you get to demand people pay for you to take a vacation.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:7efdf777-ff3f-4273-a2b6-db804dc9e081Post:e10ecc71-14a0-43bd-b0cd-0771dde3de7f">Re: Where to register...</a>:
[QUOTE]try honeymoonwishes.com I think a HM registry is fine.  What is difference in someone spending $50 on a toaster or $50 on a HM.  A gift is a gift.  Go for it; it's your day!
Posted by brantina[/QUOTE]

This whole YOUR DAY bullshit is just an excuse for entitled bridezilla's to support their bad ideas.

shauni27

i would also look at honeyfund, there is no fee to charge guests unless they pay with paypal, in which the fee can be taken from you, not the guests.  worth looking into if this is something you are interested in.

LaFemmeRousse

Brenda- agreed, disseminating wedding registry information like that is tacky.  Yes, from a purist standpoint, creating any kind of registry at all could be construed as gift-grubby in a vaccuum, but it's a fact that people do it, have done it for decades, and it is expected by guests who want to buy the newly married couple a gift.  So there's a way to do it in line with people's expectations/in line with etiquette, and there's a way to do it that is tacky and abrasive.  Like it or not, perception is everything in the world of manners and social mores.

In my mind, although this isn't something we personally have chosen to do, registering for non-traditional items that you would like is not the same as demanding cash, a portion of which always goes to the honeymoon registry business.  Why should your guests subsidize some random company when they could choose to write you a check?  The fact is that most people who are wedding guests would like to give a gift, and a registry is a suggestion of the type of gifts a couple would like.  It's perfectly ok not to register for pots and towels you don't need.  If you don't have a registry, people will either buy you whatever they want or, more likely, give you cash- which can then be used to take a trip, or buy a car, or for a down payment on a house, etc.  Adults don't need to be given a bank account number or a checklist of vacation items to pay for or whatever to know that if they would like to give a gift, they could decide for it to be a monetary one.

The expectation of "I want to take a fancy vacation I can't afford; therefore everyone else must pay for it for me" comes across as bratty and demanding.  There is no reason the couple could just not register at all, then use any monetary gifts they may receive instead to take a trip.

brantina

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:7efdf777-ff3f-4273-a2b6-db804dc9e081Post:80239586-708c-42ac-8186-c22ff8a59b2d">Re: Where to register...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where to register... : This whole YOUR DAY bullshit is just an excuse for entitled bridezilla's to support their bad ideas.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

No need to be mean.  I was just expressing my opinion, after all isn't that what these boards are for?!  I am not a brideziilla and certainly not entitled.  I was just sharing my thoughts to help out the OP. 

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:7efdf777-ff3f-4273-a2b6-db804dc9e081Post:6fd5ffc5-f801-472d-84a5-7ce842fdcdf9">Re: Where to register...</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>In my mind, although this isn't something we personally have chosen to do, registering for non-traditional items that you would like is not the same as demanding cash, a portion of which always goes to the honeymoon registry business.  Why should your guests subsidize some random company when they could choose to write you a check?  The fact is that most people who are wedding guests would like to give a gift, and a registry is a suggestion of the type of gifts a couple would like.  It's perfectly ok not to register for pots and towels you don't need.  If you don't have a registry, people will either buy you whatever they want or, more likely, give you cash- which can then be used to take a trip, or buy a car, or for a down payment on a house, etc.  Adults don't need to be given a bank account number or a checklist of vacation items to pay for or whatever to know that if they would like to give a gift, they could decide for it to be a monetary one. The expectation of "I want to take a fancy vacation I can't afford; therefore everyone else must pay for it for me" comes across as bratty and demanding.  There is no reason the couple could just not register at all, then use any monetary gifts they may receive instead to take a trip.</strong>
Posted by LaFemmeRousse[/QUOTE]

Best ever.

MNVegas

HM registries are also misleading to your guests. They are under the impression they are actually buying you a gift of like dinner or spa treatments, but in fact you are getting a money from the registry that you can spend on anything you want.  So basically you are asking for money, which is not polite no matter how you try to spin it.

Galaxy8227

If you do a HM registry, I would also make sure that you do an in-store registry, due to the fact that some people think HM registries are tacky, but also because not everyone shops online.  Some people would feel more comfortable shopping in a store (Macys, C&B, BB&B etc) and would rather give you an actual gift. 

Lalanav

Amoro, no need to be so nasty and rude.  There are ways to get your point across without being a horrible person.

OP, unfortunately there's no polite way to ask for money - whether it's for a honeymoon, a house, anything.  Honeymoon registries are particularly 'tacky' because not only do the registries generally take a portion of the money for themselves [so you don't even get your guests's whole gift], but they also present sort of a 'lie' to the guest - they think they're buying you an experience, but really they're just giving you money and you can use it however you want because you get a check, not a voucher for that experience.

If you don't want material goods, you have the option of not registering.  When people find out you're not registered many will go the easy route of gifting you with cash.  There will always be those people who refuse to give money, regardless of whether you have a honeymoon registry or not - so even if you have a honeymoon registry, you will still get physical goods, no matter what.  You can also register somewhere like Bed Bath & Beyond, where they give cash back for returns.  I don't like the idea of returning gifts [I think it's rude, except in the cash of duplicates], but if you're really set on getting cash, that's a better way than outright asking for cash.

BrendaAndEric

I am still not clear on why people suggest registering for 'fun' things in lieu of housewares. It's still luxuries that you can't afford and are asking someone else to buy. Nobody seems to be able to answer that question.

If the registries take a big cut of the gifts and are scammy, that's a completely different reason not to use them, and that's what's making me abandon the idea.

LaFemmeRousse

Because if people buy you a board game and send it to you, you receive the board game.  You don't get a secret check for the same amount as the board game, minus a cut to the registry company.  It's misleading for your guests to think, "I just bought Jane and Jim a massage they will love!" when what really happens is you get a blanket check from the honeymoon registry company.  And the people who do know this realize that you're asking for money, which is seen as a big etiquette no-no.  So that's the difference.

amandasz618

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:7efdf777-ff3f-4273-a2b6-db804dc9e081Post:8e563be7-e526-4aa8-9930-a39975b00ce9">Re: Where to register...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Where to register... : ZOMG! Trips are expensive?! NO WAY!  Maybe you should just learn to save up for stuff instead of relying on people to pony up dough for your trips.  How is that even nice?  People can't always take trips that they want- why should they contribute to yours? I understand that living in Hawaii is very expensive.  Might I suggest upgrades and high end things that you wouldn't normally buy for yourself?
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Really?? Was this a necessary comment?! If you aren't quite up with the times, might I inform you that paying for a wedding is expensive. Learn to save up for stuff?? HA thanks mom. I never said I was relying on anyone to pay for our trip, IN FACT I said we'd be very thankful for any type of gift. And why should they contribute to mine you ask? Guests contributing cash in a card, is the same as contributing to the honeymoon. I don't need a lecture on saving money, clearly you agree living in Hawaii isn't cheap so I don't think I'd be living here if I were broke. Asking for "high end things" is just as insulting as asking for large amounts of money. People should be able to contribute what they feel comfortable. And I have to ask AmoroAgain..why are you sitting on this site constantly trying to talk down to other people..you have nothing else to do? According to your profile your wedding is in like 4 years...are you that unorganized of a person you feel the need to sit on this site all the time? Your poor, poor fiance. Feel kinda bad for the guy. ANYWAYS...

Thank you to those who actually gave good feedback and could comprehend what I was asking. Amazon is a great site to get gifts from because it can go with anyones budget. And I guess you really can never have too many good towels or sets of sheets! Good luck to all with the planning <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /> 

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:7efdf777-ff3f-4273-a2b6-db804dc9e081Post:0c7ee84f-a03c-4dea-a78c-99cd335ff499">Re: Where to register...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>In Response to Re: Where to register... : Really?? Was this a necessary comment?! If you aren't quite up with the times, might I inform you that paying for a wedding is expensive. Learn to save up for stuff?? HA thanks mom. I never said I was relying on anyone to pay for our trip, IN FACT I said we'd be very thankful for any type of gift. And why should they contribute to mine you ask? Guests contributing cash in a card, is the same as contributing to the honeymoon. I don't need a lecture on saving money, clearly you agree living in Hawaii isn't cheap so I don't think I'd be living here if I were broke. Asking for "high end things" is just as insulting as asking for large amounts of money. People should be able to contribute what they feel comfortable. And I have to ask AmoroAgain..why are you sitting on this site constantly trying to talk down to other people..you have nothing else to do? According to your profile your wedding is in like 4 years...are you that unorganized of a person you feel the need to sit on this site all the time? Your poor, poor fiance. Feel kinda bad for the guy. ANYWAYS...</strong>
Posted by amandasz618[/QUOTE]

You're right.  My poor, poor husband (points down, that's me in the sig there) I just moved my wedding date out really far so I'd stop getting kicked over to thenest. 

Yes, paying for weddings isn't cheap.  We paid for ours, forewent a honeymoon because, well, we live in fricking Italy.  We can take a honeymoon anytime.  We live overseas, and yet, we still managed to register for stuff, and we still managed to not ask for cash.  That's the point of this whole thing, isn't it?  Your OP was ridiculous "trips are expensive!" so we ask people to pay for one for us??  NO. 

Also, pulling that 'it's a modern way to register' card is just total bullshit.  It's just another way to validate our money focused society.