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I got told!

Has anyone ever just been told  that they were a bridesmaid in someone's wedding? I'm in 3 weddings within this year and 2 of them never really asked me to be bridesmaid...they just said "you're a bridesmaid!" Of course, I was thrilled because they are my good friends... But, I thought it was a little weird...kinda like being drafted haha. Anyways, one bride hasn't decided the state that the wedding is in and hasn't picked a date (it's fall next year if it's in CFL, winter next year if it's in another state). I don't know if I can really afford for me and my DH to take 4 days off work for rehearsal, wedding, and travel- in addition to affording plane tickets around the holidays, hotel, and the usual wedding expenses, but should I just not say anything until it's decided one way or the other? I don't want to back out, esp. since she was my BM but I when I was told, it was assumed it would be here. WWYD? 

Re: I got told!

  • edited December 2011
    If it were me, I would ask questions to she where she's at with her decision and just let her know you want to be there for her to support her and be there for that special day but you would need to know ahead of time to make arrangements. If it's going to be in another state and you can't afford it, let her know. She will understand. My best friend got married in NC and told me she would love to have me there but knew I would not be able to afford it and it took a lot of pressure off of me. She will understand. But before letting her know I would see what she's leaning towards first. hope this helps and GL!!!
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  • AileeneGAileeneG
    edited December 2011
    If she's assuming that you will be in the wedding and there's a chance that you might not be, then you should say something pretty soon. You can just say something to the effect of how much you're looking forward to it, and that you;re excited, and for her to let you know as soon as she decides what is happening so that you can let her know if you can commit or not.
  • Theresa626Theresa626
    edited December 2011
    I would tell her now before she decides that if it's in another state around the holidays that you might not be able to make it.  This might sway her decision.  If I were her, I'd be very disappointed if you told  me this only after I made a deposit.  
  • Britt1406Britt1406
    edited December 2011
    I agree... I'd let her know your concerns. Don't come off as pushy though like "well, if it's out of state, I'm not doing it". Just be sincere and let her know you're sorry but you can't really afford to travel, blah blah blah. She should understand.

    Ashley, that's a beautiful ring!
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies! She's been flip flopping for months about it so I guess it's time to just call her and tell her my concerns. Her whole (large) family is pushing for it to be down here so I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
  • edited December 2011
    Good idea, imagine if you told her after the decision & she came back with the "I wish you'd told me sooner, I would have changed my plans" line. Whether or not it's true, don't give her a reason to say it ;) lol
  • edited December 2011
    I completely understand where you're coming from with the whole "got told" debacle. I actually couldn't remember whether or not I had told one of my bridesmaids to be in my wedding party or if I had asked her. I kind of panicked and called her back right away with "By the way, I did ask you right? I don't want to place you in a situation you don't want to be in." She reassured me that I did ask her and we both laughed about it. Sometimes in the excitment of everything, I think we as brides just get a little carried away. Although it is a priviedge to be asked to be in a wedding party, it is also quite a financial responsibility. Good luck and I hope everything goes well with your friend.
    ~ Jess & Marie 1-1-11 ~
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