Honeymoon Discussions

XP: Need your opinion (sorry, a little long)

My parents are giving FI and I $1500 for our honeymoon. They're just giving us a lump sum and we can use it however we want. We decided to take a scenic drive through NM and CO, stopping at popular tourists sights and to stay within the $1500 b/c we don't have anything in the budget to add to it.

A little background . . . my FMIL has already vented last week to us that she is "putting money into this wedding that she doesn't have that she could be using elsewhere" which really irritated both FI and I b/c we never asked her for money, nor did we expect it. But she wanted to contribute (it's her only child), so I totally understand. She decided to take out a small loan and pay half the RD. Awesome! We've told her our appreciation several times, but she pulled the "money card" on us last week and tried to add more people to the guest list (after it's been final for 2 months).

She said that since she's contributing toward the wedding (only the RD!) she should be able to add more people to the guest list!! Well, that got FI and I very upset and there was a long argument that followed, but in the end, we resolved the issue and added only one of her friends, not everyone she wanted. (note: it was a decision FI and I made together. He actually told her no, but I suggested we compromise and add just one of the extra people in order to keep the peace).

Fast forward to yesterday. I went to visit her in the afternoon and just as I was leaving, she started talking about the honeymoon. She knows my parents are paying for it, but all of a sudden, she wants to pay for one of our excursions that we planned (a RR trip). I politely told her that my parents are paying for it, but she insisted. She also wanted to pay for one of the lower class tickets, but I had already narrowed it down to the top two expensive ones since it's our honeymoon and we have the funds. She said "well, let me know which one you want to do and if I can afford it, I'll pay for it." . . .

Um, ok, but we'll probably want the most expensive one since it's way nicer and you've already complained that you can't afford the RD, even though YOU offered and now you want to give us more money, but only "what you can afford"? I wish she would just come out and say "I can give you x-amount of money toward your honeymoon" or something.

I think she feels bad b/c she wants to contribute more, but at the same time, my parents already offered to pay. I don't think they'd mind too much given the situation b/c we could use the extra money from my parents to splurge on something else.

Re: XP: Need your opinion (sorry, a little long)

  • If you know it's a financial struggle for her, I woulld not accept any additional money from her, esepcially if you already have it covered.

    I'd sit her down and explain to her that you really appreciate the offer and know she's coming from the best of intentions, but that you have your honeymoon covered.  If she insists on helping, I would probably try to say something like "How about we go out for a nice meal once we're backing and we can tell you about our trip? or something.  That way, if MIL is inclined, she can pay for that and spend time with you both.
  • she's already pulled some stuff bc she's paying. say thank you but no thank you and move on. don't LET her pay for anything else. she can try but only succeed if you let her.
    and remember these times for after you get married. good that fi stood up to her but these are little red flags too.

     

  • lls31lls31 member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I voted to tell her no, but I don't think you need to explain who is paying for it.  It will probably make her feel worse, knowing that your parents can afford to give you a gift like that while she cannot.  I would just politely decline her offer and leave it at that.  
    21811_10151174643987291_1046283999_n_zpsddfa358c Anniversary BabyFruit Ticker
  • Thanks for the responses! I'm going to talk with FI and tell him I think we should decline, given the fact that she has already complained about the money she's contributing and that my parents are already covering it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_xp-need-your-opinion-sorry-a-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:aa181018-3776-48b7-83e3-b5366e39f5c0Post:4f3b7788-ec0a-4df3-bf83-4f0acced1c3c">Re: XP: Need your opinion (sorry, a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you know it's a financial struggle for her, I woulld not accept any additional money from her, esepcially if you already have it covered. I'd sit her down and explain to her that you really appreciate the offer and know she's coming from the best of intentions, but that you have your honeymoon covered.  If she insists on helping, I would probably try to say something like<strong> "How about we go out for a nice meal once we're backing and we can tell you about our trip?</strong> or something.  That way, if MIL is inclined, she can pay for that and spend time with you both.
    Posted by hz80408[/QUOTE]

    Good idea - thanks!
  • My moms the same way..irritating, she offered to pay for my dress. Then I showed her the dress I want, 1200 and she said she'll buy me one for 500... Im just going to show her the dresses I want...and I'll pay the extra out of the 500... Onto your subject, I would just say we really appreciate the offer but we don't want to put any burden on you and we already have our tickets planned for first class, you could always chip in towards our tickets if you'd like but if not don't worry about it. We appreciate the offer. its very kind.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_xp-need-your-opinion-sorry-a-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:aa181018-3776-48b7-83e3-b5366e39f5c0Post:a25a5d95-05b0-48ab-a618-abea1c5bc0bd">Re: XP: Need your opinion (sorry, a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I voted to tell her no, but I don't think you need to explain who is paying for it.  It will probably make her feel worse, knowing that your parents can afford to give you a gift like that while she cannot.  I would just politely decline her offer and leave it at that.  
    Posted by lls31[/QUOTE]

    <div>This</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, what's "RD"? Sorry, I'm not used to the abbreviations</div>
    to love is to be two, and yet one. A man and a woman blended as angels. Heaven itself... - Victor Hugo Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_xp-need-your-opinion-sorry-a-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:aa181018-3776-48b7-83e3-b5366e39f5c0Post:2a99c59a-8dae-4722-9038-efba477a7c00">Re: XP: Need your opinion (sorry, a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: Need your opinion (sorry, a little long) : This Also, what's "RD"? Sorry, I'm not used to the abbreviations
    Posted by musicjailbird7[/QUOTE]

    RD = Rehearsal Dinner

    Thanks everyone. I told FI to talk with her and let her know gently that we cannot take her offer since my parents are already paying for it. Hopefully, she'll accept that answer and not hold it against us.
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