FI not really on board

ashbosity

My FI keeps making comments like "Wouldn't you rather get married in my family's tiny Chinese restaurant/ travel the world/ use the money for something else instead of spending money on a wedding?" Then other days, he says, "I want whatever you want". I'm so frustrated. I can see that it is kind of silly to spend so much on one day, but our budget is like $8000, only half of which we are contributing, compared to the $28000 that is the average cost. I've been planning what I want, but its his wedding too and I want him to be happy. I'd be ok with something informal, like a backyard thing, but we both have big families. Plus, that's SO much planning and logistics to deal with. Its not really too late to change plans because the only major things that have been done are putting the deposit on LMEC and buying my bargain bin $268 dress. I am flexible, but I have been thinking and planning for 3 months now. I really don't know what to do. Any advice?

cjbwifey2010

I think you should ask him if he's really serious. Tell him that you dont mind compromising on things but some things ar worth spending the money over the headache that it will cause you. Tell him that you know its his wedding too and that you both have big families which is why you chose the venue you did. If there are some other things that he would like to scale back on, tell him that you dont mind doing that...i think maybe him realizing what it is that you are really planning will begin to be an eye opener. Getting him more involved in the planning(if he isn't already) will make your engagement process a whole lot more fun! So just see what he has to say...and then go from there!

HTH!

perkyperkins83

I just posted a board on Oct 2010 weddings about the same thing. My Fi has given up and is basically showing up. He just thinks about the money we are spending for people to come to OUR wedding. He doesnt understand it.

Theresa626

Listen, I think that he's getting really caught up in the "it's just one day look at how much it costs" stuff.  Try to point out the other side.  How much your relatives would love to be there to see you get married and celebrate with you.  How many people would be disappointed if they were not invited to see you at your wedding.  I'm not talking about inviting the neighborhood but it costs a fair amount just to feed your close family and friends.  Discuss how important it is to you to share that day with your family and how important it is to them too.  Then, show him the reality of what things cost.  If you show him how much per person certain venues and catererers are and then show him how much you're spendng on dinner, I think he'll realize that you are reigning in the price a lot but weddings are just plain expensive.  Maybe if you show him how much the average wedding dress costs from different stores and then how much you paid for yours, he'll start seeing the bigger picture and that what you are spending is very "budget friendly" even though it is a lot of money.