Friends and dates....ugh

therockisblinding05

I've had atleast 5 requests from people in the last 4 days (mainly friends facebooking me) about bring dates or plus ones or bfs that I didn't even know existed. I was very very specific about writing only the names of invited guests on the inner and outer envelopes. I don't get how this many of my friends think they can bring just whoever they want.
What's worse is they message me saying they are "confused" because they weren't sure if by me writing "Jane Smith" whether or not I meant "Jane smith and Jane's sister"....COME ON! I would have wrote Jane's sister if I meant to invite Jane's sister.

No one does this for ANY other event you have, why do they do it for weddings???

AlexiaANDRobert

Actually, I've had this done for every event, ever.  For birthday parties, I've had people call me to ask if they can bring a date.  For Christmas parties, I've had people ask if they can bring a date... yes, it happens.

I think, because we're on the knot, and it's drilled into your brain, that you assume everyone knows how wedding etiquette works.  It doesn't.

Assume everyone is ignorant and it will save you a lot of trouble.  If someone is in a serious relationship, and you didn't know about it, then they probably shouldn't have been invited to begin with - so, that's your bad.  If it were me, I'd let that person know they can bring their bf/gf.  Not a sister or something else.  Also, if this person won't know anyone else at the wedding, let them bring someone.  It sucks being the odd person out.

Just answer each question on a case by case basis.  Since it's on facebook, it saves you the awkward 'um' and pauses in the conversation.

AileeneG

At least people are asking you, so you can politely say no if you really REALLY can't fit them in. I had one person ask, which was fine, and others who just brought someone without even rsvp'ing, or people who weren't in a relationship at all, but went looking for a friend to bring, even though a lot of their close friends were already invited.

I guess it comes down to the person's past wedding experiences. My mom always taught me  that it's rude to invite yourself places and that it's not polite to add to other people's guest list or put them on the spot for it.  As a host, though, you want to be as accomodating as possible to make sure your guests are comfortable.

Sometimes it stinks, but in order to do that, you have to find a way if at all possible. Our guest list (without people bringing random dates) was over 300, and that was the cut down list, so we decided we weren't going to specifically invite guests, but if people asked or assumed, we would make the space since other people would RSVP no anyway.

Anyway, all that to say that I get that it can be frustrating, but I hope it all works out for you.

mlharbis

haha ya I agree with Alexia. People are real stupid when it comes to invitations!

My mom's little sister called her to complain that she is basically a single parent (they are separated but he works construction so she can't leave the kids with him bc he won't have time esp in the busy summer) how dare we expect her to come without her kids. My mom was like well I'm sure Molly will understand that you can't come! haha We aren't inviting any kids, no exceptions. We don't have a flower girl or ring bearer (which I'm sure she was irked we didn't invite her kids to do that- 4 yr old girl and 6 yr old boy) but we don't want kids at the wedding. We had to cut the invite list down to 80, why sould I have to cut out my friends so I can invite cousins that I haven't seen in forever and won't have fun because there won't be many kids!

Like with the sister example you gave, just be like no I'm sorry but we have had to limit our guest list and there is only room for you (and if she has a serious bf, then you and your bf). Ppl should get that it just may take a little longer for it to sink in. Don't feel like you have to stretch your invites and money to please everyone, its your wedding!

Pretty Parula

I agree, since most other 'parties' that people go to are far less.... tight, shall we say? about the guest list, I think that folks who haven't gotten married yet just don't know any better. I didn't know that it wasn't ok to bring my 1-year-old daughter (at the time) to a friend's wedding - how would I have known that? It didn't say anything about kids on the invite, and every other wedding I'd been to had kids present, so I figured that was standard until she called me up to tell me that it just wouldn't be appropriate at their wedding since it was so formal. (I ended up not going to this friend's wedding.) I wouldn't have assumed it would be ok to bring a date myself, but then again that just never occurred to me.

jmucheech21

This is INCREDIBLY annoying.  I had friends that didn't invite my fiance (boyfriend of about 8 months at the time) and they DID know we were together, knew we were planning to move in together, and had met him.  I was none too happy, but I'll tell you what I didn't do.. I didn't call and ask if he could come.  I thought they were rude to not invite him, but two wrongs don't make a right, so I certainly wasn't going to be rude back and ask if he could come.  I sucked it up.  I wish your guests would too.  =(  Sorry!!!

Theresa626

People invite other people to my parties all the time and never ask.  But, when it's not a wedding I don't care.  They just don't realize how expensive their dinner really is.  

It happened to me too but I had to say yes.  My uncle is flying in to Orlando for a week to do a very long vacation and his daughter is bringing her boyfriend.  They told me this and didn't even ask me.  It pissed me off but how am I supposed to tell them not to bring him on their family vacation?  The same thing happened with another adult relative who brought his girlfriend along (I had invited him with his daughers only).  It's soo much harder to say no to people when they are taking a week long DIsney vacation after your wedding.  If friends who live here ask though, I will simply say no.  

mlharbis

I agree with Theresa- since Orlando is such a vacation destination many families (or whoever) may want to make a vacation out of your wedding since they have to pay for travel anyway. Its real hard to say no to that- thankfully I haven't had to yet!

jmucheech21

Theresa, that has totally been my problem with some 2nd cousins that I am so not close with.  Its frustrating because of the second cousins of mine who have been married, I have not been invited to their weddings.. but then at the same time a lot of the cousins have stated that they are going to make "a big family vacation out of it."  Now, how am I supposed to not invite them if they are all planning on coming down for vacation.  Its so annoying because they didn't want to drop the money on me, why should I have to drop it on them???

I know that sounds bratty, but the reality is I have seen/met most of them less than 10 times in my life, some less than 5.  My mom actually had to send me their names, because I didn't even know them.  And I have had to cut many of MY friends out of the list to accommodate these people I have never met.  My mom uesd to want me to invite them, but my aunt talked some sense into her.  She's better about it now, but now that I know they all want to make vacations of it I'm the one who is feeling bad!!  Ughh, its amazing how a wedding in FL will make people crawl out of the wood works!!!

mlharbis

jmucheech- dont feel bad! I have a boat load of second and first cousins I didnt invite because I havent seen them but twice in my life and there are so many if I wanted to invite them and my friends my guest list would grow from 75 to 150! They can get over it if you dont want to invite them since you don't know them and can come to the family vacation if they want to even if they arent invited to the wedding.