VENT: I would really like to smack my FI over the head right now.

sarah42nd

 I would really like to smack my FI over the head right now.  So as some of you may already no my FI hasn't done any wedding planning has told me to do whatever I wanted.

 Well I talked with my parents a few weeks ago and they said they wanted to pay half of the venue cost . So I talked to FI and told him that they were going to pay half the venue cost . Well  about a week ago my mom stated something about maybe being able to pay  the deposit which was $250 , if my dad's check came in time  . Well I told her that they didn't have too . So I talked with FI and told him I would need Deposit($250)  plus $100 for the fabric for my dress because he was getting in some extra money . So when we got money he only gave me $240 and not the other cash . So I was like WTF? . I am getting my fabric from Joanns and they run a 50 Percent off coupon  every few weeks and that coupon was running. So mom and I went to the venue on Monday but the lady called  and said  wasn't at the venue .  Well we stopped at publix to get stepson some caprisun so there on sale because FI  told me to go buy about $20 worth so I did.

 Well  wednesday rolls around and  my mom, dad and I went to the venue. Well my parents ended up paying for the deposit too . I was really surprised .  So I treated them to lunch  because they just dropped %250 and then they told me there going to pay the whole amount on the venue ( thats $700) .  I also gave them some gas because they have been running me around the last few days. I also bought 3 picture frames  for like $5  each .

So I messaged Fi and he never wrote me back so I thought he was busy working.
Well when he gets home  . I showed him the reciept from the venue .  Then told him that mom and dad said there playing for it and the rest of the venue .  Then I told him I took them out to lunch for like $40 . He flipped a lid. He started bitching about how he can't trust me anymore . HUH?

I was like what ? Mom and dad  spent $250 and your going to bitch about $40 ???  Then he took the rest of the money I had in my  wallet .  UGh . I am confused .

Not only that he was all like oh I was so happy today and was going to tell my parents , blah blah blah . But then he never does anything for the wedding planning . I think he said it just to piss me off .


Ugh ... Sorry had to vent.

x3Harmony534

Wow, I'd punch him. Okay... that's not the right solution. But seriously?! I'd be like, honey would you prefer to spend $40 or $700? Oh, $40? Well the STFU. Ugh, sorry he's being like that! He needs to get over it & be grateful for the gift you've been given by your parents!

mlharbis

xHarmony your response is HILARIOUS! I love it!

sarah42nd

He  is mad because he thinks I  knew we didn't need the deposit money becuase my parents were paying for it ( which we didn't even know yet ) .  I think my parents wanted to surprise us by paying for the venue .  Then he was like why didn't you bring all the money back and I was like  I was being grateful and taking my parents out to lunch .

genevievenavarro

I'm sorry your having a bad day. It's nice that your parents are paying for the venue though, so not all is lost. I know it's really upsetting to you that FI isn't helping with the planning process but I really haven't heard of many guys being interested in this aspect until your post about it. Out of all of my friends and family I have never seen a guy take interest in wedding planning so I wouldn't read too much into that. Look at it this way, you get what you want without having to sacrafice some crazy idea of his. Lol. As far as the money goes maybe there is an underlying issue. Maybe he is stressed about the cost of the wedding. I know my FI freaks when he realizes how much stuff costs because he really has no clue. He thinks if he gave me 2k we could have some amazing blow out wedding. Lol. Hang in there.

Theresa626

Wow.  It really sounds like he has some major trust issues or perhaps there are some communication issues.  Did he let you explain that you did not know they were going to pay the deposit or did he blow up first?  Also, this concerns me because when you are married, it is no longer him giving you his money, it is you sharing money.  And you have to be able to do things like go to dinner with your parents without him blowing up at you. Also forty dollars for three people to eat is not an expensive meal so you did a good job there too.  I would try to talk to him and see if you can discuss how you could handle this better in the future.  Ways you could talk to him so he wouldn't get angry so quickly and ways that he can learn to calm down and listen before he assumes.  I would also ask him why he distrusts you with money and try to work through that issue as well.  These are important things to discuss while you are engaged.  

Theresa626

Another way you could solve this issue is perhaps treating him to dinner the next time you go out.  I was thinking that perhaps he felt you were using him for his money or something because you used it for stuff he didn't intend it for.  Most people share money the way you did once engaged but perhaps if you did something nice for him or spent your own money on him, he might feel it is more equal and less threatened.  

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mlharbis

One way to solve this is just set a budget, ask for that lump amount and then since he doesn't want to be involved with the details, then since it is his money he just sets aside that money for the wedding and you allocate it in the budget appropriately. They way, you dont have to ask for money here and there and him feel like all that is happening is you spending money.
I am paying for the wedding. I set aside money and when its gone its gone and wedding planning stops! hah

sarah42nd

lol Thanks ghirls for the suggestions.

Well I talked to him last night . Here's a little back story on where the "extra"  money came from . My FI does roofs ( roofing)  on  the side . No he usually doesn't have to get on the roof to do it himself. He has guys for that . He usually finds people that need roofs  and then he has a contractor who is licenesed and all . Then he gets like a finders fee  from whatever profit the contractor gets . The last two times it has been over  $1500.

So where he got this money was from  was from a roof . He has  been talking to the guy for awhile about getting a new roof .  The guy worked at AutoZone , so its not like FI went out of his way to talk to this guy . FI is at AuoiZone all the time. Well he finally retired so he got  his roof doen and thats where the money came from .

Well my FI told me he wasn't mad about the money spent . He said  he wouldn't of cared if I told him that  I spent the money on lunch . But that he was mad because it took him a while to get the money and  if it was his work paycheck he wouldn't of cared .  I guess he basically saying it took him forever to get this cash and met more to him then just his paycheck .

MHARBIS . Thats exactly what I did . I set the budget and told him where and what we need . I think he  thought that the wedding wouldn't be expensive . I think my FI was thinking just like GENEVIEVES  Fiance . He just think that a wedding will be planned with no money .

Theresa626

So, he's upset because this money came from a side job instead of a main job?  why does it matter? When you put it in the bank, you can't tell where it came from.  Also, he said he felt better about it when you told him you spent it on dinner? Then why did he get upset in the first place?  

sarah42nd

Yeah I guess because he has been talking to the guy for 2 years about the roof. Thats what I couldn't figure out . I look at it as  its still money in the bank no matter where you got it from .  I guess because I usually tell him I am going out to lunch or whatever I am spending money on . Then I guess I didn't call him up while he was at work and said hey I am spending this money on lunch for them because they said they are paying for the venue . But I texted him and told him the offical wedding date and he never messaged back so I didn't call or message back so i thought he was busy .  Taking my parents to lunch was a last minute thing . It just kind of how everything fell into place . Timewise.   UGH .