Wedding Gifts

2010Bride2B

I recently got married in April. I was born and raised in NY and move down to FL 6yrs ago. I had my wedding here. I wasnt prepared for the FL gifts that my husband and I got. Most of my family came from NY and gave us NY gifts. Maybe its a southern thing. But what brought it all together for us was when we deposited our checks into the bank they girl said shes never saw checks written out for that much for a wedding. So my question is what do Floridians give for a wedding gift? I have five Floridians out of my guest list come to the wedding. One gave us a picture frame from Disney that cost $24.95 (price tag was on it and it was from a couple), another couple gave a $25 Target git card, another gave $50 card, one didnt even bother giving a gift and left early. My NY'ers gave triple digit number checks. These people are not rich just average but im assuming is a NY thing. We cant believe that people would come to a wedding and give $25! Thats like $12.50 for the two of us! Im not trying to be greedy its just maybe its a southern thing? Its just you spend that much on dinner! You spend that much on a shirt. How do you give someone $25? You would think a wedding is more important then anything and you would give at least $100. All these people that gave $25/$50 are people that we know and one is family! So just was curiuos what all you married ladies got. Again, not tring to be pry, but just want to understand.

MrsWhitneyAmanda

I, personally, was grateful for anything I got. I had guests who gave anywhere from an inexpensive photo frame all the way up to a check for an amount that quite literally took my breath away. I also had guests who came and didn't even bring a card, let alone a gift but I was still just as glad that they were there and appreciative for their company as I was for our more 'generous' guests. For one thing, it has a lot to do with somebody's financial situation; it's likely that if anybody you know, even family, is going through a tough time that you don't know about it. It may have cost them all the money that they had to spare just to get there, even if it was just on an extra tank of gas. It might also have to do with a standard of living, which is MUCH lower here than up north - from what I understand $100 doesn't go very far in New York. But please don't label it 'a southern thing'. I think it's much more of an 'individual's situation' thing.

2010Bride2B

I hear ya. Its just i couldnt go to a wedding and give less then $100. And thats a backyard wedding to a beautiful reception hall!  Not our style. I would feel awkward.

Maggie214624

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:66Discussion:f050c713-a49a-4303-bdc7-6675adbd2635Post:362fc9f4-8857-4123-8edb-b6511d8f7ed8">Re: Wedding Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I, personally, was grateful for anything I got. I had guests who gave anywhere from an inexpensive photo frame all the way up to a check for an amount that quite literally took my breath away. I also had guests who came and didn't even bring a card, let alone a gift but I was still just as glad that they were there and appreciative for their company as I was for our more 'generous' guests. For one thing, it has a lot to do with somebody's financial situation; it's likely that if anybody you know, even family, is going through a tough time that you don't know about it. It may have cost them all the money that they had to spare just to get there, even if it was just on an extra tank of gas. It might also have to do with a standard of living, which is MUCH lower here than up north - from what I understand $100 doesn't go very far in New York. But please don't label it 'a southern thing'. I think it's much more of an 'individual's situation' thing.
Posted by MrsWhitneyAmanda[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly!

SRivera09

 I recently got married in April as well.  I got mostly money/checks.  They ranged anywhere from $25-$300.  I was gratful for any dollar amount.  It never mattered to me if ppl brought gifts are not.  My wedding was about having my family and friends there to celebrate such a special day for us.  If they decided to bring a gift, than that is awesome, but not expected.  But I was not offended/upset by some guests that did not bring a gift.  I've been that guest that could only afford that $25 gift.  So like Whitney said, I would not label that a "southern thing." 

x3Harmony534

The gifts you receive are as varied as the people. I don't think it's fair to call it a "Florida" or a "southern" thing, I think it's just a coincidence. I can understand your frustration to an extent, as I too would feel rude showing up to a wedding empty handed. But remember, everyone's financial situation is different and some people simply do not KNOW wedding etiquette. I would much prefer my guests show up empty handed than not show up at all.

brit21489

Yeah, I ditto the standard of living. $100 goes a lot farther here than up north. I just think it has to do with the money each person has.

Pretty Parula

I've never spent anywhere near $100 on a wedding gift for anyone, and I don't feel that's tacky. I just don't have that kind of cash to spare each month. I personally think it's tacky to go to a wedding without bringing a gift, but some people don't look at it that way. Southerners are notorious for their etiquette, so this is certainly not a 'tacky' thing. I wouldn't I call a Floridian a Southerner, though. As pp said, the economy sucks and some folks just won't be able to be as generous as they would like. This is an isolated event in your life, so I wouldn't assume that it's a regional norm. It's probably like this for weddings all over the country.

Pretty Parula

Just another thought - you mentioned that you had a lot of family come from NY - would it be safe to say that your family may have given more generous gifts than your standard wedding guest since they're family?

Theresa626

I really don't think it's a Florida thing.  YOu know, you don't know those people's situations.  Perhaps they are out of a job or retiring soon and they lost a  lot of money due to the economy.  I know it sucks but I really wouldn't worry about it too much.  I really think it was just something that happened.  

skhynes

Seriously?  First you post about calling guests that you didn't receive a card from and calling them out for it, now you're complaining about the amount of your checks?  My family is from NY too and from a lot of them I got about $50/family.  So what?  People give gifts based on what they find appropriate or what they can afford.  There's no set rule about it, and I certainly wouldn't say that Floridians are cheap or whatever you're insinuating. 

AileeneG

In Response to <a href="http://orlando.weddings.com/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:f050c713-a49a-4303-bdc7-6675adbd2635Post:67b16ff6-529b-4f2c-84b2-99f6e3d8bccd">Wedding Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE] We cant believe that people would come to a wedding and give $25! Thats like $12.50 for the two of us! Im not trying to be greedy its just maybe its a southern thing? Its just you spend that much on dinner! You spend that much on a shirt. How do you give someone $25? You would think a wedding is more important then anything and you would give at least $100. All these people that gave $25/$50 are people that we know and one is family! So just was curiuos what all you married ladies got. Again, not tring to be pry, but just want to understand.
Posted by 2010Bride2B[/QUOTE]


Honestly, this is why I never give people cash for weddings. If I buy a $60 crock pot, or even a $30 blender off the registry, it's fine, but when it's cash, some people will think it's not enough.   We got plenty of gifts that were within the $25-$50 range, and I'm very grateful for the generosity of those people. I don't think it's odd to spend that much on a wedding gift.

I think it's important to remember that gifts are not an admission cost to a wedding and that guests are not expected to finance your needs. Gifts, in whatever value/amount, should be taken as a voluntary expression of congratualtions.

As far as your picture frame goes, my guess is that the couple that gave it to you was thinking about the memories that you can keep in that frame and expected more sentimental value, rather than monetary value.

Personally, I would rather keep my $50 than give it to someone that would be offended by the amount. If it really offends you, don't cash the check.

MCO100

I actually think it is a NY/NJ thing to give more cash than down here.

All of our friends and family were very generous with their gifts, but our one friend from NJ gave us double for both our engagement and wedding gift. He is single and definitely doesn't make anymore than our other friends.  

We always go by the rule: Pay for your meal, whatever we think the per plate amount is, we double that for the gift.

I don't think I would get on here and inquire about gifts amounts, but I do agree with op about the difference is gift standards.

skhynes

So if you're trying to cover your plate, do you wait until the wedding to actually write your check and see how extravagent it is?  I know it's very common to want to cover the cost of your meal, but I think it's unfair that someone who spent a ton of money (or their parent's money) on a wedding is entitled to a bigger gift than someone who had a smaller wedding, you know?  Or is that just the minimum amount you would give?  Not trying to be snarky, just genuinely curious about how it works.

MCO100

Why yes of course we wait until the day of the wedding before we write a check! We usually arrive early, so I can check in with the event coordinator to find out the amount....

skhynes

Um, ok...

AlexiaANDRobert

I'm really happy that I wasn't a guest at your wedding cause I'd probably be judged for the gift I gave you, not for being your friend and attending your wedding.

I'm seriously at a loss for words right now.  I'm trying to think of something polite to respond, but I can't find the words.

BentleyBaby

Congratulations you've just won the shallow b!tch of the day award! *golf clap*
Sure, we'd all love large gifts for our wedding. But last time I checked, that is NOT what your wedding (which is to celebrate your marriage.. in case you didn't know) is about.

cjbwifey2010

Maria...seriously you wait until the day of and check with the event coordinator? No...i think you're kidding...i'm going to take it as a sarcastic comment because i know you wouldnt REALLY do that!

As far as this whole question, It really all depends on the person. Maybe YOU feel as if 100$ is the minumum that you would give, but for someone else, that is a stretch! You dont know the financial situation of those people, and like Whitney said earlier, that person may have given their all to make it to your wedding. I understand that you may expect more, but you dont put people on a wedding list for the gift they bring, you should put ppl on there because you wanted them to celebrate with you on your special day! I'm from up north and there are many traditions that we have up there that may not happen here, but when it comes to money, it really isn't fair to generalize a group of people. It's definitely more an individual thing. Maybe they gave you what they could afford, or maybe they just didnt feel the need to spend that much on you, and thought their gift would be substancial based on the type of relationship they have with you...it all depends!

But dont label it a southern thing. I have a lot of family coming from Canada that I know will give great gifts, but i also have some family here that I know will give awesome gifts, and at the end of the day...every gift should be appreciated!

MCO100

Yes I'm kidding!!!

This thread was getting out of hand, so I just wanted to throw a "huh?" post in

To me, everyone has different standards when it comes to gift giving.
We also had close friends not bring anything to the wedding, but we still love them just the same!

I wrote Thank You notes to them thanking them for attending the wedding and being with us on our special day.

"To each his own" when it comes to advice on gifts!

cjbwifey2010

Oh thank goodness! LOL. LOL. LOL! That was hilarious!

skhynes

Well I was just asking a serious question as to how you make the decision on what to give.  I was honestly curious.  But I'm glad you're here to police the boards when a thread "gets out of hand."

MCO100

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:66Discussion:f050c713-a49a-4303-bdc7-6675adbd2635Post:116bace3-c956-4c6f-a67c-0d4e4ab15f9d">Re: Wedding Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I was just asking a serious question as to how you make the decision on what to give.  I was honestly curious.  But I'm glad you're here to police the boards when a thread "gets out of hand."
Posted by skhynes[/QUOTE]

Nope, just not taking this as seriously as some people. TGIF!

AileeneG

In Response to <a href="http://orlando.weddings.com/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:66Discussion:f050c713-a49a-4303-bdc7-6675adbd2635Post:e7cf2694-18c6-4f71-bbc2-7e19f368bdf5">Re: Wedding Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]So if you're trying to cover your plate, do you wait until the wedding to actually write your check and see how extravagent it is?  Posted by skhynes[/QUOTE]

I guess a way to gauge it might be to check the formality of the invitation and the venue before the wedding??  I don't know. I usually just pick something off the registry...

SarahSmile23

we had a lot of people not even bring gifts. for the people who did give gifts and/or cash, $50 was probably the average. i thought it was pretty cool that we not only got to get married in front of our family and friends, we also got some fun gifts and some cash! i WAS offended that some people didn't even bring a card, but i don't judge anybody by how little or how much they actually gave. i don't even judge the ones who gave us heart-felt cards but no gifts. i judge the people who couldn't even stop by walgreens on the way to the wedding to buy a $1 card and write a sweet message inside.

MrsWhitneyAmanda

[QUOTE]<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">I wouldn't I call a Floridian a Southerner, though[/QUOTE]</span><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">I would! At least those of us who were born here to native parents. I'm third generation Floridian - with the generations before that being from Georgia and other states below the Mason-Dixon - so I would absolutely call myself a Southerner :)</span></div>

umcollegegrl

I feel sorry for your friends and family that you are so quick to judge them based solely on the amount of money they gifted you.  Notice I said gifted - it is a gift, they are not paying for their dinner or for getting to be there on your wedding day.  If I were a guest and knew you felt that way, I probably would cancel my check.

Having grown up in a low income family I learned to value the thought of any gift at all, regardless the size, and always tried to gift what I felt comfortable with.  I've never based it off what I think the couple is paying for my dinner, but how secure I am financially at the time and my relationship to the couple.  It actually still to this day makes me uncomfortable to receive pricey gifts or large amounts of cash because its not what I'm use to.

Our gifts ranged from none, to a card, to things off our registry to $25 Target gift card to $500 checks (DH's uncles from NY actually) and an extremely generous $1000 check (DH's grandmother from NY).  On average, the cost of a gift/cash was $50 and I felt so blessed that people were so generous.  EVERYONE got heartfelt thankyous, even the people who didnt bring a card.

And as someone else pointed out, people seem fine if they receive that $30 blender they registered for, but give them $30 cash and you're cheap?  This is why I'm too also hesitant to give cash.

You should stop being so selfish and be thankful for what you received.  And if you don't appreciate it maybe you should return it.  You don't know if your guests had to sacrifice something in their life just to gift you $50.

Grow up.

BentleyBaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:f050c713-a49a-4303-bdc7-6675adbd2635Post:78b66fae-4ed4-4f90-ad01-c2dc40235a1a">Re: Wedding Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel sorry for your friends and family that you are so quick to judge them based solely on the amount of money they gifted you.  Notice I said gifted - it is a gift, they are not paying for their dinner or for getting to be there on your wedding day.  If I were a guest and knew you felt that way, I probably would cancel my check. Having grown up in a low income family I learned to value the thought of any gift at all, regardless the size, and always tried to gift what I felt comfortable with.  I've never based it off what I think the couple is paying for my dinner, but how secure I am financially at the time and my relationship to the couple.  It actually still to this day makes me uncomfortable to receive pricey gifts or large amounts of cash because its not what I'm use to. Our gifts ranged from none, to a card, to things off our registry to $25 Target gift card to $500 checks (DH's uncles from NY actually) and an extremely generous $1000 check (DH's grandmother from NY).  On average, the cost of a gift/cash was $50 and I felt so blessed that people were so generous.  EVERYONE got heartfelt thankyous, even the people who didnt bring a card. And as someone else pointed out, people seem fine if they receive that $30 blender they registered for, but give them $30 cash and you're cheap?  This is why I'm too also hesitant to give cash. <strong>You should stop being so selfish and be thankful for what you received.  And if you don't appreciate it maybe you should return it.  You don't know if your guests had to sacrifice something in their life just to gift you $50. Grow up.</strong>
Posted by umcollegegrl[/QUOTE]

This.

DevonStiles

You need to grow the f*&^ up.  For real.  How selfish can you really be?

Oh, and Hynes, I pph your siggy!

vedika

Ugh, that just grinds my gears because you would have been unhappy with ANY gift it seems. All you did was measure up the gifts that were given to you by your friends versus your family..Most times, families spend a few more dollars than friends..You should have been much more considerate in thinking that not everyone has the means to live day to day and to shell out any type of cash/gift for your wedding may have been out of their means for this month/week/day. Also, many of your guests, I am sure of it, would have had to do some sort of travelling for your event and that would have cost them enough in itself, and then you are REQUIRING a gift on top of it?! Get over yourself and try to be a little grateful with what you have versus what you don't have!

vedika

Sorry, to answer your question..Floridians give ANYTHING they want to as a gift, as long as it is something they can afford..There is no customary Floridian gift..Well, maybe a bag of oranges or a gator :]