I am so disgusted

edellis

I am Greek Orthodox and my FI is Lutheran. We have been trying to find a way to have both of our priests perform the wedding ceremony in some way or have one make some sort of a blessing. We have found so many beautifull outdoor venues, and what I want is an outdoor ceremony.

Well, the Greek priest only performs ceremonies at the church, and usually does not come out to any outside locations.

Basically, having the Greek priest at my wedding is for my dad. To me, God is God, and getting married in a church shouldn't make your marriage any more valid than the next. My mom said if a greek priest cannot be present, she said she knows my dad wont pay for the wedding.

I am just sick to my stomach. First of all, my dad goes to church 2x a year, and this is all being in CONTROL, and he loves to be in control.

I can't blame my FI for wanting his priest there. we go to his church every week, and his priest knows us personally. But it's a shame we cannot get cooperation from both sides, especially when their religion is basically the same.

My mom said there are some things that I just have to do. This just seems out of line.

irisheyezfsu

I am sorry I know the feeling my FI is Jewish and I am Catholic we are getting married in my family's Catholic Church but want to incorporate certain things from his faith that are important.  For a long time my family couldn't accept him not being Christian and it really hurt our relationship it basically came down to well we want to get married and we don't need your financial support to do it. After that started they started to slowly come around.  To a father it is ultimately more important to celebrate their daughter's wedding than faith.

I would talk to them about how you feel comfortable with the FI's minister and how for you God isn't confined to a building that you want to celebrate with them this most important day of your life but you are feeling very pressured to please them on slight details that aren't exactly what you envision for yourself.

jmucheech21

That is frustrating.  Are you and your fiance able to pay for the wedding?  I know sometimes it gets sticky when others are paying because they feel you need to do it their way.  But if you are willing and able to pay if he backs out, then I'd just say that you understand how he feels, but it is YOUR day and this is what your choosing to do.  That way if he says he won't pay for it then just say "ok, no problem, we'll pay for it then."

x3Harmony534

I was in a very similar situation, in fact my dad even said himself he wouldn't help us unless we had a Catholic ceremony in a Catholic church. In the end he came around. We're having an outdoor ceremony & FI's uncle is performing it. My situation may have been different, but give it time. Had I asked my mom she would have said NO WAY NO HOW would he come around... but he did. Talk with him & give it time... he MAY surprise you. I'm so sorry though girl, I know just how frusterating that is since FI & I were (ARE!) in no position to afford a wedding without his help. We got lucky, hopefully you will too. If not, my best advice is just to suck it up & do it if you can't afford it on your own. Many churches will be able to do a private religious ceremony seperately for the two of you, perhaps do this at FI's church?

Theresa626

Most people would tell you that you need to do what is best for you. If the greek orthodox church isn't important to you then don't bother with it.  However, I understand your predicament and wanting to please your parents.  

 I am Catholic and believe me, tons of Roman Catholics encounter the exact same problems that you do.  They never perform ceremonies outside.  Now, I'm not sure what the differences are between greek orthodox and roman catholic but I can tell you what i'd tell a roman catholic.  In situations where one person is Lutheran, etc, a priest will sometimes agree to performing a ceremony outdoors so that both parties can include part of their religion and it can be on neutral ground.  It is difficult to get approved.  You have to get approval from the bishop and you have convince them why you want it.  Make sure you never mention that you want an outdoor ceremony because it's pretty, etc.  It is so that you and your fiance's religion are both represented.  Sometimes you just have to visit a different parish where a more liberal priest will help you with this and sometimes they just don't care.  If this doesn't work, you can also consider a convalidation ceremony in which a priest blesses your marriage after the fact.  However, if they think that you got married outside the church just to have an outdoor wedding, they'll deny you this too so there has to be a good reason why you didn't get married in the church.  You could use your fiance's religion.  Another possibility is to have the Greek Orthodox ceremony in the morning with just parents and bridal party and then have the outdoor ceremony in the afternoon with everyone.  Also, the Catholic church usually allows ministers of other religions to help minister the ceremony.  Usually the priest will marry the couple while the other delivers the homily.  Talk to different churches and tell them that you would like to get married outside the church so as to make your fiance's family comfortable with their religion being part of the ceremony.  

edellis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_am-disgusted?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:fdb3f318-fb74-47bc-bd29-192eec297409Post:90030133-ad88-44ae-af63-c080bcbee66e">Re: I am so disgusted</a>:
[QUOTE]Most people would tell you that you need to do what is best for you. If the greek orthodox church isn't important to you then don't bother with it.  However, I understand your predicament and wanting to please your parents.    I am Catholic and believe me, tons of Roman Catholics encounter the exact same problems that you do.  They never perform ceremonies outside.  Now, I'm not sure what the differences are between greek orthodox and roman catholic but I can tell you what i'd tell a roman catholic.  In situations where one person is Lutheran, etc, a priest will sometimes agree to performing a ceremony outdoors so that both parties can include part of their religion and it can be on neutral ground.  It is difficult to get approved.  You have to get approval from the bishop and you have convince them why you want it.  Make sure you never mention that you want an outdoor ceremony because it's pretty, etc.  It is so that you and your fiance's religion are both represented.  Sometimes you just have to visit a different parish where a more liberal priest will help you with this and sometimes they just don't care.  If this doesn't work, you can also consider a convalidation ceremony in which a priest blesses your marriage after the fact.  However, if they think that you got married outside the church just to have an outdoor wedding, they'll deny you this too so there has to be a good reason why you didn't get married in the church.  You could use your fiance's religion.  Another possibility is to have the Greek Orthodox ceremony in the morning with just parents and bridal party and then have the outdoor ceremony in the afternoon with everyone.  Also, the Catholic church usually allows ministers of other religions to help minister the ceremony.  Usually the priest will marry the couple while the other delivers the homily.  Talk to different churches and tell them that you would like to get married outside the church so as to make your fiance's family comfortable with their religion being part of the ceremony.  
Posted by Theresa626[/QUOTE]

Those are some great ideas. Last ngiht, my FI and I talked to my dad and wanted to get a better understanding why the greek church is so impt to him.  He said the reason he is so adamant about this is b/c he'd never hear the end of it from his relatives if I got married elsewhere.   So, IMO, that;s really not a good reason at all and that's why I am upset.He said if I got married outdoors, I might as not wear a wedding dress  b/c it just wont have the same appeal.
Needless to say, the place where I wanted to have it was at the Westgate Town Center, and it's gorgeous. The marriage ceremony is performed on a beautiful, white balcony.

My FI's Lutheran priest is willing to go to any location for this wedding. However, there is another Greek church in his area, so my FI is going to see if his priest will talk to the other greek priest, who might be more lenient.

If not, it looks like we might need to consider having 2 ceremonies (one private), but my dad never made this an option (maybe he just didnt think about it). B/c my FI is a member of the Lutheran church, there is no additional marriage fee, so it's not like my father would have to pay an arm and a leg.

jmucheech21

The private ceremony with your dream ceremony after sounds like a nice idea.    That is frustrating that your father is feeling it is that important to appease his relatives.. and frustrating that your relatives don't want you to have your special day the way you envision it.  =(  Sorry you're having to deal with that..

I am Catholic and really wanted to have a Catholic ceremony.. unfortunately the Catholic Church doesn't exactly embrace my marriage, so I will be going nondenominational.  My fiance is divorced with really no good reason to annul.  Two people went through some really hard times together, changed a lot, and grew apart.  That's all.  No abuse, no deception, nothing really bad enough to annul.  There's strike 1 against us.  I want an outdoor wedding as well.  Sure, because its pretty, but also, because God created the earth, so I feel just as close to Him outside in His creation, under His sky as I do in a church.  In fact, I feel more so, because I really don't have any kind of attachment to any church in this area.  So, there's strike 2.  Strike 3 is that we live together, which is no longer a complete deterent, it does raise some eye brows.  So, unfortunately, I will not be having my Catholic wedding.  

Good luck with your situation.  I hope it works out!!!

Theresa626

jmucheech, I just wanted to say that you should go ahead with your outdoor wedding the way you wanted it but I think the Catholic church might grant your fiance an annullment.  Have you tried to get one yet?  They don't seem to be as strict about it anymore.  If you can get an annullment then a few years down the road, you might be able to get a convalidation ceremony if possible.  Also, they don't care anymore if you live together.  Most of the Catholic couples do now a days anyway.