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Marrying a non-muslim...

Has anyone else dealt with this? My mom is freaking out.
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Re: Marrying a non-muslim...

  • edited December 2011
    I am dealing with the opposite.  I am marrying a muslim and my family is freaking out. I guess my only piece of advice is, ultimately your life, is your life.  You have to be able to live with the decisions you make. If you love him and can deal with an interfaith marriage and even the possibility of your family never accepting your relationship, than go for it.  If you have doubts, take some time for yourself, step back and examine yourself, the relationship, and your life options.  Once you make a decision that you feel is for your best, stick to it and lovingly explain to your critics that you feel you are making the best choice for you and that even if they don't agree with your decisoin, you hope that can be happy to see you happy.  Best of luck. I know it is hard.
  • livvy0606livvy0606 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    well i am marrying a muslim and obviously there is going to be loots of problms, but i have no idea how to start planning this wedding
  • edited December 2011
    I think the big question that you need to figure out is WHY is your Mom freaking out?  I assume that your fiance is some other monotheistic religion and you have spoken to him about the way you would raise your children.  Perhaps your Mom is concerned for your future and well being.  It's a different story if she just doesn't believe it's right for a Muslim women to marry a non-Muslim man.  If this is the case and you know you want to be with your fiance then you really have to work this out.  Your family loves you and everyone in the end wants you to be happy.Best of Luck.
  • edited December 2011
    I think that the principal of Muslim men being allowed to marry women of the book, while Muslim women cannot is based on the fact that in Muhammad's (pbuh) time, the wife would live with her husband's family and the children would have the husband's religion.  In today's society, this is not the case.  Often, the wife is more religious and passes her religion on to the kids.  So if you will raise the children Muslim, that can go a long way!For FI's family, before I converted, they were opposed to his marrying me (I was Catholic) because I was more religious.  Therefore, although the "letter" of Qur'an was followed by our marriage, the "spirit" was not, since our children would likely end up Catholic based on my practices and FI's non-practice.Here is a great essay on the subject from an Imam who is willing to officiate marriages of Muslim women to non-Muslim men:http://www.muslim-refusenik.com/news/interfaith-marriage.html
  • LaLasNikLaLasNik member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Im a non-muslim married to a muslim man.  My parents were pretty upset at first when we started dating, but they absolutely adore him now.  Well, as much as a dad could adore the guy taking his daughter away.  If you and your FH have already discussed the religion you want to raise your kids with, then explain to your mother that your children will be muslim.  I know two muslim women married to non-muslims.  One isnt a practicing muslim, the other is.  Both have extremely supportive husbands.My husband saw the second family all at iftar the first night, and then i saw just the wife, baby and grandma the next time we went.  So, if you have that kind of relationship, where he will be supportive and interested you should have no problem!Now that I think on the subject though, i believe that all the non-muslims i know married to muslims are atheist or agnostic.  So, that might contribute to their constant encouragement.  Because they dont have any deep seeded beliefs that contradict the islamic beliefs.  Plus, you never know, they might even convert :)Goodluck!
  • edited December 2011
    I completely understand what you are going through! I am a muslim woman marrying a non-muslim man. Believe me, my parents freaked out too and I understood their reservations. For my mother, her main concern was what religion the children would be, and after my fiance and I talked (A LOT!) we decided that they would be raised muslim. However, you have to keep in mind that they will not be raised in a traditional muslim household. For example, our children will also celebrate Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving and all of those other Christian based holidays. This is easy for us, as my FI family is not religious, and celebrates the holidays culturally, which was fine by me (and my parents). The next thing that we did was speak with both families to discuss openly any reservations they have or worries, etc. I think the best thing that you can do is to be open and honest with everybody (which will be incredibly hard at first, I know.) It is perfectly natural to think whether you are doing the right thing, but in the end you have to follow your heart. My FI has been amazingly supportive and is reading the quran in his fre tiem to better understand the religion. Finding an imam might be tricky given the situation, but I founf a wonderfully progressive imam who will do a traditional nikah ceremony, but make it more western style and completely in english for the sake of all the guests. Please feel free to contact me if you need to discuss this issue anymore. The info is in my profile. Best of luck, and I hope it works out!
  • edited December 2011
    hi everyone,

    Thank you so much for your posts.  I am marrying a non-muslim, a Christian and I am going through a difficult time with my family.  ZRex I would love to support you through this.  What helps me is knowing that we share many values including our faith in Allah and if and when my mother gives my fiance a chance, she will love him

    I am looking for an imam that would perform the nikah in NYC.  If anyone knows of someone, please let me know.

    Thank you!
  • edited December 2011
    I too am marring a muslim.  My mom isn't thrilled about it.  She likes to say things like "she like him as a person".  In the end though, i think we are better off.  When people marry people of their own faith you sort of assume that you believe the same things.  When you come for different faiths, you HAVE to have these conversations.

    We are going to have something at the masji  the morning of our wedding and then have a 'christian' ceremony later.
  • edited December 2011
    Sisters, you live the lives that you choose and only you can choose to do what you want with the life ALLAH has given to you. But as far as the religious rulings go, Muslim woman cannot marry outside of the faith, whereas Muslim men are able to marry A7lal Kitaab (The people of the Book {Jews, Christians, Muslims}). We cannot make any assumptions at why ALLAH has placed this requirement for us. Women are more likely to follow the religion of their husbands. Also, the religion of the children in the future needs to be kept in mind. I can understand why your mom is freaking out! This goes against everything that she was raised knowing. At the end of the day, if you do choose to pursue this marriage, encourage your husband towards Islam, and have a proper Islamic marriage with the Imam in the masjid. No man is more than his Creator. And ALLAH is The True Provider. I think if you encourage your fiance towards Islam and he truly accepts it in his heart, everyone can be happy at the end of the day so give him da'wah and teach him about the faith. Any logical person who learns the beliefs of Islam, inshaALLAH, ALLAH will open his heart to accepting the faith. All of the best for you sister. Assalamu alaikum.
  • sirsquaredsirsquared member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    With you on this situation, ZRex. He's doing a nominal conversion this week, so hopefully that will cool things down a little. How has it worked out for you?
  • edited December 2011

    Interfaith and Intercultural relationships and marriages can be very tricky and stressful. In this ever changing world i would like to think we aer able to understand one another and accept our diffeences. I am blessed to have been raised by a Christian mother and Jewish father and now to have met my Muslim Soulmate. The wedding is a real smorgsabord. No pork, no hard liquor, and lots of love! Discussing what you both want in your wedding, goals for your lives together, and how to raise your children together. My fiance is not requesting me to convert but I am also very proactive in learning and observing some things that I feel make me a better person and wife!

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