Catholic/Muslim Ceremony

kate0326

Can anyone offer suggestions? I am catholic (not converting) and my FI is Muslim.  We are doing the walk down the isle but we are finding it hard to come up with how the ceremony should work.  My cousin is a priest and is very liberal so he wants to co officiate with the Imam.  My finance doesn't even know how to start to find an Imam who is liberal enough to work with a priest.  Any suggestios on how the ceremony could be performed would be appreciated.  I'm sure we are not the first couple to do this but don't know where to start.  Thanks!

Hinaj

Congrats on the wedding!  Its going to be really hard finding an Imam to offeciate the marraige if you are not converting.  Most of them won't marry you two until you have converted to the religion.  Tell your FI to go to a Masjid and start from there and see what an Imam says or maybe the Imam can recommend someone and maybe you guys can find recommendation through his family/friends??  I think if you read a couple of post down the board, I think the question for the ceremony was answered.  Hope it helps!!!

Hinaj

ohhh wait.....

I think you might find an Imam to marry you without problem, as long as the guy is Muslim, because I think the problem arises Muslim girl marrying a non-Muslim guy.  So you might be okay.  FI should go see an Imam about this, so you guys would know for sure.  Keep us updated!!! 

EricaBehnke

Im having the same problem. My FI is muslim and I am catholic. I would like to have some sort traditional"walking down the isle" but I dont know if that is possible in the mosque or even to have my bridesmaids and groomsmen sitting/standing with us. Are you planning to get married in a Mosque or have the cerimony at the reception site? Are you planning to ask your female guests to cover their hair during the cerimony? Please let me know if you have any luck and pass the word on my way.

Erica

Hinaj

Erica - All the weddings I have attended so far keep the bride and groom separate until the Nikkah is done.  But lately, in some blogs I have seen some Muslim weddings that were performed like an American Ceremony with the Imam.  I guess it would depend on the Imam and how liberal he is. 

And female guest should cover their head, because during the ceremony the Imam will be reading from the Quran.  But I don't know what would be the solution for any Non-Muslim ladies would be, its not like they will carry something to cover their head...I would ask the Imam. 

kate0326

Erica- We are getting married at the reception site and not asking any guests to cover their heads. Most of the women in his family don't anyway but I guess I don't know if they would because this is formal. 

Hinaj- I know most Muslim ceremonies the bride and groom are seperate for the ceremony, but my fiance understands the whole "walking down the aisle" is very important to me and having everyone there is important to me.  My cousin, a priest, is more than happy to conduct the ceremony for us but we need to find an Imam who will too. You mentioned you have been to Muslim weddings that were more American. Can you explain how so?  Thanks so much.

meelabeela

Hey Kate!  I'm having a more Amercanized Muslim wedding.  My fiance and I will both be present for the nikah.  My parents are both walking me down the aisle.  Honestly, the only Muslim weddings I've been to where the couple are separated for nikah is desi weddings so maybe that's more cultural than religious.  I've also seen weddings where both parties are together but the bride has her face covered with a veil until nikah is done. Maybe that's an option too.  I think the whole point to keep the parties separate is to ensure that the bride and groom are there on their on free will and aren't being forced into the marriage. 

There was another knottie on the SA board who was encorporating some Christian and Muslim elements into her wedding ceremony.  I think she used some readings from the Bible and from Quran.  Maybe that's an option too.  I would just be really careful with which readings you choose as to not offend anyone (I would think something from Psalms would be safe and there's are beautiful verses from Quran that are often used during weddings).

As far as finding an Imam, I'm not sure where you could start looking but I'm sure there's someone who will co-officiate.  I'm in CT too maybe the Imam doing my wedding could suggest some people in your area to talk to.  Hope this helps!

kate0326

meelabeela-  Thanks!  I'm in the Fairfield County area.  It would be great if your Imam could suggest someone.  I'd really appreciate it.

Hinaj

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_muslim-weddings_catholicmuslim-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:660Discussion:4609cb96-5783-441f-a68f-7b010aacd37bPost:6f7cc9e4-3f8f-4de2-95a5-5fcbf5fa7c84">Re: Catholic/Muslim Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Erica- We are getting married at the reception site and not asking any guests to cover their heads. Most of the women in his family don't anyway but I guess I don't know if they would because this is formal.  Hinaj- I know most Muslim ceremonies the bride and groom are seperate for the ceremony, but my fiance understands the whole "walking down the aisle" is very important to me and having everyone there is important to me.  My cousin, a priest, is more than happy to conduct the ceremony for us but we need to find an Imam who will too. You mentioned you have been to Muslim weddings that were more American. Can you explain how so?  Thanks so much.
Posted by kate0326[/QUOTE]


I have seen some where the bride walks down the aisle and both bride and groom are present when the Imam does the ceremony.  It just depends on your family and the Imam and their willingness to do it.  I am sure you will be able to find an Imam who would not have a problem with it.  When my cousins got married, which there are 8 of them who got married, all of them the bride and groom were kept apart.  I don't know if its cultural or religious, but I am leaning toward cultural.  But at the end of the day, you should have the wedding like you want.  I have only recently seen more Americanized Muslim weddings, so its definitely possible to do it the way you want. 

EricaBehnke

Thank you everyone for all your help. Its really important for me to respect and honor my FI's family. They have been nothing but supportive and loving through out the process. I was thinking to have the wedding in the NYC mosque and driving to a reception location afterwards, I was also thinking to give out hijabs to my female attendents. I could also do that at the venue if we decide to do both there too. Either way I am excited to learn more about Islam and live as husband and wife

WFH

I can't even imagine how you will live happily ever after if both of you are serving different gods?:/

EricaBehnke

How are we serving different gods???? Both him and I believe in ONE god. Whether we call him God, Dios or Allah, he is one god.

dazed2confused

I agree erica idk what she is talking about.  The religions of abraham all believe in the same God its just the other details that vary

adrenalina19

i am having the same issue. i was raised catholic and converted to islam, but my family is very catholic and my fiance's family is very conservatively islamic. not sure what weshould do with the wedding ceremony because i know my mother will be very upset if none of the catholic rituals are followed.. i have no idea what to do! just want to make everyone happy....

penelane1

Could you offer your Imam's name and information. I am marrying a muslim man and would like to begin studies on conversion and understanding the faith.

Thanks

kate0326

We are still looking for an Imam in the area, however I am not converting so the challenge for me is finding one who will co-officiate with a priest.

Knottie88925421

Good Morning everyone! I am 25 years old, recently engaged, and of a mixed background. I am Lebanese American (father is Lebanese Muslim and mother is American). With my recent engagement, there has already been quite a bit of controversy and pressure from my fathers side of the family to have a traditional Islamic ceremony which me and my fiancee are fine with, except for the fact that he doesn't feel like he should have to convert. This comes from the fact that my father is not strictly religious whatsoever and neither am I. We more want to do this as a way to respect myself as well as my dads side of the family and although he gave us his blessing, he is adamant about the fact that he wants us to have an Islamic ceremony, or Kitb Kitab so that when I do bring my future husband to Lebanon, they can see that we were married in this way and recognize us as having a legitimate marriage. I was wondering if anyone could help me out with my inquiries and if anyone knew of a liberal Imam who we could talk to who is understanding of both our backgrounds and can perform the nikkah without him technically converting? I live near NYC but I'm willing to travel elsewhere to speak to someone who will understand our situation. Thanks!

mkimitch

WFH said:

I can't even imagine how you will live happily ever after if both of you are serving different gods?:/

Fun fact about Christianity and Islam, they both believe in the exact same God, just different prophets. Muslims even believe in Jesus as a prophet of God, they just don't believe that Jesus was/is God. It's the same with the Jewish faith, except they don't believe God has sent his final prophet yet.

mkimitch

I was raised Lutheran, and my fiancé is Indian/Muslim. We're doing two ceremonies, one Indian/Muslim and one American/Christian. Our wedding will be three days long (typically Indian weddings can be around five days long, so it's a bit of a compromise), but we're fitting in both ceremonies and a more traditional American reception all in on the same day.

Is your fiancé Sunni or Shia?

aquietseason

FI and I are both agnostic - I was raised by already-lapsed Catholics, he by relatively liberal Muslims. No one's converting, we're agreed on how to live our lives/raise our kids. So we're very lucky in that regard.

That being said, we're still playing with how to combine everything. My side is easy - my parents are happy with what makes me happy, and I want something spiritual but modern (i.e. walk down the aisle, interfaith officiant, but no overtly religious content). He wants some nods to his cultural background but isn't sure exactly what as he's never been to a Bengali Muslim wedding, only Hindu ones. We're hosting and paying for our wedding, so we have a lot of freedom (almost too much) in how to create a ceremony on our own terms.

I think his family would be happiest with an entirely seperate ceremony like what @mkimitch is having but on a seperate date so they can invite as many people as they want (we're having a small wedding - inviting around 80 guests) They offered to host one, but no details have been nailed down about that yet. I know my FMIL was excited about having the gaye holoud (ie tumeric ceremony) but really didn't mention much ceremony wise day of. If they're unable/unwilling to host something seperate, then there will probably be a lot more compromising than I'm currently anticipating, lol.

It also works a lot easier for us also because a male Muslim can marry a non-Muslim without her converting, while the opposite is not true for a female Muslim marrying a non-Muslim male.

Knottie88925421 - have you spoken to your family's Imam, or one in the Lebanese community? I'm not sure how near NYC you are, but I know there's a large mixed Lebanese community in Bay Ridge in Brooklyn. I'd imagine given the relatively large Christian population in Lebanon, that they would be more understanding/knowledgeable re mixed marriages than the Muslim population overall, but I could be wrong.