Really?

7E&G7

So I just came back from a local hang out where alot of FI's friends go for the game tonite and I had the strangest conversation. I'm sitting at the bar with MOH, one of our GMs and a mural friend of ours whom where all there when I met my FI. I bring up how crazy it is that in 6months we will all be at the wedding and GM says yea I think it's too soon?!?!?!?!? In shock I asked him why he felt that way and he replied oh don't act like (FI) didn't tell u I thought that. I said no he never told me, he then says I just think you two should have dated longer blah blah blah and then the kicker he starts telling me about an argument we had Xmas eve! Right there next to everyone. I didn't say to much in response but called FI at work and told him that his GM just repeated back to me an argument we had. FI clearly couldn't talk cause he was at work but now I'm sitting here wondering what point the GM was trying to make by telling me this.( on my cellphone so sorry for any errors)

BrightFirefly

Very odd.

Is it possible the GM is resentful and feels like he might "lose a friend" after the marriage?

littlemoments324

wow!!  FI tells this guys stuff??  Hmm...I wonder what's going on...I would definitely be talking to FI about this

Madisonpenny

Well.. everyone is entitled to their own opinions.  I would try not to let it bother me. Clearly you were over what ever aurgument you had on Xmas eve but he wasn't.  I'd just ignore him him. 
As long as you and Fi are happy and are sure about what your doing, thats all that matters.

Madisonpenny

hang on.. an argument you and FI had or you and his friend cause theres a difference.

BrightFirefly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:d7e75318-1fff-43cb-9ef6-0d8d8f8d1569Post:e8c775ee-24d4-4e49-b0df-7ae0bc5c8aa4">Re: Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]hang on.. an argument you and FI had or you and his friend cause theres a difference.
Posted by Madisonpenny[/QUOTE]

I think she and FI.

But I mean - how many of us tell our girlfriends about arguments that we have?

I don't think it's a huge deal FI told his friend.

Madisonpenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:d7e75318-1fff-43cb-9ef6-0d8d8f8d1569Post:fcc84696-d1eb-4576-9c69-b950a644b727">Re: Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Really? : I think she and FI. But I mean - how many of us tell our girlfriends about arguments that we have? I don't think it's a huge deal FI told his friend.
Posted by BrightFirefly[/QUOTE]

I dont tell anyone about my arguemenst with Fi (which is a rare event in itself). I think thats between him and I not him, myself and donna, and christine and, jen, and ...

littlemoments324

I agree that it isn't a huge deal that FI told him, however, it is a big deal that his friend is blabbing about it, especially in front of others...Obviously he doesn't agree with the marriage, but it shouldn't matter because you and FI are happy and are getting married!!!

karasanel2018

I agree - maybe upset that he may be losing a friend??? It's very likely - sorry that happened. In cases like this, you sort of have to take it as it is (obviously because he made a private issue public) and talk to FI about it. That's so weird....

ETA: He technically isn't "losing" anyone - but will probably spend less time with him and that's what he's upset about. Maybe he thinks you are going to change him or something... idk. Still weird.

BrightFirefly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:d7e75318-1fff-43cb-9ef6-0d8d8f8d1569Post:5aa61cda-bd27-4a9d-953a-f09bd4578ffa">Re: Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Really? : I dont tell anyone about my arguemenst with Fi (which is a rare event in itself). I think thats between him and I not him, myself and donna, and christine and, jen, and ...
Posted by Madisonpenny[/QUOTE]

Sometimes some people just gotta vent or seek outside opinion to see if they're being totally irrational or not.

It's cool that you don't ever discuss arguments with outside parties - but I don't think it's unreasonable to discuss disagreements with others.

But it really depends on what the argument was about  in my opinion- like how personal the topic was. Was it about who should load the dish washer and that argument blew up..or are we talkin somethin more personal?

<strong>I agree that it isn't a huge deal that FI told him, however, it is a big deal that his friend is blabbing about it, especially in front of others...Obviously he doesn't agree with the marriage, but it shouldn't matter because you and FI are happy and are getting married!!!</strong>

I totally agree. Dude shouldn't be runnin his mouth about it for sure- but I wouldn't take it as a reflection of FI's opinion on the wedding. The GM is just bein an ass.

hmacsine

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:d7e75318-1fff-43cb-9ef6-0d8d8f8d1569Post:0145ec64-b06b-42a3-a27e-797c6c576d17">Re: Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that it isn't a huge deal that FI told him, however, it is a big deal that his friend is blabbing about it, especially in front of others...Obviously he doesn't agree with the marriage, but it shouldn't matter because you and FI are happy and are getting married!!!
Posted by littlemoments324[/QUOTE]

i agree! I probably wouldn't get mad at your fi for talking to his friend. I would talk him to get his friend in check.  Is there a reason why you and his friend are at odds?

Madisonpenny

Yup I agree, FI's friend shouldn't be running his mouth.

7E&G7

Thanks everyone, GM and I have never had any issues at all he was actually the one to introduced us so that's why it was so weird to me. I'm not mad at FI because I must admit I have vented to a friend before, but tonite just seemed like he was trying to prove why we should wait longer to get married. It changed the whole atmosphere my MOH went to smoke and everyone else was just acting like they didn't hear it, I was so uncomfortable I just left right after. I'm going to talk to FI tonite when he gets home and try to not let what GM bother me cause he does have the right to his opinion I just never expected him to say it let alone to everyone.

Rebis58

I don't have a problem with your FI telling his friend about the fight (depending what it was about). Don't get me wrong, I don't blab our business to everyone. But I do have a very good friend who is also friends with FI (meaning she knows his good qualities, vs. some of my friends who have only met him once or twice). I tell her about our fights, because I trust her to keep it quiet, know she won't judge, and she gives me her honest opinion not just blindly taking my side.

BUT, if this friend of mine went and told FI that she thought it was too soon to get married, and threw a fight in his face that I had told her in confidence, I would absolutely get mad and stop telling her personal details about our relationship. I think your FI's actions now that he is aware of what his friend said are important in terms of whether there is a problem or not.

Now with the friend saying he doesn't think you're ready, don't listen to him. You and your FI know what's right for you. If you don't have any concerns, just let it go. He's probably either jealous of the time your FI spends with you that used to be guy time, or maybe he's just not as mature emotionally as you and your FI, and since he knows HE wouldn't be ready for marriage, he assumes his friends wouldn't be either. 

One other possibility, that you may want to explore with your FI, is that if your FI tends to vent to this guy during tough times, but doesn't tell him about the good times, maybe his friend is getting a skewed vision or your relationship. It might be something he is totally unaware of doing. Just something to think about...

hmacsine

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:d7e75318-1fff-43cb-9ef6-0d8d8f8d1569Post:ca20841b-1a41-4ddc-adef-22345b8ffad0">Re: Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have a problem with your FI telling his friend about the fight (depending what it was about). Don't get me wrong, I don't blab our business to everyone. But I do have a very good friend who is also friends with FI (meaning she knows his good qualities, vs. some of my friends who have only met him once or twice). I tell her about our fights, because I trust her to keep it quiet, know she won't judge, and she gives me her honest opinion not just blindly taking my side. BUT, if this friend of mine went and told FI that she thought it was too soon to get married, and threw a fight in his face that I had told her in confidence, I would absolutely get mad and stop telling her personal details about our relationship. I think your FI's actions now that he is aware of what his friend said are important in terms of whether there is a problem or not. Now with the friend saying he doesn't think you're ready, don't listen to him. You and your FI know what's right for you. If you don't have any concerns, just let it go. He's probably either jealous of the time your FI spends with you that used to be guy time, or maybe he's just not as mature emotionally as you and your FI, and since he knows HE wouldn't be ready for marriage, he assumes his friends wouldn't be either.  One other possibility, that you may want to explore with your FI, <strong>is that if your FI tends to vent to this guy during tough times, but doesn't tell him about the good times, maybe his friend is getting a skewed vision or your relationship</strong>. It might be something he is totally unaware of doing. Just something to think about...
Posted by Rebis58[/QUOTE]

good point! I didn't even think about this.

7E&G7

FI's friends do see me more now than FI because he tends to pick up extra shifts because of the wedding coming up but he is a chef and his hours are long and wacky from the start. GM has said a few times he only see's FI every two months which FI also says about going out, clearly he is venting to GM w/o a doubt about stressful issues. GM and FI were the party pair of their circle and would go out almost every nite till FI and I got together from what I hear now GM has a gf also with my same name lol. I really think in a way GM feels like I took his friend.

mekiakoo

That's not cool- I mean it's fine that your FI told somebody about the arugment, but out of respect, the friend should have kept it to himself. Talk to your FI about this, I hope this is not common with this friend (running his mouth). 

michelle11988

I would just give your FI a heads up that his friend blabbed about the fight in front of everyone.  I wouldn't be mad at FI for venting to someone, you sometimes have to do it instead of making a situation worse.  FI can then talk to his friend if he wants to about blabbing secret info or just stop telling him stuff, FI should make that decision.