Rant about FMIL inviting herself on our honeymoon

theponz512

Hello everyone. This is a post that I never thought I would have to write. When we got engaged last April, and started planning for our October wedding, FMIL very plainly stated that we should "elope and maybe have a party when we get back" because "she never wanted a wedding, so she doesn't understand why we are so set on it". I pretty much ignored that, and accepted that she didn't want to contribute financially to the wedding. She did however offer to pay for the honeymoon, while continuosly reminding me I can still elope if I want to. (FI has talked to her countless times about this, she wont stop.) She told us to pick a honeymoon, anything we wanted, and she would cover it. So we did. We picked an AI resort in Mexico. WELL apparently thats not what she had in mind, and instead suggested a cruise. Although we had our heart set on the AI, we told her we would consider it.
We went on a cruise together last week, and the ship had a promotion going on. If you booked your next cruise onboard, you got $200 in onboard credit, and you also got 2 vouchers for $100 to give to friends and family who want to book the same cruise. My FI and I and been having such a great time on the cruise, that we thought "why not? we would like doing this for our honeymoon." So we went to the booking desk that day to get information. As soon as FMIL heard the vouchers information she said to me "You guys can give me one of those vouchers, because I love the places that cruise is going to, and realy want to go. Don't worry I wont stay in the same cabin as you."

I was completely shocked. This our honeymoon. Our first vacation together as a married couple, and she wants to tag along? Am I the only one who thinks this is completely out of line, and just a little crazy?

Maggie0829

Money = strings.

Nothing can stop her from going on the same cruise as you whether or not you and your FI pay for it yourself or she does.

But what you can do, is tell her "thanks but no thanks, that you and FI will book and pay for a HM yourself".  Then book the HM that you want and do not tell her where you are going.

But if you do end up on the same crusie you should know after being on one how big the boat is and how many other people are on board.  If she does pay for your cruise I would set-up a time to have a nice dinner together on the curise but leave the rest of the time for just you and your FI.  You don't have to tell her what you two will be doing or where you will be.  I would even call up the cruise line after it is booked to see if they can switch your cabin so that she won't even know which room you are staying in and inform the cruise line not to give out that information.  There are many ways to still have a romantic HM with just you and your FI even if your FMIL is on the same cruise as you.

rel1988

Yikes! If she is being this invasive regarding eloping, not liking where you picked the HM after she offered to pay, etc I can only imagine her trying to crash your cruise HM. Would she be going alone or with a guest? If you do end up allowing her to go, I would set aside some guidelines and directly tell her that although you appreciate her footing the tab, you don't feel comfortable spending together time as this is your honeymoon. If she has a problem with it then I would suggest footing the bill yourself if you can afford it.

alithebride

unless you book and sell out the entire cruise ship for yourselves she is well within her right to take that trip.

lesson learned. dont let her pay for anything.

and if she DOES end up going on the same cruise you can easily avoid her. don't tell her which stateroom is yours, dont tell her when you'll be eating dinner, which day trips you'll be taking.



i'm wondering what your FI's take on all of this is?

theponz512

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_rant-about-fmil-inviting-herself-on-our-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:be1921fe-4dd7-483e-932c-098b132ce99cPost:de12918c-c080-4c81-b63b-5485195c4df9">Re: Rant about FMIL inviting herself on our honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Rant about FMIL inviting herself on our honeymoon : So you booked a cruise, in part because it came with promotional vouchers for friends, then you told FMIL about the vouchers, and now you are surprised she wants to tag along? Why would you mention the vouchers to anyone if you didn't want them to book the same cruise as you? You just as easily could have torn them up and kept your mouth shut. Your FMIL didn't invite herself, you did, when you told her about the vouchers.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]


No I didn't tell her about the vouchers. The guys at the information desk on board did. We did not book the cruise. Just clearing that up.

theponz512

I apologize. I didn't make it clear enough in the OP. I didn't tell her, she was with us at the information desk, and heard it from the guy who gave us that information. Sorry, just wanted to clear that up.

And the other day my FI and I discussed it and decided we would just wait to take the honeymoon until we could pay for it. when he called to tell his mom, she informed him she had already booked it. We don't know if she will be tagging along or not, but if she does I guess it doesn't really matter.
 
I mean we are getting married, plenty of time for vacations alone, right?

kmmssg

Just curious, who is accompanying HER on the cruise?  Please don't tell me she is going alone.

Might be wise for FI to have a very direct discussion with her about boundaries on the ship and that you won't be doing things with her.

vexie

just a word of advice... make sure you book different dinner seating times than her or you'll end up sitting WITH her every night!  I'd also check to see how close her room is to yours.  You might want to pay extra for an upgrade to a different deck....just to be sure