XP:MOH dilemma wwyd??

boderoe

So my maid of honor yesterday decided to shave her head for a cancer cause. Which is a great thing and a great cause. But she did not talk with me about it. I understand that people are going to tell me that I'm selfish but I don't know what to do. The whole time I've been planning this wedding she's tried to make it about her. And when I had finally stood my ground about everything she had done to make this wedding about her she does is... She is one that always has to have all attention on her. I mean she told my bridesmaids that i couldnt have my bridal shower or bachellorette party until she came down for the wedding whivh isnt until the weekend before the wedding!!! And now she will have all the attention I feel like she's going to have everyone looking at her because she shaved her head. The wedding is a month away!. I feel like I'm going to have these photos for the rest of my life and I will always have her in them with her head shaved... I just don't get it. What should I do? I mean I talked to her yesterday and she never said one word to me about it. Not that she was going to do it or that she had done it.

blgrout

But she did it for a good cause.  I totally understand where you're coming from, since she just surprised you with this, but you have to remember that she did this for a good cause and that takes a lot of guts to do something so brash, even if part of her did this for the attention.  The way I see it, you have 2 choices.  You can deal with it and understand that she did this for a good cause, or if it really bothers you that much, then ask her to wear a wig.  I wouldn't expect a good reaction from that though.  Some people are AW's, and shaving your head is a definite attention getter, but it still take a lot of guts, IMO.


I have had cancer and one of my good friends currently has cancer so I'm probably not going to have a lot of sympathy for you since a couple of my friends are talking about shaving their head for our friend who is in the middle of losing her hair to chemo (I never had to have chemo since it is largely ineffective against melanoma) and I would never, ever fault them for doing so even if it looked funny in my wedding pictures. 

Just remember, if you end up married at the end of the day, then that's all that matters.  It's not about attention grabbers or how your wedding pictures will look.

em01092

Ditto PP. If she truly did this for attention, then she's going to look silly. You are the bride. Nothing is going to take away from that. Even if she showed up in a white dress and veil, it would still not be a negative reflection upon you. I understand you are upset, as I would be, but it's her body and she shouldn't have to consult with you about what she does to it. I personally would have waited until after your wedding, but what's done is done. 

rlavach

I'm kind of up in the air about this one. Yes, she is doing it for a good cause and if that is her sole intention, then you can't blame her. I also think her timing is terribly off. She could've waited until after your wedding. Then again, I don't know the full situation. Perhaps these friends aren't doing well and by the time your wedding is over, they may not be around anymore. 

Ass I know is, she is the one that will look weird. People will probably stare at her for a second longer than they would before, but they will all still be fixated on you. Her hair will not outshine you.

futuremrsdavies

I think the issue isn't that she did this for a good cause, the issue is DID she do this for a good cause or did she do this for the attention?  I'd like to think it was for the good cause and not just for the attention but I guess only you would know that for sure.

Ultimately though, regardless of her intent, there really isnt much you can do.  I mean aside from asking her to step out of the party or to wear a wig, which is in and of itself pretty rude, what choice do you have.

I must admit though, despite the good cause, I'd be hurt too that someone was taking the spotlight away from me.  She easily could have waited to 6 weeks to make her statement...though I realize this makes me a god awful person for saying out loud.

boderoe

Another point is that she has never had anyone that she had know that had pass from cancer or has cancer. She's cut her hair before like this for no reason to get attention. I get everyone's opinion. I'm just so confused.

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_xpmoh-dilemma-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:65b0807f-81da-4c1f-8e47-7994aab9fcf0Post:9af5fbdc-9cd9-4efd-ba0a-483125aa9419">Re: XP:MOH dilemma wwyd??</a>:
[QUOTE]Another point is that she has never had anyone that she had know that had pass from cancer or has cancer. She's cut her hair before like this for no reason to get attention. I get everyone's opinion. <strong>I'm just so confused.</strong>
Posted by boderoe[/QUOTE]

<div>I would be too, love. I really do. I'd be like WTF, you couldn't wait until after my wedding??! Really? </div><div>
</div><div>But at the same time, there just isn't much you about it at this point. If she was <em>considering </em>it still, different story. But she's done it. </div><div>
</div><div>If you don't think you can let it go, maybe have a frank talk with her. Better to get it out than bottle it up and the littlest thing she does on the day of set you off. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

cgyvhu

I dunno, I still agree with blgrout - she did it for a good cause, and it's your wedding, you will still get all the attention.

My MOH is my best friend and I trust her completely.  If she did this prior to my wedding without telling me I would be shocked, but trust that she made the right decision for herself/friends/family/etc.  Maybe this bothers you a lot because you and your MOH have friendship issues to start with?

FutureMrsWright2012

I agree with a lot of what the PP's have had to say. I can understand and appreciate your frustration, but unfortunately, there's not a lot that you can do. Your wedding's not for about 5 weeks, so by then hopefully she'll have at least somewhat of a pixie haircut which should at least detrack from the attention you think she was trying for. Either way, as PP's have said, the day is about you and your FI and if she did it to get attention she'll end up looking pretty silly (since it's not like you're going to make a big announcement at the wedding as to why she shaved her head Brittney Spears-style).

Good luck! 

blgrout

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_xpmoh-dilemma-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:65b0807f-81da-4c1f-8e47-7994aab9fcf0Post:6cd76ca2-e4b9-40b9-bf49-dd938089b8d4">Re: XP:MOH dilemma wwyd??</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with a lot of what the PP's have had to say. I can understand and appreciate your frustration, but unfortunately, there's not a lot that you can do. Your wedding's not for about 5 weeks, so by then hopefully she'll have at least somewhat of a pixie haircut which should at least detrack from the attention you think she was trying for. Either way, as PP's have said, <strong>the day is about you and your FI and if she did it to get attention she'll end up looking pretty silly</strong> (since it's not like you're going to make a big announcement at the wedding as to why she shaved her head Brittney Spears-style). :) Good luck! 
Posted by FutureMrsWright2012[/QUOTE]

In the end, it really boils down to this.  Your guests are coming to your wedding to see YOU not her.  If it would make you feel better to talk to her about it, then you should.  If she's one of your closest friends, you should be able to say "look, I know that you did this for a good cause and all but it bugs the isht out of me" and just lay it out on the table, so you can move past it.   And future mrs.wright is right that maybe within 5 weeks she'll have more of a pixie cut than a shaved head.

boderoe

Thank you ladies. I called her and talked with her. She's going to buy a wig for the wedding.

quiggels219

Wait - she doesnt know anyone with cancer? Never has?  Are you sure?  Is there a possibility something is going on you dont know about?? I think it is great to do for a friend or relative that is losing her hair - I get that. ould I do it? No, but I get it.  But you said she knows noone and just decided to stand for this cause right before standing up next to you at your wedding?  If that happened I first off would be shocked and I would also be upset at my BM/MOH. 

You can't do anything about it at this point except ask her to wear a wig, but I don't see that going over well.  I say just deal with it, and try to focus on everything else that will be going on that day.  I'm sorry. 

cdbishop

This is tough, because there isn't much you can do about it.  If she is doing it for a good cause, even if she hasn't had someone directly effected by cancer, I think that is good for her showing support for anyone out there.  I agree with PP that even if she did this, people aren't coming to your wedding to see her, it will be about you and if you remember that, don't worry about her non-hair.