Wedding Day Blues :(

alohakyla

I am twenty years old and getting married in the Spring as is the wish of my father. He thought 9mo. was a short engagement what he didn't get is that we wanted the wedding earlier to SAVE money. Now we will spend more because the wedding is set for some time in Apr/May we are flexible. Now he's put me in the position of finding a place I like and also an affordable one. Which of course is ridiculous at this point. We have a budget of $4000.00 period the end. We cannot go over that. My dress and his Tux and the rings are not included in that price.I just got laid off and we are both College age. I want an outdoor wedding but not some city park and anything BUT a community center for my reception. Maybe this is asking a lot but I didn't grow up dreaming about my wedding and now that I have started too...I'm limited in everything. It's been frustrating,depressing,and heart breaking. This experience so far outside of our relationship and to-be marriage has been miserable. I officially hate wedding planning. I need some help and can't even afford that...what do I do? I'm looking for woodsy or a garden so that outside decor isn't a problem :Sigh: , maybe I'm asking too much or being too picky.

zsazsa-stl

Which is more important - the wedding of your dreams or getting married now?  If you would rather be married, then think about your family and friends and who might have a pretty back yard to use.  Or get over you aversion to public parks.If you would rather wait and have the wedding of your dreams, then save your money and wait.  You likely don't want to hear it, but 20 is really, really young to be getting married. Someday you may wish that you had waited anyway.

ecugirl06

I totally agree if it feels like that then wait. If getting married means more than waiting find a gardens or a nice woodsy backyard of a family member. The prettiest, most romantic setting I've seen was a wooded back yard and there were candles hanging from branches everywhere. The brides dress was handmade and was very earthy. There was alot of pathways that wound through some bushes and trees until you got to an opening. It was the plainest but prettiest ever. Do what matters, its not about having a fancy table setting. Good luck to you.

NorthernBelle26

Maybe you could look into renting out a local bed and breakfast.  They're often located on beautiful property that's well maintained.

alohakyla

:sigh: Alright let me explain something. I am not rushing and neither is he. Yeah Twenty(he is 22) is young but that's an old argument besides how many 30 somethings are actually making it? The statistics aren't much better. I'm not getting married so I can "have the family I always wanted" or so I can have sex every day.I didn't want to get married till I was 17 years old . I could have cared less really. I wanted to be single. I am a Christian and have been my entire life. I wanted to be a full-time Missionary in another country or even in the U.S. I wanted to teach girls why purity was important not just be another ignorant telling them sex is bad. Why you should wait for your wedding night and what marriage is and why it's important not just that you should wait till then to do anything. I wanted to share my faith with people around the world.Then the Lord put marriage on my heart and I thought He was nuts but continued to pray about it. I am in love with the man I am with and my family and friends think he's great. We both love and serve the Lord faithfully and are doing everything we can including getting counseling to make sure we have the healthiest marriage we can have. We are more mature than most our age and expect much of each other and those around us. Just because you're "only 20" doesn't mean you should act like a 2yr old. I know plenty of immature people our age and adults who should not have gotten married either when they did or at all. Like I said we aren't in a rush my gosh we're waiting a year and a month to even get married. Keeping our hands to ourselves while doing so. I get where you guys are coming from please don't misunderstand me I am not trying to be disrespectful but these are the typical arguments and to be honest they hold no water. Look at arrnaged marriages and all the people who got married around 15-17 back in the day and stayed married and happy. Why do people think this is such an impossibility? It's parents who tell their kids that that mess things up for them later. Not saying your kid is going to be right when at 16 they say they are in love. I'm just saying it's that kind of advice that makes your daughters settle for the second best guy because they thought well he waited the right amount of time and  I probably won't get better. Men lessen their expectations and I just don't think that's fair to you or to them. I'm sorry for those who did end up unhappy and we never intend it that way it's not their fault it happens. But lets not put a damper on other peoples happy day.

blynn03

I guess I can't speak for everyone, but I'll just throw this out there.  I don't really think anyone mentioned age as a way to judge you for getting married at a young age, or at least that's not how I read it. I think the point that they were trying to make is that if you want to do the big fancy wedding, you have plenty of time to save up if you want to wait an extra year or even 2.  I think they meant that since you are so young, you don't have to be in a hurry IF you are worried about having the wedding of your dreams. 

imsoskarude

I see that you are in Ohio, me and my fiance are getting married at The Holden Arboretum in October of 2010 www.holdenarb.org Which is in Kirtland, OH. It is a gorgeous place, it has gardens, upon gardens to have your ceremony, and the reception hall is the visitor center (its a lot better than it sounds!) Also, if you have a small guest list, you could have the reception at the Katherine Thayer Center adjacent to the visitor center, which has a good atmosphere. And it even has a big glass window that overlooks the butterfly garden, which I am sure you could set up the dance floor near it (Its what I wanted to do, but I have over 100 guests coming at this point :-/ ) The rental for the arboretum costs you only $1000 which if you look around, you really won't find something quite as beautiful for as cheap as that (I think its discounted for a Friday evening wedding too, it might be $800) But you have to use one of their caterers. I really Culinaire Pavane. They offer clambakes and pig roasts. As far as cutting costs down, the biggest thing you will spend money on is your caterer. A suggestion I considered was having a really elegant setting like the arboretum, but serving some good BBQ. You could do a pig roast (Heck, you could do a pig roast and have a Luau theme, which is always fun!) After pricing the Pig roasts, you can get the cost at about 10 to 20 dollars a head. Secondly, you should shave the guest list down. Wayyyyy down! A small, elegant, intimate wedding of 30 to 40 people is going to cost you A LOT less than 100 people. What we have done is only invited Aunts and Uncles, brothers and sisters, Moms and Dads, and of course our friends. If we invited ALL of our cousins, we would be looking at a guest list of 225 people. Not a possibility for us. Also, to cut more costs down, find someone (maybe you or your fiance even!) Who has a laptop, and compile a really good playlist of music. This cuts out the need for a DJ. I mean, you can ask one person you know you can trust to MC your wedding (Directing people to cake cutting, bouquet toss, etc etc) There are a lot of good online resources that give great ideas of what (and especially what not to) play at a wedding. You can rent the audio equipment necessary (and usually through the venue you are having it at) at a minimal and fraction of the cost that a Dj costs. As far as a photographer goes, you can try to find a student or experienced photography enthusiast with the proper equipment to take pictures at your wedding. You could even hire them to take the posed pictures of you and your wedding party, along with pictures of your parents and in-laws, and then after that send them on their way. A lot of people buy the disposable cameras and put them on the tables for their guests to use at the reception. Honestly it's kind of cool to see your wedding from your guests perspectives. And then on their way out have a drop box for all the disposables, and see what develops! Some people argue that its tacky, and you may feel the same, but you can do a honeymoon registry where your guests help pay for your honeymoon. I don't recommend putting the plane tickets on there and hotel, but they can buy you activities to do, like a candlelit dinner, or snorkeling, etc. I think that if you two have been keeping to yourselves, you both could benefit from definitely going on a honeymoon Finally, you can do your own bouquets as well. www.fiftyflowers.com sells fresh flowers in bulk. Seriously, making a simple hand tied bouquet of flowers is really easy. Honestly, a wedding for 4 grand is a stretch, but you can do it. I hope I was helpful with my recommendations. I think one of the things that might make you feel better too is going to pick out your dress. I kind of felt like you not too long ago, where I was really dreading planning a wedding on a budget, but then I went to look at wedding dresses, and I wound up buying the first one I tried on. It made me a lot more proactive with the planning.

reddy123

If you hate wedding planning, it will be very hard to pull of a nice wedding at that price. However, many brides on here are very crafty and creative with the planning and pull off miracles with the help of friends on low budgets. Every bride has that "OMG I can't afford it moment" when they see the final bill to their dream wedding and ya know what? they change their dream! They don't sacrifice class, just all the fluff and bling they thought they wanted. We are ALL on budgets. We all just pick what's most important to us and cut, cut, cut everything else. You might end up spending half your budget on a beautiful garden, and not having a dinner or designer dress, because that's what you care about most. Also I'm fairly certain there are wedding planner packages at all price points. You should look into this ASAP, you will be thanking yourself later!!!

rlyttle

I agree with many others that 20 is WAY too young to get married! I'm 27 and I'm engaged. I thought I wanted to marry my boyfriend when I was 20, but boy have my thoughts changed!! I'm so glad that I've moved past the relationship and I'm now marrying my wonderful fiance!!! Good luck! You have WAY too many experiences to have been getting married!

ecsmiles

"I agree with many others that 20 is WAY too young to get married! I'm 27 and I'm engaged. I thought I wanted to marry my boyfriend when I was 20, but boy have my thoughts changed!! I'm so glad that I've moved past the relationship and I'm now marrying my wonderful fiance!!! Good luck! You have WAY too many experiences to have been getting married!"My thoughts exactly.  When I was 20, I thought I was going to marry my boyfriend - we had been together for years and he seemed so perfect.  But you need the life experiences to find out who you are (yes, i'm sure you think you know now) in order to be truly happy and fulfilled in your marriage. 

laurening

Your sitaution is one that MANY couples must deal with. Here are your options if you're on a serious budget: 1)Wait to get married so you can save more money. In the meantime, get 2nd jobs and put yourselves on serious budgets;2) Plenty of couples have lovely weddings on budgets of around $5000. Check out the Budget Brides board and the DIY (do it yourself) board. With option 2, you'll have to get creative, do lots of research, and put a lot of work into it comparison shopping, negotiating and DIY'ing. Or keep the affair small or simple. It's like the saying goes - you can't have champagne taste on a beer budget. Something has to give - whether it's waiting a year or move to save or adjusting your expectations and putting a lot of work into having a nice wedding on a budget.  

laurening

that's waiting a year or *more* not "move." Don't move. That costs money.

alohakyla

:sigh: Well I think I'm done posting or asking for help since the only people who have read this feel the need to lecture me about how long I should wait. I wasn't looking for a lecture of for "waiting advice" you don't think I haven't heard it? I realize what you're all doing is trying to be helpful but it really isn't helping to be honest. I don't want to sound rude or anything but I was asking for help not for every parent/adult on here to tell me about their experience and how long they waited or think I should wait. You are not me and it doesn't work that way for all of us. My faith and my beliefs have a lot to do with all of this which is a point that none of you hit on and all seemed to either miss or ignore.So I am going to keep looking and do my very best. Thank you for all your responses.-Kyla

tinydancer842

I also met my FI when I was young -- we were 18 yrs old. We have known for a long time that we will want to get married. However, financially it was not feasible. Last year, I finally found a full-time job & we were able move in together (with the help of his parents, since his is still in law school). By the time we get married he will be finishing up his bar exam. I will also be 24 yrs old & he will be 25. We got engaged in January and not getting married until August 2010 (1 yr 8 month engagement). It seems like a long time, but it flies by! Anyways, my point is if we got married at 20 we would not be as good of a situation as we are now. We will both be gainfully employed, have a place to live, & will be able to have our "dream" wedding to boot. I am not saying you are too young, but I understand that you want your dream wedding & I think you could have that if you waited longer to get married. I know you think waiting a couple years is agony, but really time does fly. The waiting may also be less stressful if you guys lived together first too.

Megan031710

I just want to add that I'm getting married on a WEDNESDAY, and because it is a "Weekday" wedding almost ALL of my vendors are just EXCITED to be getting buisness on a weekday and they are making all kinds of deals and concessions. If you have to have the wedding in that month then maybe do a weekday wedding instead of the weekend. Furthermore, maybe elope? Then come back and have a really fun reception? Sorry to hear your having so many problems with the planning, I know your NOT alone... I've shed my share of tears! Good luck!

Deidra123

The only idea that I have is why don't you try posting on your local board or on the Budget Brides board? Maybe you can get some help with identifying locations and vendors that are going to help you make your budget.I know you're young but do what's in YOUR heart.  Not in your daddy's heart.  You have to grow up if you are going to be someone's wife.  That means making decisions on your own, not based on what your daddy says. I know it's tough. I'm a daddy's girl so I know.  However, don't go into your marriage apprehensive about drawing the line with your parents.  Your FH will not appreciate it and you will never become the woman that you can be.Good luck with your wedding and your planning!! Enjoy it!!!

[Deleted User]

I hope you get to read this. I am shocked so many brides felt that it was OK to lecture another bride. Especially when she was looking for help. This should be a place to celebrate our future lives. Here are my budget suggestions 1. Buy a sample dress. 2. Make your own bouquet from silk flowers and look for sales. If red is your color you will have options now through valentines day. 3. Look at colleges to have your reception. 4. KEEP CALLING. I was looking for transportation the right call & I found it for $400. 5. I went to a recent wedding where the couple had a family only ceremony on the steps of the capital, diner at a restaraunt & then apps only at the reception. They missed nothing. It was a great time! 6. Have DIY be your montra. Good luck & CONGRADULATIONS!!!!