Kids or no kids?

adnjim2010

Our wedding is now TWO months away and we are about to send out the invitations.  I didn't want to have kids at the reception at all, but now my cousin says she cannot come if she cannot bring her three kids - she has no one to leave them with (that's because their WILD, BTW!)  I really want her and her husband there, but not their kids, and if I invite their kids then I have to invite everyone else's kids and that is not at all what I envisioned for my perfect day - what do I do???  Help!

Lisa8888

Stick to your guns. No kids. Your cousin is capable of getting a babysitter. She doesn't want to get a babysitter. If you let her bring kids, other people will want to bring their kids and there will be hurt feelings.

jagore08

This is something that you and your FI need to decide.  We didn't have kids at our wedding (except for my two nephews) and we understood that some of our friends and family wouldn't be able to make it if they couldn't bring their kids.  That's the trade off.  How important is it to have your cousin there?  If you can't imagine her not being there to share in the day with you then you need to invite the kids.

HKD817

I think you and your FI have some talking to do. I personally want kids at my wedding. I have a lot of cousins that are young and i'm very close with them. I want them to be there. So it is a personal decision. Everyone is different

bbyckes

Yes, I had a lot of kids at my wedding.  It made it fun.  Honestly, this is something that should have been decided LONG LONG before now.

Lisa8888

In addition to then having to invite other people's kids, why would you even consider inviting 3 WILD kids?

You have to also consider your other guests. No one wants to have to hear and put up with wild kids.

spechtholdn

I agree, it's something you and your FI have to really decide. I think it also depends on how formal your event is. I don't feel kids are a good idea at a really formal place or event, but that's just my opinion. I'm not having them at my wedding. 1) because it would add like 30 extra people if I do. 2) It's at an art museum and some of the younger cousins are not very well behaved, I don't want to worry about them ruining some priceless piece of art. 3) I want an adult event that we can enjoy as adults.

I am also not even having a flower girl or ring bearer, so it helps that I don't have to have ANY at all.

If you feel that you really don't want to have to deal with it then I would say no.

cherylatlanta

I have absolutely no problem being upfront with the 'no-kids' invitation.  I'll address to Mr and Mrs and because I'll have contact with most of my guests, I'll even mention it again.  One thing someone said to me a while ago is how nice it is to get an adults only invitation to things every once in a while.  It 'forces' (the word is too strong but I can't think of another!) the couple to take the evening to themselves and make it a date night. 

mahoneyv1

Another idea (which I am considering and will most likely do for my wedding) is to get an onsite sitter - kind of like church, gyms, etc - that way everyone can come, but you don't have to worry about the interruption of crying babies during your ceremony.  You simply set aside a room/area in which the children can play, watch movies, etc, then you don't have to pay for a meal/seat/anything for them, instead you can stick them in the room and feed them pizza or something.

MooreDawson

It's honestly whatever you want it to be when it comes down to it. I have twin 4 y/o daughters and they are in the wedding. My fiance has one nephew he REALLY wanted to be here for the wedding. So on the one invitation we put his sister, BIL, and the oldest child names. On the response card we wrote Children 12 & up only. Everyone else simply got it addressed to the parents. His sister was furious when she found out the two youngest couldn't come, and despite how many times we explained that she had 5 weeks to find someone to watch them, she insists she won't be attending. We even told her they were invited to the rehearsal/dinner, day after brunch and any other activity. It was a risk we took and we're sorry they won't be joining us, but my children aren't even staying the whole time. We're getting married at 7:30pm and there is an open pool in a small space with lots of alcohol. It was a judgment choice and you'll have to choose how you want to word it and if people decide not to come than that is their choice and you can't be faulted for it. As long as you're not mean about the way you word it or how you explain it to people everyone should understand.  As I mother, it's nice to get an invite to something other than a Dora party, or a family thing every once in a while. Remember that most of your friends may feel this way too.

divine_chaos

I say do what you want! We have a no kids but our policy in effedt and addressed invites to th eadults only (we had to postpone our wedding a year this is why invites went out already). The best mans wife refuses to attend our wedding because we did not invite the kids and I say it just goes to show who means something. If you won't attend an event by the rules of the party inviting you then you should stay home. We only had this one person that had issue with it and we dont feel bad at all. Our day, our choice, our memories.

Do what you feel is right for you and let everyone else get over themselves.

janelle.boerger

My fiance and I are also not inviting children. We are having an outdoor ceremony, and I do not want kids running around (on one side of the family - the parents have a hard time watching their kids). Anywhoo - I've mentioned it in our save the dates - that our ceremony as well as reception will be in an adult setting. I will mention it on our invites, and our RSVP card will state "We have reserved ____ seats in your name." So they really get the clue. If they bring their kids - well a) that makes the parents look bad and b) we'll have an on-site sitter just in case. We have a flower girl and a ring bearer. Our ring bearer is a wild child - with no discipline. Should be interesting. HA!

Good luck!

trix1223

If someone threatens not to come because their kids aren't invited, simply shake your head (a little sadly) and say "I'm so sorry to hear that.  You'll be missed."  And then mean it.

There is no entitlement that one's children will be invited to everything that mommy and daddy are.  And you can offer on-site babysitting, but I know very few people who will leave their children with a stranger and there are also kids who will kick up a fuss when mommy and daddy try to leave them.  So then you're in a real pickle:  kids are AT the venue but won't stay in the room.  Now what? Skip the onsite sitter.  It's really not wisely spent $$.

A wedding invitation is not a subpoena.  If people choose not to attend for any reason, including that their kids aren't invited, that's fine.  But you also can't get into a snit if people choose to stay home instead of attend the wedding.

lblumetti

It would be a little difficult to just invite your cousins children and no other children.  That may cause waves.  I think if you are going that route, you have to invite all or none.  We aren't inviting children to our wedding, except the two that are in the bridal party.