I still can't believe it...(Long)

glitrgrl25

I asked my two closest friends from college to be my co-maids of honor.  Rather than distinguish, I wanted to give both of them a special role.  Both of them have a lot on their plates personally, and I didn't ask for showers, parties, or even wedding gifts.  The only thing that I asked was that they stand up and attend.One of these two MOH's just told me yesterday that she couldn't come to the wedding because her cousin just announced that she was getting married the weekend after our wedding, and that she "couldn't afford" to fly to FL two weekends in a row, because she had to work in between the two weekends instead of just staying in FL for the week and attending both weddings.  She and her husband are among the most financially stable people I know, so it's not that she couldn't come up with an extra $200 to fly down for our wedding with over a year's notice and a STD card.  She didn't need to bring a gift or do anything fancy, just come!!She said her cousin was togging between dates in March and June.  I asked her if when her cousin was deciding on dates did she happen to mention that she was the MOH for a wedding in FL in March?  She said, no, I was waiting until she made her plans before I said anything to you.  WTF?Then she started trying to make jokes like it was no big deal and was like, maybe you could change your date? I said, your cousin is not changing her date and neither are we.  You've known that our wedding was in March since this March.She has been kind of a high maintenance friend over the last few years, but I have ALWAYS been there for her, when times were good for her and when times were awful.  The ONLY thing I asked her to do was come to my wedding and make something about me and my FI for once on one day out of the year.  Is it convenient to fly to FL two weekends in a row?  Of course not!  But I have done similar things for her, and it was so easy for her to tell me no because it was too inconvenient.  She acted like she was cancelling out of attending a dinner party rather than a wedding.I am so angry and hurt I can't even describe the feeling I feel.  I am going back to my hometown to visit this weekend and have plans to get together with my other MOH.  I don'teven know if she knows about this yet and i haven't decided how I am going to deal with it, if at all.Thanks for letting me vent.  :-(gg

YHFoxtrot

oh wow, I can only imagine.I don't see why she can't either stay in town and request that week off of work or spring for the flight to come down again.She's not just a guest in your wedding she's a MAID OF HONOR. She's known about it for a long time.I hate to say this but it sounds like the friendship is not as strong as it once was because if she was truly a friend she wouldn't miss it for the world.Granted, I'm not in her shoes nor do I know her financial situation but no matter what, you figure out a way to make it work.I'm so so so sorry hon. I think in the end though, if this is how she treats the friendship, then it's for the best that she not share the honor of being part of the bigggest day of your life.Hugs.

courtneybrooke921

I'm so sorry to hear. I can tell you seriously care about your friend. I hope this works out for the best - but just remember, your day will be perfect regardless of who is there. Knottie vibes xo

PinkShoesGal

I'm sorry to hear that a girl you considered to be such a good friend that you asked her to be one of your MOHs did this to you. I don't know her financial situation, of course, but I think it's pretty crappy that she's not even going to attempt to make it work. She has plenty of time to search the Internet like crazy for flight deals for the two weekends if she truly cannot take off the week of work in between. I have flown back to Ohio two weekends in a row just to be a guest at someone's wedding. Like I said, I don't know her specific situation but I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

JillianLL

I'm so sorry that she did that to you and then casually brushed it off. I cant imagine how hurt you are. Also, I do not know her financial sitch, but she still has 7 months to save up for air fare! Just know that if she doesn't think its important enough to be there for you, then you shouldnt want her as a maid of honor anyways. She doesnt deserve the Honor title and you are lucky to have another friend who does. I hope it all works out for you sweetie!

TtotheG

Well, I'm going to try and see this from both sides. In your case, boo on her. She's your MOH. It's pretty crappy that someone you feel you are so close to does this. Though, I have heard from many girls on here that you soon find out who is a true friend when it comes to weddings. Either way, crappy situation. On her side, it is her cousin and I could see maybe how she might feel torn. She should have mentioned your wedding to her cousin, however. It's only fair to you, herself and her cousin that she be upfront and honest about her financial situation and schedule. GL. It'll all work itself out.

glitrgrl25

Thanks Ladies, and you know, like you said, making it work is just it.  When she needed me to fly to Chicago last year when she was facing a personal tragedy, I was there.  It wasn't convenient, it wasn't cheap, but I made it work because she asked me to be there.  And I never mentioned to her that it wasn't convenient or cheap, all I said was, I will be there, and I was there.  You are all right too, that someone I considered to be one of my best friends obviously does not care about me enough to be inconvenienced two weekends in a row.  WHat a blow!  I can't believe I am finding this out now after 15 years of friendship.

glitrgrl25

Oh and BTW, they are debt free, own a modest but lovely home and frequently assist another friend financially who is struggling, so I don't buy that they can't afford it.  Ugh!

jennej24

I wish I had some advice for you but basically all you can do is tell her how important it is to you and if she still isn't going to be at your wedding, I agree with the other girls, she isn't that good of a friend.Knottie vibes that you have a nice visit back home and that everything works out.

ellynet

Would you be willing pay for her plane ticket?

TtotheG

So, do this...Say, 'oh, that's such a shame you cannot come,' and leave it at that. If she comes, she comes - if she doesn't, you know where her priorities lie.

glitrgrl25

No I am not willing to pay for her plane ticket because this is NOT a money issue.  It is about her being inconvenienced and not wanting to come to FL two weekends in a row.  If she can take vacations all summer long and assist other friends financially she can afford a ticket to Miami and to stay with her friend who lives there for free.  But she chose not to.  FI doesn't even want to even send her an invite now.

TtotheG

Don't be spitful, just be realistic. Tell her that you no longer need her as a MOH. Send her an invite and call it a day. The ball is in her court. What she chooses to do with it is her call. It's like reverse psychology. Just play like you don't give a rats behind. If she cares, she'll figure out a way.

muddilicious

Ugh, I am definitely feeling your pain. You have some good advice here, so I will offer this....on the positive side, you will not have to deal with managing another MOH and making sure she is happy.  I have seen so many brides stressed out over their high maintenance bridal parties. It should be the other way around, but it rarely is.  So, try and look on the bright side that you have one less person to have to coordinate.  

[Deleted User]

I am SO sorry you are going through this. It's a very difficult situation. I am one who believes in honesty, and I'm wondering if you've told her how hurt you feel. The reverse psychology may work, but if you've known this girl for 15 years then you should feel comfortable having a heart to heart with her. There's nothing wrong with telling her , "I think you are BS-ing me about not being able to afford the plane ticket. You are financially stable and you have time to find a cheap plane ticket. I know the timing of your cousin's wedding makes it a inconvenient for you, but you've already committed to being my maid of HONOR, and it is very thoughtless of you to pull out of what I consider an extremely big, important commitment. If you value my friendship you will find a way to be there." Can't you say that to her? Write it even? Tell her how you feel! Again my heart goes out to you and i wish you the best of luck.