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Florida-South Florida

My heart hurts =*(

I know some of you are in the same boat as me. The, I lost a parent boat. It's been 6 years today that my step-dad passed away. It was very sudden and tragic (he was struck by lightning on our driveway). The day constantly plays over in my head. I was very close with him. My sister was my best friend since pre-school and then our parents married when we were 7. So I knew him my whole life. I was as close to him as if he were my real dad. Now with the wedding coming up I find myself crying a lot more when I think about him. When my dad calls to talk about our first dance, I can't help but think that it was supposed to be shared with my step-dad, Barry. I was going to have both my dads walk me down the aisle. I think about how my kids will never meet this absolutely wonderful man. I hate the fact that they will only know him through stories. I can't believe it's been 6 years already. Growing up and having these wonderful events just makes it that much harder. I once confessed on our board, that I was worried I was going to start crying during my father/daughter dance, not because I was happy but because I was sad that he wasn't there. One of the reasons why I picked a song that meant nothing to the two of us. We were so much alike that I never felt like he was my step-dad. I could go on, but... my heart hurts. Thanks for letting me vent and get this off my chest. You girls always make me feel better.
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Re: My heart hurts =*(

  • zobo410zobo410 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh and Tess, I know you don't really talk with Marissa anymore, but don't mention anything on Facebook to her. Thanks! I know this day is rough on her as well, obviously.
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  • edited December 2011
    I am so sorry babe. I know how hard it can be. Although, i havent been through anything like this, i can only imagine. Just keep the positive memories going and thats what keeps him living in your heart. thinking of you.....
  • edited December 2011
    Oh Andra! I'm so sorry! I know today will be rough for you, but like Amy said; think of the fun times you shared with him. You're an awesome girl and I'm sure he'll be right next to you when you're walking down the aisle. Are you able to spend time with your mom today? That might make you feel better. Try to have a good day hun. We'll be thinking of you.
  • zobo410zobo410 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm actually at work until 3 then plan on heading home and sleeping. Nobody could fill in for me today sicky and all. Thanks for the thoughts ladies.
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  • rclnd83rclnd83 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    zobo.. you have me in tears (water works and boogies dripping). At this moment is so EMO (thanks to mother nature's gift to me). But..i cant say i understand your pain. But wish i was by your side to give you a hug. ** My Kind Words:** I know you're step father is watching over you. The angels are truly over you. I found this small quote. Also I will be praying for you today. On my way to church at 10. “Look down, you gods, and on this couple drop a blessed crown.”                                                William Shakespeare
  • edited December 2011
    Andra! I had no idea that he passed away. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it sounds cheesy, but time heals. He will be looking upon you on your wedding day with a smile. Why don't you have a memorial candle in his honor? We will be doing this for my cousin who passed away 13 years ago, and like you... I cannot believe that August 30th will be 13 years. He would've been 27. Your step-dad will always be in your heart, he's always around. He's always there for you. Remember that :) ((hugs))
    DX stage 4 endo 4/2005 Lap #2 7/2007 Lap #3 8/2009 uterus, tubes & cul-de-sec fused. partial bowel resection. LUPRON :( Surprise BFP 4/2010 Layla Grace 11/17/2010 Surprise BFP 12/2011 - stick baby stick! THE BLOG Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • tazdvl3tazdvl3 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry about the whole situation. I can't imagine how that must feel. Cherish the happy times.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm SOOOO sorry your going thru this =( But know that he's watching over you always and especially on that wonderful day. I can only imagine what that must feel like but try to keep yourself busy with positive things so you dont think about it too much. Know in your heart that he must be so happy that your getting married and starting this new chapter in your life =)
  • edited December 2011
    He will ALWAYS be with you Andra! He is always watching over you and loving you :)
  • erika1180erika1180 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    awww andra !! i got chills reading this ... im so sorry for your loss and believe me - my heart hurts for you. like everyone has already said he WILL be there on your big day =) i love the idea of the memorial candle and maybe if you are doing a program you can dedicate a page to him ... ** hugs **
  • ccrews16ccrews16 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh, Andra, My heart aches for you. How truly blessed you are, though to have had such a man in your life! You know he will be looking down on you on your day making sure to bring in sunshine and watching over your wedding day to make sure it's just perfect!
  • zobo410zobo410 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, there are a few ideas I have to honor him other than a candle. My favorite movie is Forrest Gump and he was the only one who appreciated the fact that I can recite the entire movie line by line. So I was planning on having the bridal party walk down to the Forrest Gump theme song (the feather part). Then he was a huge Beatles fan so maybe walk out to one of their songs. Also during the jewish ceremony you are supposed to use gold (no stones) rings to place on your right pointer finger. So my mom said we could use their wedding bands for that. I know he will be there with us, just want him there physically.
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  • edited December 2011
    Awww honey.... I am so sorry to hear of your heart ache. I am sorry you lost your stepfather. As everyone has stated he is going to be right by your side the whole time. You will feel his presence the whole day through and I think you have great ideas about honoring him through not only through the memory candle, but through music as well. I don't know or understand the whole story between your stepfather and your real father, but maybe you don't have to dance with your father? It sounds like that is going to be hard on you, especially since you are trying to find songs with no meaning to you. Are you doing this to not hurt your dad's feelings or because of tradition? Anyway, it's amazing how these important events play out and we all make it through the day with lots of love and laughter and good times... and there will, definitely be that moment when you smile and you'll realize that he is right there with you! HUGS!
  • edited December 2011
    ::holding back a tear:: Awwww... I am so emotional.... I swear...
  • zobo410zobo410 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh no, I get along great with my real dad. I just saw him on the weekends when I was younger and was with my step-dad during the week. So I just got closer to him. I want to do the father/daughter dance. My dad would be heartbroken if I didn't. I don't think he really ever understood the bond I had with my step-dad. Took him about a month to ask how I was handling the situation and not just ask how my sister's were (my step-dad's real daughters). I always said my dad was my financial dad, and my step-dad was my emotional dad. I thank FI for getting me back on the emotional level with my real dad.
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  • edited December 2011
    Andra my heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be and I don't have any wise words but I want you to know that you're in my thoughts and I'm sending you tons of hugs.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry that you are hurting so much. I know he is watching over you and walking next to you not only down the aisle, but every step you take in life. You had me in tears here at the desk. I can't relate to the loss of a father, but my grandfather also means as much,and if I hurt knowing he won't be there, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. Trust me when I say that I am sure your step-father would not want to see you cry tears of sadness on your wedding day, but instead tears of joy. Always keep the happy memories of him alive. You will be in my thoughts.
  • edited December 2011
    Andra,I'm so sorry for your loss! I seriously will call my dad after writing this. Just know that your step-dad loved you like crazy, and that he's never really left you. G-d obviously really need him upstairs. DH and I are huge Beatles fans (our whole ceremony had beatles instrumentals) and we talked about a couple songs you could do.DH suggested this one...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2d2llB4oIQBut I think if your stepdad had to pick one for you, he'd probably pick this....letting you know that your marrying a great man and that everything's going to be alrighthttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVyt7Wd9Bp4hope this helps and that you feel better soon!
  • zobo410zobo410 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Can't look at work =(, I saved them and will look when I get home. Thank you for your input. I got him a t-shirt in Israel that had the Beatles on it and was written in hebrew. I had that made into a pillowcase so, as corny as it sounds, snuggling with that sometimes makes me feel better.
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  • ayanapoohayanapooh member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh Andra, I'm so sorry for your loss! I know how you feel about your stepdad, b/c I'm very close to mine as well.  Maybe you can tie a small photo of him onto your bouquet so he's there in spirit with you as you walk down the aisle?
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  • citytoshore09citytoshore09 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh, honey, I am so sorry for your loss. He will be watching over you every day, and especially proud of you at your wedding day.
  • zobo410zobo410 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That sounds wonderful Ayana.
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  • babytecbabytec member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    oh Andra! so sorry! my heart goes out to you!
  • edited December 2011
    Oh Andra my boo, I am sooo sorry. My heart goes out to you, and just know that he will be there with you. Love ya honey and you need to talk call me
  • edited December 2011
    Andra what a tough time for you. My heart goes out to you and I am thinki g of you. I cant imagine the pain of losing a parent. giant knottie hug.
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  • edited December 2011
    Andra, I am so sorry, I know you will be strong about this. Don't hold back from venting, you should let it out when you can. I hope you keep focusing on the good memories, and those make you smile while you dance your first dance. In a way, he will be there with you: loved ones never really leave us. Be strong!
  • edited December 2011
    Andra, I'm so sorry to hear about this.My heart & thoughts go out to both you and your family today... and always. Don't worry - for your wedding, he will definitely be there in spirit and in your heart.
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  • edited December 2011
    zobo,I understand how you feel. My father past away 3 years ago. You will have both of them there. One in spirit and Your dad walking you down the aisle.I am not sure this will help you, but for my wedding day, I am giving everyone a yellow rose. This rose will have a tag. In loving memory of ( My Dad's Name)  (1936-2006)   I know you are walking beside me.   Love and miss you Daddy, ClaudiaAnd below this is how I came up with the idea1.My father's favorite color was Yellow and2.He always put red roses for his late mother.
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  • edited December 2011
    I feel super late to this but I hope you are feeling a bit better this evening. I cannot imagine what it is like to lose someone so suddenly and you have my sincerest sympaties. But, I am a firm believer that all our loved ones are with us on our best days and our worst. I am sure he'll be there with you. ******hugs*******
  • JillianLLJillianLL member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Heyyyy I know I'm super late. But I felt the need to comment as well. I am so sorry you're feeling this way, I know exactly how you feel. My mother passed away when I was 13 and this past year (May) has been 13 years SINCE she passed. It was the worst year so far, to think she has been gone as long as I had been alive with her. But I just wanted to say that your Step Dad will always be with you, watching over you, guiding you. He'll be with you on that day no matter what. Maybe not physically, but always in your heart and mind and as long as you have the wonderful memories of him, he'll always be there. Thinking of you <3
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