A vein on my temple is pulsating.

TheJennius

Since we decided to switch to The Breakers, the general agreement was that unnecessary +1's were not going to be included in our master list. If the guest had been dating their significant other for so long that it's almost common law marriage, the +1 was of course, granted. But the main guideline was:NO RING = NO INVITE.At ($$$) per head, I really don't fancy the idea to get introduced to cousin Vicky's new totally hot bf at my own wedding. Bridezilla? Stomp stomp stomp.Now. I got the scoop from FI that his brother had been talking and talking about bringing a date to the wedding. FI stopped him and told him our situation. FI and I had talked about it, and we decided (pardon the nerve of making the decision, it's our freaking wedding) that if FI's brother is steadily dating somebody by the time our invites are supposed to go out, he gets his +1.If not. NO.I get a call from momma in law today and in her master list (FI's side), she put FI's brother as "Pepito and guest" (that's not his name, but you get it).Pepito just came out of a troublesome relationship.It doesn't look good (though I wish him good!).What defines a steady relationship time-wise?A month? 2, 3, 6? A week?If he gets back with Pepita by the time my invitations are going out, well darn me, here's your +1. If he gets another girlfriend by the same time, here's your doggone +1. If he decides to ask somebody out two weeks before the invites are out ...I will swallow her mailbox./ vent.I'm sorry, I'm hormonal. Imma delete this tomorrow - possibility of lurkers. Of course I haven't said anything I haven't said to FI's family's face, but w/e.

YHFoxtrot

Makes sense. I think plus ones should only be extended to those in long term relationships (like at least a year) or maybe in the case where you know this person knows no one and would be totally out of place alone... but it's YOUR wedding and YOUR choice... so just wait til closer to b/c chances are this "flavor" won't even be in the picture.

RhiannonB

Vent away!  My FI and I are totally in the same position - if you are married or in a serious relationship (ring/living together), you won't be getting an invite to our shindig.  That's just the way it goes since we aren't made of money, LOL!I'm not sure if you were asking or venting, but to me a steady relationship is 6 months, maybe 4 months...Hopefully by the time you have to worry about invites, the situation will have resolved itself!

TheJennius

That's what I said!FI's sister's wedding was in 2006. FI's brother brought his then girlfriend. They broke up, nobody ever heard from her again. Because that's what happens with FI's brother's girlfriends, apparently.No judging, it's his life, he's a cool brother-in-law, but I am not looking forward to having someone at my wedding whose name I won't ever remember because I won't see her again after that night!My spidey senses tell me he might pull the whole "I'M DATING I'M IN LOVE THIS IS DA ONEEEE" a week before the invites are out. And if this happens, goodness help FI's family because I will pull the "MY SIDE IS PAYING FOR EVERYTHING" ordeal - I can play dirty too. / bridezilla.Man, I need to get on the pill. This mood swings + wedding planning will end in murder

RhiannonB

Well, if he says she's "the one", tell him you want to see a ring before she sees an invite! LOL

rclnd83

Makes perfect sense. Stay strong!

citytoshore09

Girl, stand up for yourself. You don't want him bringing his flavor of the week to your WEDDING, especially at $x per head. And as an old married lady? I effing HATE looking at my pictures and seeing these random people who I will never see again. My MOH(zilla) demanded she bring a date -- some guy she knew in college and hadn't seen in FIVE YEARS. Oh, and guess what? He won't speak to her anymore! Bleh.Stay strong.

ups783

Dude. Team Jen all the f'n way! Why would you want to pay (guestimating) $250+ for a stranger to enjoy your wedding day when I'm sure there's some 3rd cousin (who you actually know) who won't be invited due to list constraints?I had this issue big time, and had a bit of a meltdown when one of DH's family's random invites cancels at 9pm, the day before the wedding. I morphed into a fire breathing dragon and well, let's just say some people got burned.So, yeah...lol...please avoid eating anyone at your rehearsal dinner and settle this advance. Hope all goes well...Good luck!

aitirone

Im going through the same shiznit big time - big family drama. I just want my wedding to be here already lol

zobo410

We are saying, by the time invitations are ready to go, if they have been dating more than 6 months and they are family, then ok. I hate this situation too.

TheJennius

Rhi: LOL, I think I seriously will! This is getting a bit ridiculous.Gladys: Thanks, girl!Ursula: It just sucks that I have to tell my MOH "Sorry, but no" to her bf coming to the wedding, and I have to give a +1 to the groom's brother! I get it, it's family, but impartiality knows not of blood bonds. And who's going to get blamed for all this crap = THE BRIDE. By the way, I missed seeing you around Danielle: wtf? Demand is one of the things other people than the bride and groom should not not not do. Sorry you had to go through that, your experience just proves that crap like that does happen! Grgrgr, it irks me off. Amy: I think all guests of wedding need to read some damn Emily Post before saying anything. Good luck with your situation, I sure will need some with mine, lol.Andra: That's what I'm hoping, and if it doesn't happen and I'm PMSing at the time, I will make it happen

lilbit255

Don't give in Jen! We're going through the same thing right now...although not with friends...with FMIL and FSIL! We're on a tight budget, so we're pretty much following the same rules as you for invites. Stay strong...it'll all work out in the end!

SaraandBenjamin

Oh girl you always make le laugh! We had a similar situation and in the end I put my foot down and said to FI's side " Unless you want to pay for all these people, they're not coming". I am happy with my decision and FI's side has since calmed down and accepted the situation. Stay wrong girlfriend and stick to your guns. THIS IS YOUR DAMN WEDDING!!!!!!!

babytec

ughhhhhh i hate these situations...but you def. have to stay strong and put your foot down. Luckily you have some time...maybe by the time you have to send out invite, it won't even be an issue anymore! Good luck!

kristy1010

Stay strong! My FI and I have been having the same discussions. There are some guests we are willing to extend a +1 to (maybe one or two) but thats it. The rest can be eliminated. [IMG]<a href="http://tinyurl.com/losgsm" rel='nofollow'>http://tinyurl.com/losgsm</a>[/IMG] [url=http://<a href="http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers" rel='nofollow'>www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers</a>][img]<a href="http://global.theknot.com/tools/tickers/tt382ec.aspx" rel='nofollow'>http://global.theknot.com/tools/tickers/tt382ec.aspx</a>[/img][/url]

LilBit1018

Tell your fmil and fbil that they certainly wouldn't take someone out to dinner for $250 bucks if they just met them correct? They would be hitting up the local chilis, so if it's that important and she's the one, prove it with a ring on the finger or they can pay for her. When it gets down to it you can have uplighting instead of her!

pdiezghersy

HI there!I'm new to the whole world of wedding planning, so it's nice to see someone out there also has pulsating veins over the guest list. Here's a good rule I came up with if it helps, if they have not been together for 12 months they don't get a +1, if they MUST have it, then they can fork out the $$$ for the random person coming to my wedding. The way we see it, if we do it for one, we need to do it for EVERYONE!!!!...and we have 10 brothers and sisters...so it's not happening....Hope this helps!!!!

TheJennius

Thanks girls, for all of your advice! I am hoping things will get better as the wedding planning progresses, and by the time the invites are out, this won't be an issue.I am also hoping that I am not PMSing by the time I start getting RSVPs back.

Tiffayqp12

Ugh! I hate that this is happening to so many people. We are having the same problem but with my mom. She has a lot of siblings, but only 5 of them I know (the rest are halfs that I have never even met and my mother never really talked to.) Now, all of a sudden since she has reconnected with these "siblings" she thinks I have to invite them! I am refusing to do it and she is threatening to send her own invites. As the guest list turns....