stressing..what do u think?? HELP!! =(

atizon · August 2009

Ok. I am going to try to make this short...My wedding is a destination wedding and some of our close friends & family are going. We didn't want to spend to much money since we are saving for a house.Since not all our loved ones can go to a DI wedding, we decided to have a wedding shower co-ed so everyone can be part of it. We got a venue for the w-shower and I was planning on charging our guests $25.00 pp. This included of course the 3 course meal, dessert and open bar for 4 hours and also a DJ.I will be paying for the open bar, DJ, cake and decorations. So basically they will only be paying for the lunch.It's been a war...some family members say it's tacky to charge and some guest that are going to my DI wedding think it's not fair that they had to pay for the wedding DI trip and pay for the wedding shower & gift. Some friends don't mind to pay since they are not attending the DI wedding.Everyone that's going to the DI wedding I've asked not buy us anything that them going is a greater gift to us.What do u girls think about having to pay for a wedding shower?STRESSING!!!!!! gggrrrr!!!

atizon · August 2009

btw please be completly honest with me.. lol I rather here what u girls really think.

JillianLL · August 2009

To be completely honest, I do think its tacky to "host" a party for ppl and then ask them to pay their own way. I understand where you're coming from and I know everything adds up really quickly, but personally, I would not be receptive to an invitation with an admission fee. What about hosting it at yours or your parents house? Or making it a luncheon w/o alcohol? Or baking your own cake? I think there are ways to reduce costs so your guests dont have to pay for their own lunch. Just my opinion though.

jennej24 · August 2009

I don't like the idea of guests having to pay anything to go to a shower. Maybe you can get the price down to a number you can handle? Maybe do a brunch, then you don't have to do much liquor if any. Or maybe a BBQ at a park. Otherwise maybe don't call it a shower, maybe just do something after the wedding to share your pictures, then I think it might be ok to charge and not expect a gift, but even then I don't love the idea of guests paying to go to a party.

goldie3474 · August 2009

I would see if there is a venue that is more affordable where you can invite people and cover their costs 100%.

goldie3474 · August 2009

oh and by venue I meant for the shower

avee10 · August 2009

You asked for honesty so here goes:I find it completely tacky to charge people to attend a party you are inviting them to. Its like you want to throw a party but cant afford it so you are having the guests pay for it. I personally would not attend if I was invited to a shower that I had to pay for.If money is the issue consider scaling the event down a bit so that you can afford to pay for the whole thing instead of charging guests. Maybe a BBQ at someone's house?

YHFoxtrot · August 2009

I think it's a major no no to ask people to pay for anything wedding related outside of asking for them to cover expenses to get there and or for birdesmaid to cover those related expenses.I think you should find a way to do it where you can afford to pay for it!

TtotheG · August 2009

As every pp has mentioned, you can't invite someone to a party and expect them to pay for themselves. Hpwever, you may be able to assume they'll bring a cash gift (becareful in assuming this, though), which would help pay the bill at the end of the night. To be VERY responsbile and resonable, I'd cut a few things out. Do you really need a DJ? That is a huge cost. Keep the decorations at a bare minimum. How many guests are you inviting? Find a cheaper PP venue. A restaurant, perhaps? A lot of places will offer a set menu which can keep costs down. If you have an afternoon affair, you could even get away with a cash bar. Don't make your guests pay. They won't be happy guests.

TheJennius · August 2009

Honestly ...It's not only tacky, but rude.I don't think I will be having a huge affair for a rehearsal dinner. It might be a barbeque at my house, it might be a pasta dinner. Something very small. Would I like it to be at L'Escalier, with all my friends and exquisite cuisine? Yes. Can I afford it? No.I understand your economic position, as I'm sure everybody else does, but there are alternatives to charging guests. You don't want anybody sour-talking your wedding afte the day comes and goes. I wouldn't want to have people remember my wedding (or any wedding related event) as "that thing I had to pay for".Hopefully you can work something out. Do a potluck!

Kitty315 · August 2009

My honest opinion is if they don't want to pay.. don't go. Period. I've been to showers where I had to pay and if I wasn't so close to the couple, I didn't go. If I cared enough for a couple and wanted to take part in their wedding festivities, I paid and didn't think twice about it. The unwritten rule though is if you're hosting something (anything) it's understood that you are paying for it. GL! And don't worry about pleasing everyone.. someone will always find a reason to b!tch.

photonbug · August 2009

Yes it is really tacky. Scale back to what you can afford.

melissainabq · August 2009

It's wrong. Would you charge them for dinner if you had it at your house? I'd scale it back from the DJ/open bar/etc. and do something where you can cover their costs. Because you're making it four hours, it is sort of your reception more than a shower, and I can't imagine you'd charge them to attend your wedding.

CrystalAdrian · August 2009

Personally I would rather have a simpler shower and avoid charging people. Maybe even make it a potluck. Most showers that I've been to have charged $20-$30. It's common in the latin culture. So if it's common in your family, maybe you can get away with it. I've paid for my fair share of bridal and baby showers. Just do what you can.