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How to Handle This Situation (Kinda Long)

FMIL has been with her FI for 1 year now. FI told her before they got engaged a few months ago, that he didn't want her to bring her then BF b/c he just didn't feel right about it (his father passed about 3.5 years ago now). FMIL agreed and didn't say anything else about it. The other night at dinner, when we were telling her we booked our reception venue, she turns to her FI and says, see now you have to get a suit or a tux or whatever. FI and I didn't say anything as it was a holiday and we didn't want to ruin dinner, however, she's never even discussed with us the possibility of bringing him after they got engaged or anything. We don't want to tell her no, b/c she's finally excited about the wedding and wants to get involved, but FI still doesn't feel comfortable with her bringing him. Any advice? TIA!
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Re: How to Handle This Situation (Kinda Long)

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    edited December 2011
    I honestly have no idea advice because i have never been in a situation like this. I do understand where your FI is coming from but also - people move on and have to live their lives. Is this guy mean to your FI or anything? Or does he just not like the fact his mom is dating? I mean - i think it would be heartbreaking to tell her she cant bring him
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    JillianLLJillianLL member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What is it that makes your FI uncomfortable? I think he may need to bite the bullet and let his mother's FI come. He doesnt have to be a part of anything, but it would probably mean so much to his mother. My mom passed away several years ago and I wouldnt want my dad bringing some random chick, but if he was engaged to her, I wouldnt mind...as long as she knew her role.
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    Lacey36Lacey36 member
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    edited December 2011
    wow tough decision. I can relate a bit b/c my mom and dad are divorced and shortly after their divorce my dad met someone new, well things were fine with us until something happened and I hated her and wanted nothing to do with her and so forth. I was VERY stern about not wanting her at our wedding one b/c i dont like her and 2 no one else does. (story is very complex) anyhow my father would beat around the bush about telling me if he was coming to the wedding or not, and say i put him in a tough position b/c i didnt want her and its his g/f. well long story short, i decided to be the bigger person and say fine she can come, but the only people who will feel out of place would be her and possibly him. hopefully she doesnt show b/c she knows she is unwanted but if she comes then whatever. I dont know your situation and why your FI feels funny about this guy but being as its his mom's FI not just b/f any more then I kind of see it as if he really wants his mom there then just suck it up and invite her FI. I know its a tough thing to do, trust me on that but it will always work out and if he decides hes not going to go then he doesnt and it could be a plus for you two. HTH.
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    edited December 2011
    That's a tough situation for your FI, but with all respect, his mom and this person are now engaged.  You can't just not invite him despite what you all agreed on earlier, before they got engaged.Good luck!
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    edited December 2011
    What makes FI uncomfortable is that he's only ever seen this guy 4 times. FMIL started dating right after his father died, and he's old enough to know that people move on. His mother never seems happy when she's around him and she told us she doesn't really want to marry the guy, she just doesn't want to be alone. He feels bad for her, and just wants her to be happy, no matter what. He was just upset she never asked us about reconsidering inviting him (which we would have), and just assumed that everything would be fine. It's a tough situation all around.
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    cinthia122cinthia122 member
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    edited December 2011
    I think it ultimately comes to what you and your FI want on your wedding.  I am all about etiquette, but if someone is going to make your FI uncomfortable and make his mom not happy at the wedding then I would have your FI talk to his mom and let him know how he feels.
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    edited December 2011
    Crappy situation. Do what makes you guys happy. That's all it's about anyway :)
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    edited December 2011
    IMHO, he's your FMILs Fiance. I think Jilly said it best - they are engaged. As long as the guy isn't going to get drunk and break every rule on Lorena's list, it should be all good. Your FI may just need to be a little more understaning, ya know??
    DX stage 4 endo 4/2005 Lap #2 7/2007 Lap #3 8/2009 uterus, tubes & cul-de-sec fused. partial bowel resection. LUPRON :( Surprise BFP 4/2010 Layla Grace 11/17/2010 Surprise BFP 12/2011 - stick baby stick! THE BLOG Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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    edited December 2011
    This is a sucky and sticky situation but I think you guys should just let him go. FI's dad died 3 years ago and his mom deserves a chance to move on with her life. I think it's just better to bite the bullet than fight this one. It could get messy. 
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    edited December 2011
    I think he would be more understanding if he knew his mom was happy. I failed to mention that she herself said it was her and his father's day and she made a big deal about it to us. He says that the biggest thing is he wants her happy, he just wished she would have mentioned and discussed inviting him with us before telling him he could come.
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    Karamel99Karamel99 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree- they're engaged. It would be one thing if they were still bf/gf, but they're getting married. INO, I would have him talk to her about it, but not blow up on her about it. It's better to talk it out now than to not say anything and have tension at the wedding.
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    edited December 2011
    My FI is a very level headed guy. I've never seen him get angry about anything. He's going to talk to his mom this week and see what she says. There'll be tension if he comes b/c he doesn't get along with my parents or FI's sister, but I'm afraid his mom will feel left out or something if he doesn't come. For my part I just wish she had told us she wanted to invite him so I could have included him in our headcount when getting an estimate from our venue (it also makes me wonder if it had never come up again if she woulda just brought him). I support him in whatever he chooses, as it is his family. Thanks for all the advice.
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    Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is a non-issue.  FI's mom is now engaged, so her FI gets invited.  Automatically. Doesn't matter if FI's only seen him 4 times.  Doesn't matter if FI is still grieving his bio dad, 4 years after his death.  Doesn't matter if FI is miffed that his mom didn't ASK if her FI could be invited - why would she ask about this anyway.Doesn't matter that you would have liked to have added one more to the estimated count you gave to your venue when getting price quotations.Doesn't matter if FI doesn't think his mom's FI makes her happy.Just.doesn't.matter.
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    edited December 2011
    You should totally listen to the random girl who posted here. lol
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    JillianLLJillianLL member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    LMAO AMY!!!!
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    edited December 2011
    OH FOR EFF'S SAKE! Really? Here too?
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    edited December 2011
    Good Grief. I can't.... Alex, I dno't have any advice for you but I'm sorry this dumb girl is invading your thread!
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    edited December 2011
    Wow I just got home and saw that...that's just awesome. I'm glad it's such a non-issue. I'm glad you know my situation and know me and know the girls on this board. Wow.
    BabyFetus Ticker
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