Bridal Shower - TO charge or NOT to charge??

mgonzalez128

Hi ladies-
I'm writing on behalf of Michelle..
I'm her MOH and the BM's and I are planning her Bridal shower.
We have run into a little problem....

Her side of the family has always charged people for any type of baby shower
or bridal shower and her MIL is the only person who does not agree about charging people..

What do you ladies think? What would you do? Have you already had a Bridal shower or have you attended a bridal shower? Was it free? Did they pay?
Give us some suggestions please!

Thank you!
Melissa

Mademoiselle D

The bridal showers I have attended have never required guests to pay for their meal. The host(s) are the ones who provide everything for the shower from food to drinks. I'm assuming it you and your felllow bridesmaids who will be hosting (please correct me if I am wrong)?Where is her bridal shower being held? 

isazaj

I would never feel comfortable charging.

PriscyScraps

I have been invited to quite a few baby showers and bridal showers that I had to pay for. Honestly, I only went to the ones that I was personally close to. If I didn't go then the presents I gave to the honoree at a later time. And when I did go, the value of the gift was lowered because I had to pay. But that's just me Showers are not mandatory, it's just tradition

DorkyGirl17

I've only been to a handful of showers,but never had to pay.  It's always been either the MOB or BP paying for it all.  For mine, my BP paid for it and my mom covered the invites and favors. Like PP, I wouldn't feel comfortable charging people and I think there'd be less people that showed bc of that.

AMYM312

I have thrown mulitple showers and also been a guest at many showers and never ever have I heard of charging guests. As a "host" you should be properly host the guests. You should move this question to the etiquette board.

KatieBee23

I just had my bridal shower two weeks ago and it was amazing!!! My sister, MOH and Mom, BP and MOH's mom hosted everyone.  I'm from Atlanta so showers are huge back home and no one ever has to pay to attend.  It's usually hosted by the BP and they all chip in and share expense.  It was not until I moved to South Florida that someone invited me to a restaurant for a shower and we all had to pay for the set menu...I see how it works but it was odd to me.  I've been to other showers here and they were hosted by the family or BP and we did not pay.  Obviously it's your choice but I personally don't think you should charge guests...it means less presents..lol (not that it's about presents but you know what I mean!)  Good Luck!!

bananapants628

I've been to a couple of bridal showers where I had to pay. I didn't really mind, because they were my close friends, but like a PP said, their gift was of lower value. 

I always found it kind of weird, though, to throw a party and then have guests pay to attend.

missv19732000

I've never, ever heard of paying to be a guest at a bridal or a baby shower.  I have to be honest...I don't think I'd go to one where I had to pay.  Sorry...usually, you bring yourself, a card and a gift.  If it's a pot luck, then you bring a dish to share.  I thought whoever hosted (and in some cases, the actual guest of honor contributes) pays for everything.  If I couldn't pay (as a host or the guest of honor) I wouldn't have one.

Renaect

I've heard of that practice, but would never participate or enforce it. It's very inappropriate to invite guests to a party (that they had no say in planning) and charge them for their attendance.  Who ever is hosting the party bears the burden of the costs. If the costs are unmanageable, then guess what? Plan a party within your means. 

STBMrsDio

I've been to a lot of showers, and both kinds. Obivously the ones where I had to pay were much nicer (ie better restaurant, food, drinks, etc). As a guest, I wouldn't care either way, I'm always honored to have been invited. Ultimately, it's your day and you can do whatever you like. Some people are absolutely insulted by the idea of paying for a meal at a party, but it's very typical at Hispanic showers and some of us don't mind. It's never effected my gift or my attendance at an event. Honestly, sometimes it's better because the people who were showing up for the free meal won't go. And you boviously don't charge for the whole plate, it's a portion to ease the cost of the event. My Mother anf FMIL paid for mine and my guests were lkucky enough not to have to pay. I personally would have preferred it because I hate the idea of people showing up to things for a free meal but it's honestly your choice.

And NEVER post on the etiquette board, unless you want to be told how tacky and rude you are, and then have your post dissected for spelling and grammar errors. We're much nicer here

Renaect

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_bridal-shower-to-charge-or-not-to-charge?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:23984ef4-6fc2-4f96-909d-e74f00b3dee3Post:a21fad9f-2cc8-47fd-88fb-f99b0c786dfa">Re: Bridal Shower - TO charge or NOT to charge??</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been to a lot of showers, and both kinds. Obivously the ones where I had to pay were much nicer (ie better restaurant, food, drinks, etc). As a guest, I wouldn't care either way, I'm always honored to have been invited. Ultimately, it's your day and you can do whatever you like. Some people are absolutely insulted by the idea of paying for a meal at a party, but it's very typical at Hispanic showers and some of us don't mind. It's never effected my gift or my attendance at an event. Honestly, sometimes it's better because the people who were showing up for the free meal won't go. And you boviously don't charge for the whole plate, it's a portion to ease the cost of the event. My Mother anf FMIL paid for mine and my guests were lkucky enough not to have to pay. I personally would have preferred it because I hate the idea of people showing up to things for a free meal but it's honestly your choice. And NEVER post on the etiquette board, unless you want to be told how tacky and rude you are, and then have your post dissected for spelling and grammar errors. We're much nicer here :)
Posted by STBMrsDio[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Shocket at "And NEVER post on the etiquette board, unless you want to be told how tacky and rude you are, and then have your post dissected for spelling and grammar errors. We're much nicer here :)"</div><div>
</div><div>Dang....it's like that! Thanks for the forewarning!</div><div>
</div>

STBMrsDio

Yeah, I used to be a serious lurker. You should go see some of the cat fights. I won't post anywhere but here. Some women are crazy lol

Mademoiselle D

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_bridal-shower-to-charge-or-not-to-charge?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:23984ef4-6fc2-4f96-909d-e74f00b3dee3Post:876d3ecf-2927-410b-928a-9f5944a869b4">Re: Bridal Shower - TO charge or NOT to charge??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower - TO charge or NOT to charge?? : Shocket at "And NEVER post on the etiquette board, unless you want to be told how tacky and rude you are, and then have your post dissected for spelling and grammar errors. We're much nicer here :)" Dang....it's like that! Thanks for the forewarning!
Posted by Renaect[/QUOTE]
Yes, whatever you do....DO NOT post on that board. They will chew up and spit you out. They can be harsh...

I'll piggyback on what Nikki said and just post here all your etiquette questions.

missv19732000

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_bridal-shower-to-charge-or-not-to-charge?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:67Discussion:23984ef4-6fc2-4f96-909d-e74f00b3dee3Post:8af7290b-accd-4a61-a7dc-387f9c912d25">Re: Bridal Shower - TO charge or NOT to charge??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower - TO charge or NOT to charge?? : Yes, whatever you do....DO NOT post on that board. They will chew up and spit you out. They can be harsh... I'll piggyback on what Nikki said and just post here all your etiquette questions.
Posted by Mademoiselle D[/QUOTE]

So glad I'm not the only one who feels this way about the etiquette board.  I don't like any of the other boards except this one because of all the "cat fights" - it's wild!

LaMaFa

FI Wants to know if you're Cuban. He says it's really common in his family to do this. I've never heard of it. He thinks you should try to figure out who's actually invited. If the majority are of another culture and have never heard to the custom it might be best just to swallow the cost to avoid offending anyone. If you're doing to collect money for the bride (again I've never heard of that but he has) he thinks you could maybe get away with passing a boot or something similar and masking it as a game. In the shower invites include a note "Remember to bring bills for our "Pin the Bill to the Groom" "I don't know if that's silly or cute.

And stay away from the etiquette board. I think they just want to start fights and I don't feel like they take into account other's cultures or special circumstances. 

mgonzalez128

WOW Thanks for all of the feedback ladies.
I'm glad I did not post this in the ettiquette board!

@LaFaMa - Yes the entire family is Cuban so everyone is used to paying to go to any type of shower, whether it's a bridal or baby shower. The entire family is in agreeance except for her FMIL. So the final result is that her FI spoke to his Mom and she agreed to just pay for her side of the family. Very HAPPY to say that we worked on the invites all last night (had to make two different types) and they have all been sent out!!! CANNOT WAIT!

Thank you for the suggestions ladies, this topic can be very touchy but in all it depends on the culture and way of doing things.  Glad it all worked out.

Mademoiselle D

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_bridal-shower-to-charge-or-not-to-charge?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:23984ef4-6fc2-4f96-909d-e74f00b3dee3Post:151e8e35-c40a-44ef-afd4-ad09831efe4b">Re: Bridal Shower - TO charge or NOT to charge??</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW Thanks for all of the feedback ladies. I'm glad I did not post this in the ettiquette board! ;) @LaFaMa - Yes the entire family is Cuban so everyone is used to paying to go to any type of shower, whether it's a bridal or baby shower. The entire family is in agreeance except for her FMIL. So the final result is that her FI spoke to his Mom and she agreed to just pay for her side of the family. Very HAPPY to say that we worked on the invites all last night (had to make two different types) and they have all been sent out!!! CANNOT WAIT! Thank you for the suggestions ladies, this topic can be very touchy but in all it depends on the culture and way of doing things.  Glad it all worked out.
Posted by mgonzalez128[/QUOTE]

<div>Very happy to hear it worked out for you and everyone else! I do agree with you...these types of topics can be touchy and some people just give you their personal opinion or tell you the standards of etiquette rules without taking into consideration other important factors such as culture. I do my best to stay out of the Etiquette board and if I have any questions regarding this area I ask my planners or I simply ask here. I remember the only question I have asked here regarding etiquette is if it's okay to put the registry info in the invites. Got mostly no's and a few yes' but I wanted to know because to all the weddings I have been to the couple are of Hispanic background and they have always included them so to me I thought it was the norm, lol. </div>