advice on how to handle the dreaded plus one....

nicole1087

So ladies I got that first dreaded response card where the guest so kindly adds there dates name. I am unsure exactly wut to say because originally when I set my list there were not engaged or even that serious. I am already over my number of people as it is.. this person is getting married soon also but I only addressed the invite to her...and I have a feeling her mom might try to add her boyfriend as well...I dnt know what to do...wait and see my final count, allow him to come, or tell her he can't...advice plz ladies

deelopi9

I'm so sorry this is happening to you - if you are close with your friend, explain the situation to her and tell her under normal circumstances you would love for both of them to share in your day but that the venue can only hold so many people and you are at capacity.

Pamela718

What I would do is - speak to the guest and let them know that you have a specific number of guests that can attend the wedding. If you're ok with her bringing the guest - I would let her know that you are waiting to hear back from some people and if you have enough "declined" RSVP's then you will let her know that she can bring her boyfriend. If you're not ok with her bringing her guest, then call her and apologize for any confusion. Let her know that with the wedding budget in mind, you can not afford her to bring a plus one. Hope that she understands and can still attend but you understand if she doesn't want to.

Thats all you can do and handle the mom the same way if she decides to write in a plus one as well.

plswitze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_advice-on-how-to-handle-the-dreaded-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:4e2f2147-df12-4cda-94ef-feda09569b47Post:512d33a3-e3d9-4f50-bcc6-2c1805f55ffd">Re: advice on how to handle the dreaded plus one....</a>:
[QUOTE]What I would do is - speak to the guest and let them know that you have a specific number of guests that can attend the wedding. If you're ok with her bringing the guest - I would let her know that you are waiting to hear back from some people and if you have enough "declined" RSVP's then you will let her know that she can bring her boyfriend. If you're not ok with her bringing her guest, then call her and apologize for any confusion. Let her know that with the wedding budget in mind, you can not afford her to bring a plus one. 
Posted by Pamela718[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>THIS. I ended up having TONS more declines than we expected. So some of our friends were told that if they didn't mind waiting, we'd love to have their +1, we just had limited space. Everyone was totally understanding. :)</div>

FaithCaitlin

What Pam said!

It's best just to be honest and upfront about it.

Sorry you're in this mess!

PhiSigFly

Definitely agree with pp about letting her know that you just need to wait a little bit and see how the RSVPs come.

However... If you believe that you're going to have the space, I might just let THIS one slide. They're engaged... I'm engaged, we're all engaged, and understand about budgets and all that good stuff, but I'd be a little offended if FI was invited to a wedding and I wasn't, or vice versa. While it's annoying for anyone to assume they have a +1, it's kinda understandable when it's an engaged couple.

If her mother tries to add a boyfriend, you can stop that by saying you only accounted for couples who are married or engaged.

munecca

What Pam said is excately what I did..... I had those that didnt feel like waiting until all the other response were in... Then I knew, they REALLY were my friend if they couldnt wait 2 weeks for all the responses........

Cant win them all.... Let it roll off your back- you may not get responses you like....

quiggels219

I would usually recommend calling them, but they are engaged.  I think it is pretty bad etiquitte not not invite someones fiance, they are a social unit.  That is just me.  Anyone else who does this I would give them a call if you think it is necessary. 

Meggis

I agree, honesty is def. your best shot.  If she is a real friend, she will understand.  

Just as an aside, I researched this just recently because  I have a few friends, who I adore, but they don't have relationships that ever last very long.  I don't want to have to invite their "temporary" relationships to my wedding.  What I found was that if someone was in a serious committed relationship when your invites go out, then they get a plus one.  Serious, committed, was 6 mo. plus, living together, engaged, etc.  Def. not couples in the first few months.  If they have just started dating, no plus one.  If they are in the bridal party then they get a plus one regardless of relationship status.  Obviously, you need to do what suits your wedding, but I think this is a good guide.  Those few friends of mine that are not getting a plus one, I plan on talking to about it before the invites go out.