Another MIL Post :/

mpotl001

I kind of feel bad that I keep posting on theknot when I should be posting on thenest, but those ladies aren't as helpful! I need some advice! Again!

As most of you know, I have my fair share of issues with my MIL. She always did things that she knew made me feel uncomfortable, then played the victim when I expressed my concern. So my husband, then fiance, always took her side because she claimed I was being insensitive to her needs and made me look like the bad guy. And now that we are married this is continuing.

She told my husband that she wants us to go to her church tonight, and then to dinner afterwards. I have no problem with the dinner. However, her church is only in Spanish, and I do not speak Spanish, so it makes me a little uncomfortable to have to sit there for 2 hours and not understand a single word. We've even had talks about this before at family gatherings when nobody speaks to me because I don't speak Spanish, so I get ignored. I expressed my concern to my husband, and he thinks I'm being insensitive to her 'needs.'

How do I deal with this? I feel like yelling at her and telling her to cut the cord and never go anywhere his family is again, and at the same time, I feel like yelling at my husband because I feel like I am constantly being taken as the bad guy because he always sides with her.

STBMrsDio

Your only option is to play the extra nice guy. I say go, sit through the service and the whole time be asking her what they're saying. This way she gets annoyed and has to deal with you while you still look good. Sit next to her and just keep making her translate. But I def think you should go because she's putting you in a position where you look bad. Kill her with kindness, that why the rest of the family sees you trying.

Mademoiselle D

Don't feel bad about coming to TK and asking for advice, we are here for you!

Personally, I don't have any experience with your situation but I can share with you my SIL's experience with my family. SIL is half Puerto Rican and half caucasian (didn't speak Spanish at all). My family is from Central America and their English is not the best, lol. Anyways, she barely spoke to anyone during family gatherings because almost everyone spoke Spanish but my family always tried their best to make her feel comfortable and those who spoke English would converse with her s much as they could. Eventually, she decided it would be easier for her to try to talk some Spanish even if it was just a little and she did. She didn't take classes, she learned by hearing us and from us teaching her. In return, my parents and family try to talk to her in both English and Spanish as much as possible. Her willingness to learn Spanish helped bring down the barrier she faced and she has been able to fortify her relationship with my family and vice versa.

Have you considered trying to learn your husband's native language? It wouldn't be a bad idea and it will probably be easier for you to feel part of gatherings and maybe, you and your MIL's relationship can improve. You may feel like she should do the same but in reality, she may not but you may have to be the bigger person in this situation. I am sure you do not want to continue having these problems anymore which can ultimately cause strain in your marriage.

Would it be messed up to tell your hubby what you want to tell him? In my personal, honest opinion, yes it would be. I wouldn't want my husband to tell me that because then it forces me to choose between two people I care for and it must suck to be in that position. It will just be bad at the end for everyone and especially since you just started living your lives as a married couple. I don't think you are the bad person in this situation either....you just feel excluded and prior issues with your MIL do not help the situation either. Talk to your FI and tell him how you feel about the language barrier and ask him for his honest advice. 

mpotl001

Thanks for the help ladies.

I have tried to learn Spanish. We've been together almost 3 years and I always try to learn something whenever I'm around them and I am not a language person. I just can't get it. I even went so far as to take a basic Spanish class in college, but it did not help anything, except almost make me fail the class lol The thing is that they know English, really well. They just WON'T speak it to me. I've brought up my concerns with my husband, but he stands by his mom. I feel helpless...

Mademoiselle D

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_another-mil-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:5890dd33-a0a3-4b44-b98e-f211fe59301cPost:49a64d15-3e1d-43f2-830f-d05ae53245be">Re: Another MIL Post :/</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the help ladies. I have tried to learn Spanish. We've been together almost 3 years and I always try to learn something whenever I'm around them and I am not a language person. I just can't get it. I even went so far as to take a basic Spanish class in college, but it did not help anything, except almost make me fail the class lol The thing is that they know English, really well. They just WON'T speak it to me. I've brought up my concerns with my husband, but he stands by his mom. I feel helpless...
Posted by mpotl001[/QUOTE]

Learning another language isn't easy so kudos to you for trying your very hardest! :) Now, if they know English and very well at that but they chose not to speak to you then that is a grave problem. I was under the impression they didn't know. I wonder what reasons they have against you to not want to speak to you when they very well can. Unless, your MIL had something to do with it (maybe she said something to her family members). If that's the case, then damn.....that's pretty messed up and awful of her.

I am sorry your FI sides with his mom but he should be understandable of you. I am pretty sure he would be upset if he were in your shoes, raise his concerns to you, and want your support. The only other suggestion I can think of (which I am assuming you probably have already tried) is you trying to initiate some dialouge with the most willing person in that family and build a relationship with the person. It may bring down their wall towards you.

I feel so terrible for you, hugs!