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Bridezilla moment/Vent about FI's family

I think I had a bridezilla moment this weekend. I’d love your opinions ladies! (Oh and this is also a vent against my FI’s family too, sorry!)

 

My FI has 3 younger siblings (19-22). All of them have tattoos, though my FI only has one small one and his siblings all have large and/or multiple tattoos. (I don't have any and I don’t have anything against them.)

 

A bit of back story on my FI’s family before I go on: There's no nice way of saying it, 90% of my FI's family is white trailer trash. (His Mom and his Aunt are the only exceptions to this.) My FI grew up in a worn down trailer on a dirt road, a mile off from the nearest paved road, which is in the middle of no where. He's the most ambitious of his immediate family (he graduated high school, went to college and got a bachelor’s degree and a professional degree). So when I think of what he came from I'm so proud of him for accomplishing so much. 

 

Anyway, his 22 year old sister has several tattoos; her most recent was a giant CHEST TATTOO that says "Texas" with stars and flowers. (She was raised in Michigan and moved to Texas after high school, she’s lived in Texas for 3 years. Yeah… )  There’s a good chance she won’t make it to the wedding so as upset as I am about that for my FI I also thought well maybe I’ll luck out picture wise then.

 

Meanwhile, his 19 year old sister keeps getting offered free tattoos and already has a bunch of pointless and stupid tattoos I regret for her! She posted on facebook over the weekend that she got lyrics tattooed under her arm from her armpit to her elbow. (It doesn’t look good. Maybe after it heals it’ll look a bit better?) I started to freak out at the thought of her getting more visible tattoos before the wedding. And our wedding pictures being tarnished a bit with his siblings standing out against everyone else with their tattoos being shown off.

 

I know that sounds horrible but I’m trying for an elegant wedding on our shoe string budget and this does not help me accomplish that. I’m already afraid of what his Dad, Step-Mom, and his 19 year old sister (the one that got the lyrics over the weekend) will wear to the wedding. We’ve had to tell them no jeans, no shorts, and no flip flops. I even offered to give them money to get nicer dresses from Marshalls if that’d help. (They said no, not needed.) I’ve only been with them to a few special occasions (holidays, his sister’s high school graduation, my FI’s college graduation) and they wore crummy clothes (old faded and torn jean shorts, flip flops, t-shirts, etc). So the thought of them wearing god knows what and then his sisters having tattoos all over the place, you can sort of get the same mental picture I did:  NOT CLASSY!

 

I told my FI about my concerns and he was supportive. He then commented on his sister’s facebook picture of her new tattoo and tried to jokingly say don’t get any more before the wedding. Well his comment made me look like a bridezilla since he ended it with “bosses orders” and I came off looking like a bad person. I tried correcting it with another comment and that just made it worse. He had to call and have an entire conversation with them explaining it all, and again had to say no flip flops or pool like sandals.  So I feel like I've come off as a Bridezilla to my FI's family. Ugh!

Re: Bridezilla moment/Vent about FI's family

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    edited December 2011
    First off, let me start by saying that i am a pretty laid back person. Having health problems puts things in perspective. With that said i will say this, You Have Every Right To Go Crazy On Their A$$es... The fact that you said numerous times to not wear jeans or shorts or a combo makes me cringe. I thout arguing with my sister about wearing chucks under her dress was obnoxious but now i would let her. If i were you i wouldnt care who saw me as what. Its your day and you want it to be perfect, and trash doesnt have a right to ruin your day. (sorry harsh but im angry for you)
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    Krysta6Krysta6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly I totally feel for you. But I don't feel like you have any control over anyone's body and I think by saying something you may have just lit a fire under her ass to get more. I think the only sneaky thing you could do to try and save your pictures is maybe buying them pashmina's as a present? It may cover arms/shoulder tattoos. 

    But remember they won't be in ALL of your pictures. 
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the support ladies! And thank you for the idea Krista, I really like it! I'm totally going to gift my future SILs with pashminas! And if they happen to cover tattoos while being used....

    Luckily my FI's younger sister would honor any reasonable request I'd ask, like wearing a sweater even if she weren't happy about it. Now his other sister would just do the opposite of whatever I'd say. At least I know that and don't get myself in to trouble!
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    ALIG0107ALIG0107 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow... I honestly don't think that was a Bridezilla Moment at all. I would be on FIRE as well. I am actually speechless with the fact that you have to say NO Shorts, jeans or Flip flops to them.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    The ILs won't ruin your pictures with their tattoos! Just think about when you go to your friends' houses and they have pictures of their weddings hanging on the walls - the pictures are never of the families! The pictures are of the couple. Those are the important pictures.

    My sister doesn't shave and often doesn't wear a bra. She's an artsy girl who lives in Portland. That's who she is. Will I ask her to shave for my wedding? No. Is there a possibility that her armpit hair may show up in my wedding photos? Yes. Oh well. It's her body and she can do whatever she wants with it. She's my sister - hair and all. I think it might be important for your FI to communicate to his sisters that he loves them, and they're his sisters, tattoos and all. I'd be worried that they felt unwanted or unloved because of the fb stuff. Just a thought.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_bridezilla-momentvent-fis-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:9dd3e5fe-341b-4b65-8640-579b13f268d8Post:04b36beb-acbf-4613-9b2c-3b0b63234488">Re: Bridezilla moment/Vent about FI's family</a>:
    [QUOTE] I think it might be important for your FI to communicate to his sisters that he loves them, and they're his sisters, tattoos and all. I'd be worried that they felt unwanted or unloved because of the fb stuff. Just a thought.
    Posted by dewreb[/QUOTE]
    Thanks for the thought! In my effort to cut down my original post as much as possible, I neglected to mention that my FI does not care AT ALL about any of this. He's supportive of me and my concerns. But supports his siblings/family, and thinks that it's their lives and their bodies and his opinion doesn't matter. Every time one of his siblings gets another tattoo and I tell him, "Oh no years from now they'll really regret that" he tells me not to worry about it. FI also thinks they'll never regret any of their tattooos. So we kind of think opposite of each other on this. FI is nothing but supportive of his family. I usually am too (I am a social worker after all) but 4 years later I'm still trying to get used to the dynamics of his family since they're about the opposite of mine. 
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    DawnPedersenDawnPedersen member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What you are asking for does not sound unreasonable or bridezilla-ish at all. I want the same for my wedding as well. My mother has a friend with similiar problems: trailor trash, tattoos, smokes constantly, drinks like a sailor, etc... My mother wants to invite her because shes a "good person with a good heart" and shes known her for a long time. But I refused. Maybe suggest that for photo purposes she use tattoo makeup to cover up any visible tattoos or suggest a dress with sleeves or a cover up? Its your wedding, your day, its all about you. Dont let anything or anyone ruin it. 
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    cmp1986cmp1986 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the girls! You have EVERY right to want a beautiful wedding. Sadly, you didn't get the most classiest people to work with. I'd say stick to your guns and don't worry about what these people may or may not think about you. It's yours and FI's day, no one else's. So try to sit them all down and really get the point across that there is to be NO jeans, flip flops or shorts. I'd just do this one more last time. Sadly, you can't force them to wear dressy clothes. But like the girls said, they won't be in that many pics. Just have your photog avoid them as much as possible. Plus on the tattoos: if you have a great pic that you just love, but it's being ruined by his families tats. See if your photog can photoshop them out. Good luck honey!
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