Father recently passed away

icuqt7

I was originally supposed to get married on October 1, 2011. I had to have a surgery and ended up pushing the wedding back until December 1, 2012. Thank God. My father suddenly at the age of 59 passed away on September 27, 2011.  I am just so lost right now on how to handle everything. What do you do without a father to walk you down the aisle or no one to do the father daughter dance with? Anyone ahve any ideas on things I can do to remember him but at the same time not make me cry all day... which we all know is gong to happen regardless. Any insight will help!

tgluvsmt

Sorry about ur loss.... I'm in the same boat too... I lost my dad 3 yrs ago... It's very hard to face such a huge event in ur life without him, but know he will be with u on that day! There r plenty of ways to honor him, such as a memorial piece in ur programs, or a special candle lit with his picture... Hope that helps!

derrilyn

I'm so sorry for your loss.  My dad passed away unexpectedly in 2004 (he was only 48).  I'm having my mom walk me down the aisle, I'm Jewish and in Jewish weddings traditionally both parents walk you down.  I'm getting married next June and I'm still not totally sure what we're going to do for the dances, I want to just do the first dance but my FI wants to dance with his mom, but she doesn't want to lol.  I don't have anyone to dance with, my mom is dating someone now but I'm not that close to him and he wouldn't want to be in the spotlight anyways.  And my FI's dad passed away about a year after my dad, also unexpectedly.  I am thinking about doing something like all the immediate family get up and dance, like all our siblings and their s/o's and my FI can dance with his mom (and maybe she'll be ok with it with other people up there), and I might just dance with my niece who will be 2.  I'm not sure what we're going to do, but we'll figure it out.  Other things you can do are show a video highlighting his life at the reception or rehearsal dinner, or do something like light candles for all the people you miss.  You have time to figure it out.  I've been there, it's really hard to lose a parent and even harder to think about your wedding day without them.  Hang in there, it will get easier.  I still miss my dad every day and it's still hard but it does get better.

Kelli7025

I am not sure where I saw the picture, but I thought it was the sweetest thing i had ever seen in a wedding ceremony. The bride had lost her father and since she was having an outdoor ceremony, during the ceremony she wrote "I miss you daddy" on a balloon and let go of it to float up to heaven. It makes me tear up even thinking about the picture ! I think that is a great way to honor someone and to let them know you are thinking about them

I hope you all find something to help comfort you on your wedding day, and just remember, they are with you no matter what

vaughan.td

I am getting married next August and my dad passed away 10 years ago so I'm going through the same balance of honoring and remembering him without being an emotional mess all day. We are going to have a memorial vase of flowers near the altar during the ceremony and will put a note in the program that it is to remember people who are not with us. I'll also add a note naming my father. The vase will then get moved to the reception, maybe with a note mentioning again what it is for. 

My FI and his mom will have a dance and I am contemplating having a dance with my mom or just not doing one for me at all. I have heard of many brides dancing with their moms and there are a few songs that are really good for this. I thought about playing a slide show of my dad during the time I would do a father/daughter dance, but as much as I want to honor him I also want the night to be more about a celebration and I think that may upset me too much.

I am also going to try and find something of his that I can carry with my bouquet, like a part of a tie or his rosary.

Ljacks87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cleveland_father-recently-passed-away?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:110Discussion:8ba72637-13e5-441e-997a-852fc26b7509Post:0c49ba23-5797-4941-bfcc-a842bdf2f551">Re: Father recently passed away</a>:
[QUOTE]I am getting married next August and my dad passed away 10 years ago so I'm going through the same balance of honoring and remembering him without being an emotional mess all day. We are going to have a memorial vase of flowers near the altar during the ceremony and will put a note in the program that it is to remember people who are not with us. I'll also add a note naming my father. The vase will then get moved to the reception, maybe with a note mentioning again what it is for.  My FI and his mom will have a dance and I am contemplating having a dance with my mom or just not doing one for me at all. I have heard of many brides dancing with their moms and there are a few songs that are really good for this.<strong> I thought about playing a slide show of my dad during the time I would do a father/daughter dance, but as much as I want to honor him I also want the night to be more about a celebration and I think that may upset me too much. </strong>I am also going to try and find something of his that I can carry with my bouquet, like a part of a tie or his rosary.
Posted by vaughan.td@gmail.com[/QUOTE]

First off, I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you're finding plenty of comfort in your FI and the rest of you family.

As for the bolded part above, I agree that you should not do a slide show. It is nice to remember your father on your wedding day and acknowledge that he's looking down upon you, but not dwell on the tragedy.

If I were you, I would write a special section in the program, and have the pastor have a moment of silence or something during the ceremony for your father. You can also put a flower on the seat where he would've sat, acknowledging that he's with you in spirit.

For the reception, no one can take the place of your Dad, so I would skip the "F/D" dance. If your FI and his mom want to have a dance together, that's fine, and then maybe your FI's Dad can step in and dance with you. If your FI and his mom are indifferent about it, consider doing an anniversary dance, instead. IMO, a F/D dance should be done out of both sentiment AND tradition and it's not required.

Schmoo2011

I know how you feel. My dad passed at age of 57 exactly three months before my wedding date. My dh's father is also passed on, so we took a photo of each of them and put it on a table with the boutonnières in front of them. No one will take the place of my dad, so we skipped the father daughter dance. Also, I decided to walk myself down the aisle, but you could have your mom do it for you or a brother, if you hav one.

fruitnroo12

Consider wearing a simple locket with your dad's picture inside of it, so that he'll be close to your heart all day.  You could maybe ask a grandfather, uncle, brother, or close male friend to walk you down aisle.  Or, perhaps this could be an opportunity for your new father-in-law to feel closer to you and walk you down the aisle.