California-Los Angeles

How To Deal - Vent!!

FI and I flew to Colorado (where I was born and raised) 2 weeks ago for my Uncles wedding and received an astonishing amount of negativity towards the fact that we aren't having our wedding in CO (and why would we)!

I shouldn't feel obligated to get married there just because it's where I was born and raised.  All this has me in a major funk!

How do I address family members who have such negativity towards our decision to get married in CA (where we live and where we plan to raise a family)? Especially, when one of them is your Gramma!?

I'm a grudge holder.  It's my flaw and sometimes I just can't push passed it.  And now part of me just wants to axe my family from the guest list (with a few exceptions) since they're finding it so hard to be supportive.
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Re: How To Deal - Vent!!

  • edited December 2011
    Wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's too bad they're putting pressure on you, when nowadays couples have their weddings wherever!!

    I really wouldn't axe them from the guest list, though. Yes, they are totally out of line. But that will just make you even more upset in the end because even more negativity will be generated.

    I would try your best to focus on the people who aren't negative, who are really supportive and awesome. If your family keeps bugging you about it, just say, "It was a tough choice, but CA is definitely the best place for us. I think you'll love it!"

    Good luck!
  • RoMy215RoMy215 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I found that the minute I announced I was engaged, EVERYONE I'd ever said hello too had advice/suggestions and wanted to know all of the details. It irritated me to no end. After being married for a little while (a whopping 10 months), I've had the chance to gain some perspective. People always want to tell you how to plan your wedding. There were several times during my planning process I asked myself why I wanted a wedding so badly and why we didn't just elope. =)
    Another option, is to tell them that you really want your wedding to be in the place you BOTH make your home together, not just where YOU grew up; but that you will have a reception for those family members who cannot make it sometime after.
    I started keeping a journal and found it helped to just get out the thoughts I really wanted to say.
  • edited December 2011
    Sanfranciscoeve - Thank you.  I appreciate it and I'm really trying to focus on the positive people.  We do have a lot of them and FI's family is really great!

    RoMy215 - I have received zero suggestions from my family thus far.  Having the wedding in CO wasn't even a suggestion by them, but rather, their way of making it all about them like they do with other family events.  Even then, why should it matter to them where I am getting married, after all, the only thing that should matter is that I am getting married

    I did let them know that CA was our home and where we planned on raising a family so it would make sense to marry here. We did throw around the idea to have a celebration in CO for the family members who couldn't make it and decided against it.  More money we shouldn't have to spend and we are not accomadating people who can't be there.  Not my problem they can't be there and chances are I probably won't be too bummed considering most of them have super bratty, disobedient, disrespectful children.

    Thank you both for the suggestions! Smile
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  • mOKOdmOKOd member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's probably more convenient for them if you have it in CO so thus the negativity.  They are making it more about them instead of you.  Go with your plans and if they don't want to attend a CA wedding oh well....
    My mother always used to say: "The older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana." --Betty White as Rose Nylund
  • edited December 2011
    I'll weigh in on this because of the circumstances in which I got married:

    At the time, my future husband and I, went to several family reunions in Minnesotta even though we had originally met in Los Angeles. When we got engaged, we had a long distance relationship as he ended up moving to St. Louis for job and family reasons but I would still visit him in the summer and the holidays.

    Once we were engaged, our choices for our wedding were as follows:

    Glenwood, Minnesota: in the church his parents were married and where the bulk of his relatives would be.

    St. Louis, MO: a central location that would have made it possible for most of his family members to attend given west or central US locations.

    Los Angeles, California: the place where we met and the place where most of our friends were.

    I had a heart to heart with my then fiancee about these options.  I told him I was prepared to face planning our wedding in any location that he chose.  He chose Los Angeles. 

    Talk to your fiancee and tell him how you feel.  You'll have knottie support no matter where you plan your wedding--forget everyone else--listen to him.  The most important location is the location that the two of you decide together, regardless of the opinions of relatives.

    Your wedding is about two lives coming together to create a new life that encompases the both of you. Don't mistake compromising the convenience of the relatives for what the two of you are about. 

  • edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies! 

    mOKOd -  You totally nailed it.  My family has always been like that. 

    We booked our venue 2 months ago.  Before we even got engaged we discussed marrying in CA.  This is our home and where we plan to raise a family.  It's really sad that my family can be so negative during a time that is suppose to be happy. They're suppose to be excited for me.  I didn't feel any excitement from them when I visited.  Sad.  I hope I don't look back and feel like we wasted a bunch of money on ungreatful, unsupportive people.
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  • SkiptinkSkiptink member
    edited December 2011
    Having recently had a similar discussion/argument with my mother I suggest 1) invite them any way.  If they want to come, they will.  If they don't come, that's their choice. 2) The ones who do show up really do love and support you.  And those are the people you should be surrounded by on your special day.

    Best of luck!
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you, Skiptink!
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