Can we say etiquette???

dalandrea

So we're starting to get our RSVP cards back and today we got two in which FI's family added guests to their invite. One of them, we invited two of them, and the response card said 6! 6 people! They added 4 to the list without even asking!! I am freaking out right now.... I guess I knew this was going to happen at some point, but our list is already big enough and its only been a week since the invites went out... This does not bode well for the future....Anyone else want to vent about their RSVP woes? I know I'm not the only one...

teacher_jenny

WHAT??? I have never heard of such a thing!!  I thought my dad adding people without telling me was bad, this definitely tops me!  What does FI think about this?  Who did they add?  I just can't wrap my mind around this one!  Tell them "thanks, but no thanks!" 

dalandrea

He's not as upset as I am. He expected it to happen. He seems to think that the people they added are other members of the family that are invited but they just combined it on the card. He's going to call his mother tomorrow and ask about it. It seems to be their kids that they've added, but we really tried to only invite adults and that is all that I put on the invite. We'll see what happens. Hopefully this won't happen too much...

coufalwedding

I'm on the August board alot and we are going through out RSVP woes over there. My deadline is tomorrow and I have 30 people still out. And, alot of them are family! wow. I mean the postage is paid people.. just pull the card out, sign it and mail it.. no biggie and you've had 4 weeks to do it! lol!So rediculous! And, honestly I'm looking at those people just a little different these days.. what you didnt know until you plan a wedding.. lol!

cwheels82

Mine just went out and I just wanted to offer a suggestion for others that read this to combat this problem.  We're not inviting a lot of people with dates so my friends that work at a local stationary/invitation design company suggested this line to clear up any confusion and prevent additions:"We have reserve ____ seats in your honor."  We had that above the food choices on each RSVP postcard.  I know that what the envelope says is supposed to dictate who's invited but I think some just don't seem to understand.  It was a pain to go in and write numbers on everything when I stuffed the pockets but I'm hoping I don't run into people adding extras to their invite!Hopefully it works... I'll let you know mid August when they're all due!

vmcelhan

wow...i've never heard of that.  we too used the "we have reserved ____ seats in you honor" and had no one request additional guests, worked out great.  i would call the people and explain who was to be invited and who was not.  4 people is a lot of money and as a guest that was extremely rude of them to do to you, so i would not feel the least bit bad about telling them they are not to bring additional guests, especially if your guest list is already large.

katyj112

We also did the _seats in your honor and it's going great, no add-ons yet!  That doesn't help you much now!  I would be so irritated but would have the parent from that side handle it.  My woe is that they have dropped off completely!  We sent them out early b/c it's a holiday weekend and got about 4 a day for a week and now it's nada.  Of course the recently married gals got them out right away so that's nice .

Emily99

People decided just not to RSVP at all to the shower. Never said anything about not being able to go or sorry that they couldn't make it or anything. I understand completely if people have other obligations but to not say anything at all is rude. My poor family was expecting more people. I also get aggrevated when family members say they will make it and then RSVP they wont be there with no explanation or note or anything. Just leaving me to wonder.

Rebeccaaa

My wedding woe was when the guests that I had to call said they were coming.. But never did! Granted our venue was nice. But the money we paid for their plates coulda paid to have it at a nicer venue if I knew they had no intention. I'm still salty about it!

dcunningham2

We also did the "we have reserved ___ seats in your honor" one guest asked if she could bring her son and we said no, since we only allowed children of the family. Other than that, everyone followed the RSVP card. I definitely wouldn't think they have bad manners, just that they did not know any better. (which is why I was sure to include that wording on my invites) And yes, some people RSVP for others in the family that they are probably traveling with, but who received separate invitations. So I would call them for clarification because 1. they may have RSVP'd for other guests that are invited, and that way you can check them off the list and 2. if you are tight on space you want a firm control on your guest list (although with the 80/20 rule you'll probably not have any problems with that) I am still so p-o'd at my family members that RSVP'd yes and then no-showed. I mean honestly people, can you just pick up the phone and let us know that you can't make it? I could have invited some church friends last minute to fill those paid-for seats!

snj2009

When I was receiving RSVP's for my 1st marraige, my invites clearly stated adult reception to follow and were addressed as such to adults only on the inner & outer envelopes.  Not only did my now ex-husbands sister reply immediately, she changed the invite that was aaddressed to her & her husband only, to RSVP & include her 6 children, her olderst daughters husband (which they received their own invite anyway) and their (daughter& husbands) children!  Her RSVP card said "# of guests attending - 12."  I called my what was FMIL and cried - I told her she needed to talk to her daughter because my wedding recpetion was not to turn into a soup kitchen for her & her kids! (She was always bouncing from house to house, job to job - completely abused the system and so forth.)I had a strict no - children policy, and what hurt the most, is that my matron of honor brought her own 2 children - without asking or anything - just showed up with them!  They were the only children at the wedding.  Some people just don't understand it, but I'd call the people and say, "I'm sorry, but we have a tight budget and can only allow such & such # at the wedding," or "our guest count unfortunately will not allow us to accomodate children being in attendance."  Or something like that.  It's rude of people to assume, but sometimes it has to be spelled out.  Good luck to you!