Invitation Etiquette - HELP!!!

bennettcl0302

I'm having 2 weddings. I'm American and he's Persian. I have a small amount of family and friends. He has a huge family. The first wedding was meant to be a small church wedding for immediate family and friends. I planned for around 60-75 people. The Sunday wedding is a Persian wedding and meant to include all of the families and friends. My FI has put together his guest list for the first wedding and he has 70 people alone!  When I asked him to trim his list so that my side could come (he's invited family he's not SEEN or TALKED to in years!), he got upset and said it wasn't right to invite some of his family to one ceremony and not the other. I wouldn't mind except, the building only holds 100 people. I'm trying to decide what the etiquette would be to invite, and not offend, certain family members to one wedding and not the other. The next step is to convince the FI. Any ideas??

phiaska

Oh, that's a tough one.  Other than "well, let's do some math.  We can have 100 people.  Including both our immediate families that's X.  We have Y left - so let's divide that by 2 and see what we come up with for each list and we'll go from there."

You could try getting him to do an A list and a B list?  I have a big family and I know how hard this is.  Good luck!

Lnc0185

Yes, I'd break it down my lists.  We did a list for his side, my side and our side together (our friends).  From there we broke down those 3 lists into must invite, should invite, would like to invite.  It mean a world of different.  Also, include your parents and his in choosing the guest list.  You will be surprised on who they cut and that way you wont feel bad for offending them, bc they are the ones who did the cutting! 

lupey83

My fiance and I had a huge fight today about our guest list... HE REFUSES TO CUT DOWN HIS LIST! were both mexican so we have a big family but we were planning a wedding for 150 people which is very small for us! I don't understand why he has to invite cousins who he only sees or talks to once a year!!!! I cut down my family so now we just added and extra 20 for a total of 170 and splitting it exactly down the middle!!!! I refuse to look around and just see his family everywhere!!! If your venue only fits 100 people it's only fare that he cut down his list he needs to understand this.... maybe you should just have him cut down on his cousins and leave the religious ceremony to his aunts and uncles.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I don't understand the 2 weddings. Is one traditional and 1 persian? Can you scrap the first one and do the big one only, where everyone will be invited?

I think if you are having a small wedding for the first one, you need to keep it REALLY small, or else some people will be offended. Like, immediate family only - parents, siblings, grandparents. MAYBE aunts, uncles and cousins, but only if they fit.

You need to come up with a tier system to be fair. Invite all your cousins on your side and his. If you still have room, start inviting second cousins. If you can't fit all of one tier, then you don't invite them and you stop at the previous tier. Get it?

bennettcl0302

We eventually got a list from his parents that included a whopping 242 FAMILIES...seriously??? So i sent the list right back to his parents, said I can only fit 80 people for the Saturday wedding and I needed it trimmed down (I used a little more tact than that of course). He came back at we're still at 94 people total. This is an ongoing battle! We're supposed to be getting a final list from them this week. I always thought people were kidding when they said the invitation list was one of the hardest parts!