Wow...why am i being judged by other brides for taking his name?

aliaammar

Warning this is a vent....I posted on another board that my fiance would be sad if I didnt take his name. So I decdied that I will make my maiden name my middle, and take his last name. No big deal right? But to "some people" on these boards this is sexist, controlling, sad, etc. I am so annoyed right now, becasue my fiance is the sweetest, kindest guy, but just really wants me to take his name.
And why is it other brides who are going crazy over this? To each their own, and STOP being so JUDGEMENTAL people!

Vans18

I don't see what's so wrong with that, I took my dh's last name and I've never gotten any judgmental comments from anyone. Ignore negative feedback...just do what your heart says and brush everything else off.

Mellie35

Coming from someone who did not change their name, I get judged all the time. It is ridiculous. It is a very personal decision. My husband said it was my decision and he did not care either way.

I read some of the posts on the other board and it sounds like people were attacking you because it sounded like you wanted to keep your name but you were feeling pressure to change it. The pressure is not fair. It really should be your decision and everyone else needs to accept it.

And lastly, even though I did not change my name, most people call me Mrs. Hislastname. And, I have to live with that.

imlovingit

Who cares what some strangers on a board have to say. DO what you feel comfortable doing. If you and your spouse are happy then nothing else matters.

DodgersBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_california-los-angeles_wowwhy-am-being-judged-other-brides-taking-his-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:68Discussion:b63a07f9-df9a-4e31-b1c7-ded53ff3a7a6Post:5ddb845f-b537-46c8-910c-4917b2dd9117">Wow...why am i being judged by other brides for taking his name?</a>:
[QUOTE]Warning this is a vent....I posted on another board that my fiance would be sad if I didnt take his name. So I decdied that I will make my maiden name my middle, and take his last name. No big deal right? But to "some people" on these boards this is sexist, controlling, sad, etc. I am so annoyed right now, becasue my fiance is the sweetest, kindest guy, but just really wants me to take his name. And why is it other brides who are going crazy over this? <strong>To each their own, and STOP being so JUDGEMENTAL people!</strong>
Posted by aliaammar[/QUOTE]

I think where the posters were coming from in the other thread is that you put it as though you don't want to change your last name and that the only reason you are doing so it because you FI would be mad if you didn't. You were not being judge for taking his name, it was the way you worded your post. 

Also if this is how you feel you should have said so in that thread instead of coming to another board.

aliaammar

Dodgerbride I did post a response in the other thread...so thanks for looking before posting....

DodgersBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_california-los-angeles_wowwhy-am-being-judged-other-brides-taking-his-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:68Discussion:b63a07f9-df9a-4e31-b1c7-ded53ff3a7a6Post:2b7cdf7c-167d-4561-90e9-66b3bc940593">Re: Wow...why am i being judged by other brides for taking his name?</a>:
[QUOTE]Dodgerbride I did post a response in the other thread...so thanks for looking before posting....
Posted by aliaammar[/QUOTE]

I did see your response but your response was no way near what you posted here. I guess I don't understand why you came to a completely different board to complain about other posters.

It seems like you didn't want to say  <em>"To each their own, and STOP being so JUDGEMENTAL people!</em>" To those people you actually felt were being judgmental to you. If this is how you felt why not say in the original thread to them instead of coming here.

aliaammar

I guess I thought I made myself clear in my response to them....but things get lost in typing translation. I thought this LA board was cool becasue we are all locals, and I like to get others opinions. I feel like I always want to uplift people and give positive advice, not bring others down. I never copy and paste people's posts word for word for this reason. People should feel like they can share here....but I guess thats not the case. I dont think there is anything wrong with me telling people to not be so judgemental, when they dont even know 1% of me or my life. Thanks to everyone for there feelings on this

DodgersBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_california-los-angeles_wowwhy-am-being-judged-other-brides-taking-his-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:68Discussion:b63a07f9-df9a-4e31-b1c7-ded53ff3a7a6Post:ca067ec7-a3c3-4c4f-a853-0db3f139ec0e">Re: Wow...why am i being judged by other brides for taking his name?</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I thought I made myself clear in my response to them....but things get lost in typing translation. I thought this LA board was cool becasue we are all locals, and I like to get others opinions. I feel like I always want to uplift people and give positive advice, not bring others down. I never copy and paste people's posts word for word for this reason. People should feel like they can share here....but I guess thats not the case. I dont think there is anything wrong with me telling people to not be so judgemental, when they dont even know 1% of me or my life. Thanks to everyone for there feelings on this :)
Posted by aliaammar[/QUOTE]

The LA board is great and very helpful but just like all other boards people have different opinions. We may not agree on every single thing and that is perfectly fine. I just wouldn't judge an entire board based one thread.

I don't think by me copy&pasting one's post is bring them down, anyone can see anyone's post any time they want. I also don't think there is anything wrong with you telling people not to be judgmental I just feel it should be said to those people.
I felt you were running to a safe place to talk about other poster. I could be wrong but like you said things get lost in typing translation.

jagore08

Did you happen to lurk on that board to get a feeling for it before posting?  This happens a lot when people write things that can be taken different ways.  I happen to know a lot of regulars on that board and value their opinions.  But that's just it, they're opinions- take it or leave it.  If you know your FI then what they're saying shouldn't be an issue.  Let it roll off your back.  I can see why some people jumped on you for what you posted because it can be taken as a bit controlling the way you wrote it.  But again, if you know your FI and know he's not like that then let the comments roll off your back.

Also, Dodger was letting you know that it's considered bad netiquette to post on another board and complain about your post from another board.  Especially since they can see what you post. (that's the little magnifying glass that appears under every one of your posts).

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_california-los-angeles_wowwhy-am-being-judged-other-brides-taking-his-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:68Discussion:b63a07f9-df9a-4e31-b1c7-ded53ff3a7a6Post:13637851-9a76-4af7-afc4-2c906b5ef70d">Re: Wow...why am i being judged by other brides for taking his name?</a>:
[QUOTE]Coming from someone who did not change their name, I get judged all the time. It is ridiculous. It is a very personal decision. My husband said it was my decision and he did not care either way. I read some of the posts on the other board and it sounds like people were attacking you because it sounded like you wanted to keep your name but you were feeling pressure to change it. The pressure is not fair. It really should be your decision and everyone else needs to accept it. And lastly, even though I did not change my name, most people call me Mrs. Hislastname. And, I have to live with that.
Posted by Mellie35[/QUOTE]

Agreed with all this. I don't think it's that you want to change it - that's a decision everyone makes for themselves - but that you might be pressured to change YOUR name when it's no one else's decision. He gets to decide his name, you get to decide yours.

I've seen women who want to make their maiden name their middle name and have their FIs freak out about it - and yeah, I do sort of judge them for that.  In that case, I would not be okay with my FI/H saying or thinking that.