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donation favors

I planned on doing a donation in lieu of favors. I recently read on another post its taboo to let the guest know about the donation (I was shocked) it said that it’s to be kept a secret or it makes you look tacky. Does it? I have inserts that go inside the place cards where I planned on letting each guest know a donation was made in their name in lieu of favors to the Autism Research Institute. I then planned on adding the addy to their website (www.autism.com) I thought by doing this the guest would know that 1. We aren't being cheap and threw the favors out the window and 2. That autism research and awareness is extremely important to me and 3. Create an opportunity to maybe get a few people to log on and read their mission and perhaps donate themselves, should they wish. I thought it was a neat thing to do to. Is that really tacky??

Re: donation favors

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    edited December 2011
    I went a wedding this past weekend where they did donation favors to the local hospice (the grandmother of the bride passed away earlier this year and had been a patient).  I didn't think it was tacky at all.  I've also been to weddings without any favors and didn't think that was tacky either.
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    alithebull1alithebull1 member
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    edited December 2011
     There are different views on this topic so depending on who you ask it is or is not tacky.    I don’t know that I would say oh my gosh that is tacky but I would say it is not a replacement for a favor.  Now, I may be bias because I am a CPA but for one I think to myself it isn’t a favor to a guest to get a possible tax deduction for yourself – I know others may disagree with this thought but it really isn’t something to agree or disagree with because it is just fact that it might be so flame away.  I am sure that most everyone who does this has good intentions but I just don’t think it is a favor for a guest.   Some people consider it bragging like oh look at us and how great we are because we donate to charity…I know I wouldn’t think you were trying to boast about yourself but that is why some find it tacky.  Some also do not like that someone may make a donation in their name because maybe they do not agree with the cause or whatever.   There is also the school of thought of why is it always the favors for the guests that go out the window and not say flowers that aren’t really necessary to some either.    I also know people who think this is a joke and think to themselves yeah right sure you donated the money.  I am sure you would – just saying this is what some people think…like yeah sure you bought a star and named it after me kind of thing.   Why not just do without favors – because really one is anyway when they do this - and make your donation because you like to and not because it has anything to do with a wedding?   
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    edited December 2011
    I saw a friend do it last year and thought to myself what a fantastic idea it was!  I feel that as long as you pick a charity that is important to you (i.e. you volunteer there, have a family member afflicted, were personally touched by it, etc.), it is fine to do.  I may not be up on wedding etiquette but I never use wedding favors unless they are edible.... :).  And who needs more food at a wedding?!?  I say go for it if Autism Research is important to you. 
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    jchapman330jchapman330 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    alithebull1 I see your point, however my number one reason for going this route is to be able to use the biggest day of my life to create awareness for something very near and dear to my heart, however small it maybe.
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    KT82KT82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I do not think it is tacky at all. I am also making a donation in lieu of favors, and I've been to a wedding where someone did this and no one seemed put off by it. A close friend of mine passed away from breast cancer a few years ago, so we are donationg to Susan G Komen. I think your idea is great too, I also support autism research and its a good way to help raise awareness. I am just making a little card for the tables that explains the donation, etc but will not be disclosing the amount (that would be tacky IMO!).
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    JoeyOzJoeyOz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I love it when people do this.  Especially since so many couples seem to get caught up in the wedding "day" it's nice to see a couple that thinks of others and the big picture.  I've been to weddings where it's done and it's not tacky.
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    vmcelhanvmcelhan member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    we made two donations, american heart association and the american cancer society...one for my grandfather who passed away from a heart attack, and one for DH's grandmother who died of breast cancer.  it went over extremely well and we had told some of our family members that we were doing it.  we got many, many compliments and people were extremely touched and honored as these two people meant a great deal to their respective side of the family.not tacky at all.and, as an accountant/soon to be CPA myself, i can honestly say that the last thing on my mind, or any other CPA's mind in attendance for that matter, was a tax deduction.  this was to honor and remember two people who were very dear to our families and close to our hearts and our guests knew that.  besides, we rent and don't itemize our taxes anyways so it didn't even benefit us in that fashion.
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    dcbabydcbaby member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    A few months before our wedding my DH's father died of cancer. We had favors planned but after this tragedy we decided to donate to the American Cancer Society.  We framed a picture of his father and wrote a note to our guest explaining the donation. (I got it right off their website) We then purchased blue ribbon pins (colon cancer)  and put them in a bowl next to the frame for our guests to take.  Our whole bridal party wore them and during our reception it put a smile on my DH's face when he saw the majority of our guests wearing the pins too. I don't think this is tacky at all. Really...how many wedding favors do you save? 
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    starshine985starshine985 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I do not think it's tacky at all whatsoever. A friend of mine did this back in May and, although I wasn't looking to receive a favor, I loved knowing that they donated money in lieu of the favor and to whom they donated. I think it's a very thoughtful thing to do. If it's important to you, then go ahead and do it!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    jstripejstripe member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We did donations as favors for our May wedding, and, like Val, guests actually made a point of thanking us for it.  We donated to the American Heart Association and the American Diabetes Association as both of our families have been touched by these organizations. 
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    jchapman330jchapman330 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sweet, that makes me feel great ladies! Thank you so much :)
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    edited December 2011
    There is a thread about this at Etiquette Hell if you desire other opinions. http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=25477.0As you can see, there's really no wider consensus. I personally don't feel one way or another about it clearly. On one hand, giving to charity is great, as is raising awareness for important issues (autism is a great one!). On the other, I'm not sure that a wedding is a proper place when you have a captive audience. So I would not be offended by the donation...I also don't think I'd miss it if there just wasn't a favor at all.
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    TBHCJSTBHCJS member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    the whole "why is it the favors that go?" is an interesting notion. i've never thought donations were tacky, but i think i would be impacted more if the donation was in leui of something else. seems more like a sacrifice, which, in turn, makes it seem like a very important cause to the B&G in the end, no one will argue about donations being a GOOD thing, so however it happens is positive.
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    edited December 2011
    One other point I saw brought up is that, by making the donation to a charity you choose, not the charity each guest might choose, that it is a gift to yourselves and not to the guests.I really can't see someone objecting to research for autism, especially if they are your friends, but apparently some people actually can be offended by the chosen charity, as odd as that sounds.
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