?Help?

futuremrsmueller12

PROBLEMO  #1
So Yesterday i picked up the phone and called my dad to let him know I was getting married... (I haven't spoken to him in 3 years and haven't seen him in 7 years) I really wasn't going to but i've been having these dreams... so I did...Fi wasn't too thrilled about it b/c he knows my father abandoned me when i was little and caused so much pain to me and my mother.. but I have come to forgive. My father lives in Mexico now with his wife and own family. He said He and his family will come.. THIS WILL BE THE FIRST TIME MY FI and my father meet... Fi understands/speaks lil spanish to no spanish my father speaks/understands no english SO I'm not sure how thats gonna go... also I want my father to stay with us at our home but my FI says no way no how... that he'll pay for a hotel room for them.. but they dont know anything or anyone around here.

PROBLEMO#2
I really really really want a banda but Fi's family will feel uncomfortable and have already said that they dont want one... and Fi is leaning a little towards his fam... Do you think he'll change his mind over time?! how can I convince him?! the reason he and his family feel like this is BC  he cousin also got married to a latina , and i guess from what i heard they only played banda and it was "too loud" and there was no english... ???

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH AN ADVANCED! I want a BIG wedding but I am starting to think we should just elope!

peaches85

#1 - I think it depends A LOT on how many people are in your dad's new family and how long they plan on staying.  You also have to consider the fact that you're going to be stressed and going crazy in the days leading up to your wedding, so having your dad and his family around (who you haven't talked to in years) may create a lot of unnecessary and added stress for both you AND FI.  Are there any hotels really close to your house?  You could have them over at your place during the day (and maybe even a night or two), but ultimately I think they should be in a hotel.  I know they're family, but I can see how the stress and tension may build up very quickly, especially since your FI is clearly (and understandably) uncomfortable with the fact that your father abandoned you and your mom when you were younger.

#2 - I think that if ALL you have is a banda, it will be very disrespectful to FI and his side UNLESS the banda agrees to play American music (do any do this??) and they are bilingual.  Why not consider hiring a bilingual DJ who can play both spanish and english music for the reception and then hire the banda for either the cocktail hour or for just an hour or so during the actual reception and then when they leave the DJ can take over again?

KRPadilla

1.  You have to respect your fiance's wishes.  This is his wedding and his home as well as yours.  It sounds like he is being respectful and having your father and his family come to the wedding. Your father has been disrespectful to you and your mother and it is probably uncomfortable for your fiance to even have him coming.  SO, for him to say, that he doesn't want them staying in your home.  You have to also in turn be respectful of your fiance.  I don't think it is necessary for your family to stay in your home.  If you locate a hotel near you, and include a guide for them to area places or places near the hotel they might want to check out.  I think that you will be showing respect to your father and ensuring that he has some idea about his surroundings.  I think you have to listen to your fiance on this one.

2. I love banda music!  And I would enjoy an entire night of it.  However, some of my family has never heard banda unless they are here at our house.  And while I don't think my family would complain, I think they would not feel as comfortable with all banda, and that a mix of music would allow all our guests to have music they identify with.  I like Peaches idea of having different music for the cocktail hour or part of your night. 

Galvanwed

problemo 1 Try to talk your FI into it but, if it is going to make him uncomfortable thyen, it might be best for all that they stay in a hotel. I would make sure your dad can contact you at all times, though and try to find a hotel near you that has Spanish speaking employees. Or does your Dad or his wife now have other family here that they could stay with?

problemo 2 I am American and my FI is Mexican, we both love Mexican music so, we are having mainly Mexican music at our wedding. During the ceremony we are going to have a Spanish song then an English song, During cocktail hour, a few songs of an American Genre, then a few songs of a Mexican Genre and vise versa; During dancing it will be mainly Mexican music as White people don't dance at least not in my family anyway. So to answer your question, remind your FI that he is marrying a Latina and it is your day to so he needs to remember that you have your tatse in music and compromise. Have the Banda and have a DJ. Get the Banda to play a few songs and then have the DJ to do some just like in clubs when they have groups play. Good luck and Felicidades!

futuremrsmueller12

THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH LADIES! it really means a lot to me... i've been stressing over it all day! ya Most likely we'll put my father and his wife and their two kids in a hotel and make sure there is spanish seaking employees.  
As for the Banda... it would be aside of a DJ I'm a BIG country fan and we listen to all sorts of englisg music.... I would like only one hour BUT fi's parents said they would leave the wedding if that happens... so I'm pretty sure no banda! hopefuly if we go to cancun for our honeymoon we can hear Banda there it makes me sad that an ultimatium has been made.... and they are putting Fi in an ackward position but i don't care anymore i dont want any hard feelings so no banda and thats final! i'm sad & disappointed.. but all i want is to marry the man of my dreams!! I wouldn't care if we eloped tomorrow as long as I was with my honey!


uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh THANKS AGAIN FOR LISTENING! there's no one really I could explain this all to... no one would understand

peaches85

Wow!  I didn't realize his parents won't even let you have a banda for an hour!  Craziness!  Have you asked about having a banda for the cocktail hour?  The parents will be elsewhere with you and FI having pictures taken, so they probably won't even hear the music. 

Ken&Cass

I can understand your fiancé’s hesitation with having someone (even if they are related) staying with you that you haven't seen in a very long time. Personally, I don't think I could trust a situation like that myself. You have to understand that you will be very busy the days leading up to your wedding, and you may not be able to handle the added stress of having family you don't really know staying with you for the first time. I don't personally think it's a great time to do it. They may be spending a lot of their time sitting around your house by yourself. My advice would be to try and put them in a hotel where you know some other guests may be staying, and ask one of the other guests if they mind helping out dad and his family if they need any help doing what they would like to during their visit. Don't necessarily put all the responsibility on someone else, just mention to them that you will be busy and you would like them to be available if your father needs any help. It's hard enough to have family stay with you that you know well, let alone people you don't. I made this mistake my first wedding having my in-laws who I didn't know very well stay at my house.

My experience has been that a lot of people are only amused by mariachis for a short period of time. Have you considered having them play outside your church when you finish your ceremony for an hour or so while people are greeting each other?