Need to vent before I...

Galvanwed

Ok, as you all know my FI is Mexican and I am white, well, his Mom and Dad are the best but, the women who are here in the US are horrible, they are very judgmental and cliquish type people. When we moved back from Columbus, we stayed at his cousins house until our apartment was ready to move in an oh my God, his wife, as I had be told is a total B*T*H and she made up stories to all of the others about me that were so not true as I have been told she has done about everybody who has lived with her. Well, now she wants to tell everyone why do I not like her she never did anything to me, umm duh? open your eyes and remember!!! If she was the only one that would be fine but, no everybody is the same. I thought 2 of the girls were friends but, no they do just as bad, I hear that they are judge everything from the wedding to the way FI's and my relationship. I have had it with all of these holier than thou type people, I have even been told by one of them that if I was Mexican I would be accepted easier into their group, do you believe that?! FI is angered about this he has also heard things from the guys that the women have said to their husbands so, it is very rare that we go to a get together or party. How do I get this situation bettered, I don't want FI's family to be this way and I don't want to cause problems between him and his family, I actually liked some of them before all of this. Any advice or help, please. And sorry so long, need to vent badly!!!

munkii

Rather than avoid GTGs with family, he needs to have a talk with them.  He needs to remind them that he loves you, and you must not be terrible because of that.  He needs to remind him that they can trust his judgment.  If they say, "Well, so-and-so said this about Galvanwed," he needs to remind them that so-and-so likes to spread lies about everyone else. 

Also, to show your true self to them, hang out with his ma and tias.  Stay away from the main trouble-maker.  Show his family you're interested in becoming part of the family.

maryvillalba

I am not trying to put this on YOU in any way because it sounds they are giving you a hard time...but maybe you could try a few things to smooth things over.    If the concern with them is that you aren't Mexicana, show them that even though you come from a different culture, you respect theirs and plan to honor both yours and your fiancees as you someday raise children together.  If you don't already speak it, learn spanish!  Ask if you can help them in the kitchen and learn to cook traditional foods.  Sometimes white people assume things about other cultures (and vice versa) that just aren't so, so try to be careful and learn more about what their culture means to them.
If that one lady is just 'chismosa' then people will understand and things will work out.  Just don't isolate yourself.  It can be hard in this country when a familiy starts to worry a little that their relative is marrying interracially, not because of racist issues, just for fear that their may be some disconnect in traditions and cultures.  Mexican families are very close and typically very large, I am sorry you feel like the odd girl out, but you will be accepted in time.  I agree w above that FI can have a talk with them, but also this may be women's business, and I bet you can fix it on your own, and impress FI at the same time.
Good luck!
Mary
(btw, I am mexican/jewish, fiancee is mexican.)

maryvillalba

.oh wow just noticed that u are in Georgia.. am in ATL too..where is your venue?

Galvanwed

We are having the wedding at my grandparents home in Canton.

I speak Spanish great and even have an accent when I speak it, I can cook Mexican food better than most of them ( I c an even make homemade tortillas corn and flour) that is one thing they call me for. I have tried everything and am at the point that I don't know what to do. His Mom and sisters love me it is just the girls around here who I see daily. May God help me!!! LOL
I'm not letting it get to me too bad it just gets at me when they start but, we are still planning the wedding of the year!!!LOL At least I hope!!

Galvanwed

Where is your wedding?

[Deleted User]

Coming from a Mexican family I'm going to tell you very nicely... Just suck it up. They are going to be judgey mcjudgerson FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Nothing you do will ever make them completely and totally happy. If you try one thing, they will find something else to pick at and so on and so fourth. My mom has 5 sisters... they ALL have nit-picked at every single one of our cousins' spouses and weddings. They get over it till "fresh meat" comes in.

Enjoy YOUR wedding day, Involve the mother, if he has sisters involve them too in some aspects. Everyone else... eh. not so important. Think about it this way, you wont have to live with them on a day-to-day basis, and only have to really deal with them in family functions... at most a few hrs.

Just learn to brush them off and as long as you and your FI are on the same page and he supports and loves you enough to stand by you, then that's all that really matters.