im white, hes latino

kharrell89

we are not running into problems until his parents get involved. They are not paying so i dont take their opinion too seriosly. They are old school and want everything traditional. how do i keep them under control? they say the wedding is not for you its for the parents....
any interracial couples running into the same problem!?

heidi1068

I wish I could help but FI's parents disowned him because he is marrying me.  I can tell you that there is nothing *you* can do.  He can talk to his parents but you will most likely do irreparable harm if you do so.

peaches85

I'm white and my FI is Ecuadorian.  We haven't had any problems, but that's because we want to make sure we incorporate elements of both our cultures into the wedding.  Our invitations, save-the-dates, and programs are in English and Spanish.  I'm not Cathoilc, but we're incorporating the rosary lasso into the ceremony because it means a lot to him and his mom.  We're also incorporating the Greek wedding crowns into the ceremony because it's part of my culture.  The reception will have a mix of music in English as well as salsas, merengues, bachatas, vallenatos, cumbias, and even a few Greek songs.  We also hired a bilingual (Spanish and English) DJ and our officiant can speak some Spanish. 

I'm not sure what you're intending to do right now for all of the elements of your wedding, and while I don't believe that your wedding is FOR his parents, you should still incorporate some of their ideas and traditions into the wedding out of respect for your FI, his culture, and his family.

You could even sit down with his parents to find out what traditions mean the most to them and then incorporate a few of them in some way... come to a happy medium.

[Deleted User]

Its really up to him to talk to them. remember this is only a glimpse of what is to come with your marriage.

you two should sit down and discuss what exactlly you want. Its really up to HIM to talk to his parents, but its up to the both of you to decide first what YOU want. in the end it is YOUR wedding. not theirs. They are ALREADY married.

jenandcris

Just saying that you won't take your FI's parents seriously is... not very nice. So what if they're not chipping in financially to your wedding fund? You are betrothed to their son. Doing one or two "traditional" things to appease his parents won't hurt.

I'm doing what peaches85 is doing- incorporating both of our cultures. I think it's the best of both worlds.

mengland2

I'm Latin and he's white. Just a heads up, try to keep the peace with the future family. You sound like you're already getting off on the wrong foot and latin families are tight knit. I understand that it can be a drag to hear opinions when they aren't pitching in but keep that to yourself and ultimately the wedding is about you and him. Don't lose that. Goodluck  

mehgank

I agree that while it may be difficult learning how to handle your new in-laws, but this marriage is for life, and they're his parents whether you like it or not. I think it's VERY important to respect your new family, even if they do drive you a little crazy sometimes. I'm part-French, part-Cherokee and my FI's family is Mexican, so it's been difficult trying to make sure our wedding is a balance of both of our family's traditions. It can be done, you just have to be willing to work with them, which right now, it sounds like you aren't.

Is there any reason why you're being so reluctant to incorporate his Latino traditions? In our case, I'm actually looking for more and more ways to include his family's Mexican traditions because I love celebrating his heritage.

SeleenaJuliet

It can be frustrating listening to people who sound like they're trying to control your wedding especially when they aren't contributing financially.  In the end, we all must make concessions.  Try to incorporate a couple of traditional hallmarks to show that you are listening to them and that you value their culture.  They are going to be your family as well soon and you want to have the strongest possible relationship.  Have your FI remind them that there are two sets of parents involved and your family expects certain traditions as well.  In the end everyone can't get their way 100%. 

P.S.  I'm noticing a ton of interracial couples here.  How come there's no Interracial/Intercultural Board?  In my case he's Latino and I'm Black.

ginajs

I'm on the opposite spectrum, he's white and I'm mexican and thankfully we haven't had any problems with either set of parents.  This may have more to do with us incorporating each others traditions (although he didn't have many other than BM & GM) and my parents knowing their daughter does things however she wants. I'd recommend your FI talk to them, after you and him talk of course, to figure out what traditions are most important to them.  Also I don't think the fact that they are not helping pay for your wedding should preclude you incorporating at least a few Hispanic traditions, it will show respect to his culture and family, which will soon be yours too.  Ultimately your FI should make it clear to his parents that it is both YOUR wedding and you want it to be meaningful to you. Good luck!

preciosa4

We had a few snags: his mother wanted her full name to be spelled out individually on the invitation and our US invitations simply couldn't accomodate that space-wise.  (Her name is too long!) They also wanted me to NOT wear my engagement ring for every day and to get a plain band to match my husbands, rather than a ring to match the engagement ring in US common tradition.  For the invitations, we compromised by letting her buy separate invitations in their country for their relatives which follow the format she wanted and could fit her full name.  We held firm that I will wear my engagement ring and our wedding bands will not match.  And other things (like her desire to walk him down the aisle, rather than enter from the side with the rest of the men, I just said okay, because it wasn't that important to me, but it was to her.

The most important thing, I think, is that he and I come to an agreement between the 2 of us, then make the decision.  The real debate occurs between the 2 of us, not me and his mother. 

nicoleflores2005

"we are not running into problems until his parents get involved. They are not paying so i dont take their opinion too seriosly. They are old school and want everything traditional. how do i keep them under control? they say the wedding is not for you its for the parents....
any interracial couples running into the same problem!?"

Just because they aren't paying doesn't mean it isn't an imporant day for them.  You have to be willing to compromise if you're going to get married.  It's not all about you, and certainly not all about them.  It's a day to be shared.

And I want to point out that this isn't really a Latino issue.   Plenty of families are "traditional" and have certain expectations for their children's weddings.  Trust me, this is an issue that like 99% of brides everywhere have to deal with. 

Ultimately, you and FI get the final say since you two are getting married.  But forget about trying to "control" your future in-laws.  You need to figure out how to work *with* them.  They're going to be your new family for a long time.

NickDanielleB

First thing you need to realize coming into a latino family - tradition is VERY important. The sooner you realize this the better. While I don't agree that the wedding is for his parents and not for you, ignoring his cultures and traditions would be like a slap in the face for his parents. I get that the wedding day is "your day" but can't you make a few concessions to make his family feel like a part of the day? I'm in no way saying to compromise the whole thing, but being unbending at all seems a bit hardheaded and rude. You may want to think about how you are entering into his family and ask if this is the way you want to represent yourself.

Galvanwed

I am white and FI is Mexican and we haven't had many problems with his parents or sisters since We are integrating both customs in the wedding. FI's parents are very traditional and very Catholic as in FMIL goes to church constantly and wants us to be married in the churchwith the full Wedding Mass but, can't happen yet, I grew up in a Non denominational church and am in the process of converting so, we are having a civil ceremony and are doing the arras and the laso which we asked her about it before hand and she said that she would not take offense. She also says that she is glad that we both respect her enough to ask her opinion beforehand on the major and important things even though she is not paying for it. Becareful as the PP's say you don't want to get off to a bad start with the inlaws, Hispanic families are very close nit. Now, the cousins and their wives on both sides, don't really stress their comments, they will always find something or somebody to judge (personal experience)

You might want to have a couple of things from your FI's culture in your wedding to show his family that just as you love him for who he is, you also respect where he comes from, his parents, family, and culture.

Good luck!

sobuddha

Oh lord, people... first thing first. 
I'm Mexican/Guatemalan and my FI is Irish.

No in law issues here...

Your Future MOL sounds "metiche"--nosy. 

If the wedding is all about the parents, I guess they forgot YOU have parents, hello?!! 

There is a saying in Spanish, el que quiere ver celeste, que le cueste. The English equivalent is He who has the gold makes the rules. 

I'm not sure what they're asking of you, but culturally its your HUSBAND's responsibility to man up and put his mother in check.  Its better to know now if he's a momma's boy than find out after you're married.

Best of luck!

bmcco010

One thing is you never mentioned if you are trying to incorporate things and his parents just want everything traditional or if you havent tried to incorporate at all?

If you have tried, but they want it all their way i would suggest telling them that you have traditional american culture that is important to you too and so some things will have to be set aside because you want to incorporate your culture too.

On the other hand if you have not tried to incorporate, is it because your FI was born and raised american so it may be hard for you to picture why they want a traditional latin wedding {i.e especially if he doesnt speak spanish, doesnt have an accent, or isnt really connected with his roots]?
 
If thats not the case and its just because the wedding you have been dreaming of since a little girl is an american one, then you should really consider the fact that he is latino and in all honesty latinos typically have a better party than americans.(hehe) but you should try it. Im pretty sure most of your family members would love the "exotic" sentiments of some of the traditions of latinos. 

sharkgrl

didn't you see the movie 'my family wedding'?  "our marriage=THEIR WEDDING" Imeaning the parents lol)...

But on a serious note, its all about compromise.  Have your parents, his parents, you, and him write down several elements that are important to them, and surely you can include at least one from each list.