Mixed Culture Confusion

futurehuerta

Hello. I'm engaged and getting married to the most wonderful man ever!!!

I am white and he is Mexican. I speak Spanish fluently so it is not hard for me to be around his family. And he speaks English fluently so it's not hard for him to be around my family.

But my family does not speak Spanish.
And his family does not speak English very strongly.

I'm worried about our wedding being awkward for our family and guests. Any ideas on how we can blend these two cultures together on our wedding and have everyone feel comfortable?

fam6

We are also a white/Mexican couple and we have just made the entire day a mix of the two cultures and two languages. During the ceremony, we are having readings in both languages, blessings in both languages and using traditions from both cultures.  Our program will be in both languages, one side you read thru it English, flip it over, you read thru it in Spanish.  At the reception we are having a blessing in both languages, our music will be a mix of the two languages and cultures.  Our food is fairly traditional American cuisine, but we do have a few Mexican details in the food too.  We are choosing to have our reception have a Mexican flare in the decor, while our ceremony space is more simple, elegant, more traditional US decor. 

The important thing is that it is YOUR wedding, the two of you.  So, do what is important to YOU and FI.  Figure out what traditions each of you most want to have in your wedding.  There is no RIGHT and WRONG that you have to be worried about.  Just be aware of both families and do your best to include both cultures, both families and both languages.  If you are trying, most people will appreciate it, even if there are a few things they don't catch along the way.

GL!

heidi1068

We're in the same situation and doing something similar to fam6.  Two other things to consider are having a bilingual officiant and a bilingual DJ/MC who knows the music of both cultures.  On the ceremony, we are still early in the planning process but our priest is bilingual and has a lot of experience with bilingual weddings; the program will be translated but the ceremony itself will not.  Instead, some parts will be in Spanish and some in English.  Our DJ is not biingual but he lived in Cancun for a year so he knows how to DJ a Mexican party and he encouraged us to have a friend co-MC.  For us, that was sufficient, because almost all of FI's friends and family understand English.

No matter how hard you try, your wedding is going to be predominantly one or the other but I would try to incorporate some things from the other tradition.  Since ours will be primarily in English, we are incorporating Mexican traditions such as the lazo and arras at the ceremony and the vibora at the reception.  Also, if your dad or anyone from your family will be doing a welcome, I would encourage him to learn to say very basic things to incorporate into his welcome speech (i.e., "Bienvenidos y gracias por estar con nosotros.").  I went to a gringo-uruguayan wedding last night and although there was almost nothing Uruguayan about it, the father of the bride did speak some broken spanish and it was very much appreciated by the older members of the groom's family--and the rest of us got a kick out of it.

Good luck!

ExpatPumpkin

My XP from the Etiquette board:

We had basically the same situation, and I promise it's doable!  My family speaks no Spanish and while nearly all of his does speak English, it's their second language and they obviously prefer Spanish.

Here's my advice (and what we did):

- Biligual ceremony - don't repeat sections, just have some parts in each language. 
- Do your vows in your native languages so that each set of parents understands 100%.
- When doing your seating chart, let his family/friends sit together and yours sit together.  This will avoid awkward/strained conversation.  Everyone will get together on the dance floor anyway
- Find ways to tie in both cultures - we had an American jazz band, a Latin DJ, and surprise mariachis at the end of the night, for example.

You can watch our highlights video (in bio) to see how it all panned out.  I had the same concerns that you did, and it turned out that I was stressed for no reason

Let me know if you have any specific questions.  If you need a bilingual Catholic program, I can email ours to you. 

Good luck!

preciosa4

I echo fam6, but will add, as ExpatPumpkin did, to take care with the seating chart to make sure that people are seated with others with whom they can communicate for the dinner.

Linz10882

-Bilingual officiant
-Bilingual DJ
*Remember that not every single aspect of your wedding must be presented in both languages (this gets tedious and drawn out)....switch it up here and there!
-A good mix of Latin and American music (a bilingual DJ will probably have experience blending music from both cultures)
-Typical wedding traditions from both cultures (American ones like the bouquet toss....not sure what Mexican traditions there are, but I'm sure you can find some on this board)
-Food/drinks from both cultures

We are having a Venezuelan/American wedding and these are the things we are planning to incorporate.  Are there certain things you like from his culture (a particular food or music group, for example), and vice versa?  If so, try to incorporate those things in some way.  Buena suerte!

P.S.  Be careful when you say "I am white and he is Mexican"-- Lots of people take offense to that, as white is not a nationality!  Many Europeans, Latin Americans, etc. are also white, and many Americans are not white, so it may not be apropriate to refer to yourself by skin color alone.  You wouldn't say "I am white and my fiance is brown" would you?!  lol    

singsomesong

You would be surprised at how little the language matters. Yes, I think all of the suggestions about bilingual officiants and programs and what not is great, and you should definitely do that, but in terms of the reception, as long as there is good food and fun music, non verbal communication is often enough. My Dutch-American aunt married a Mexican-American man and their reception was amazingly fun, even if there were communication problems, everyone was willing to dance and enjoy eachothers company anyway.

colleenmarie86

I found all of these posts so helpful! I got engaged in July and have yet to start planning my wedding because of the overwhleming feeling I encounter trying to organize an interracial wedding. I have a huge family that does not speak any Spanish and he has a very small family that speaks very little English. I'm debating whether I should put all of my close relatves on the guestlist (~100 ppl) while he only has his immediate family that he will invite (4) for the majority of his family is in the Dominican Republic. For all of you out there who are encountering similar challenges, know that you are not alone

virgincita

Same situation here :-) I speak Spanish and lived in Honduras for a while (not Mexico, but it's similar). But my fam. does not speak Spanish and in his family only a few of them speak English. Obviously we felt that it was important to make our wedding as multi-cultural and as bilingual as possible.

- Two sets of invites were sent out for spanish and english speakers.
- Rehearsal dinner is at a Mexican restaurant.
- We are having a full Mass but have two priests, one of whom is spanish-speaking and will do the Lazo and Arras and read the Gospel.
- Our readings and hymns at the Mass will alternate, one in Spanish and then one in English etc.

- we will have a Mariachi band playing during the cocktail hour and dinner, and then we have bilingual DJ for the rest of the night who will play a mix of spanish and english music.

virgincita

- and my programs will be in both languages.


let me just say, the bi-racial thing might not seem like a big deal at first. We are modern couples and this shouldn't be a problem for us, right?

But it can be...so don't feel like a failure when things come up. You can get through them :-)