Just Engaged and Proposals

Hate my ring...

My fiancé and I picked out my ring together. It's a simple micro pave style band. I don't like nor do I want a huge rock/solitaire, it's just not my style. I chose the low profile pave ring since I am young, very active, I work construction, and I do a lot of winter sports so I wear gloves often.

I wear a size 5, have very skinny fingers, and larger knuckles. The smallest the ring could be sized was a 5.5 . The jeweler convinced me that sizing beads would do the trick...I didn't like the idea, but agreed anyway. The first time we picked up the ring, they left it at a size 7 and applied HUGE sizing beads..it was even too big to were on my thumb! We took the ring, with a temporary sizing bar so that we could use it for the weekend to show family and friends. I wore it for one day and a stone fell out....needless to say, I was furious.

The second time, they sized it to a 5.5 and applied little sizing beads....still, does NOT fit. The ring is huge, it spins around on my finger, and if I shake my hand hard enough it flies off.
My fiancé and I are moving in one week and don't have the time to deal with these idiotic jewelers. I want to take it back and get a full refund because I feel like we rushed into buying this ring and it has been a nightmare and I can't even wear it.

I would like advice from any active women who work with their hands a lot.....any recommendations on styles/designers. What do you think about getting a nice band without any stones...and instead using the money toward something that we can both enjoy together??

Re: Hate my ring...

  • I don't know anything about smaller rings as far as sizing because mine was sized from a 7 to a 6 and that worked out fine. 

    Anyway, I think there is a difference between not liking the ring and being frustrated with the issues you are having with it.  I think the latter is a bigger issue at hand, and I'm sure the other ladies have better advice about that than I could offer.

    But, supposing you end up returning it and getting a different ring, you could try a bezel setting.  That's what mine is.  I didn't think that I would like that setting but when my Fi showed me a picture of it on his phone (he said that one of his friends was getting ready to propose and wanted his opinion - I had no idea that he was actually wanting MY opinion about a ring for ME), I loved it.  There's one diamond in the middle, then two little band markings on each side, and then 3 other diamonds on each side and I love that it's beautiful, yet simple.  II also like the idea of it.  I don't have to worry with prongs and such.  I haven't had it long enough to know if I'll have issues with anything getting up under it (but I hope not - I'm being really careful about what I do with my hands while I'm wearing it).  Anyway, the reason I like it so much is because I feel 'safer' with the diamond than I would with one with prongs.  I am a very accident-prone, clumsy person, so this setting is a good fit for me.  So if you get a new one, maybe you would want to look into a bezel setting.

    This particular ring isn't like mine much, but you can get a good idea of the setting in this picture. 
    http://www.amazon.com/Diamond-Engagement-Diamonds-Setting-Available/dp/B003GKA5WO
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  • I'm sorry that you're having so many problems.  I'm a veterinary student and so I always have my hands in and out of gloves, etc. and my FI (very sagely) picked out a ring with channel set stones.  If you're worried about stones falling out but you want something other than a plain band, perhaps you can find a filigree band or something with more decoration.  Good luck!
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  • Sorry it doesn't fit. Take it back to the jewelry store & tell them it doesn't fit. See what they can do & if they can fix that particular ring. If not see if they will give you a discount on another ring because of all the trouble.

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  • PandaBurrPandaBurr member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited September 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hate-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:0ea18462-0e18-46c6-8fcf-ad795fcf65b0Post:647ceb80-77f3-42f2-ae5e-ed338bda2ff4">Re: Hate my ring...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel a burning coming on.  Justsnowboarding I know you're new but just a warning... the ladies on this board do not take disliking your engagement well.  So don't be offended if you get some flack.  With that said to me it seems like you dislike the fit of the engagement ring not the style. Try getting a ring snuggie.  They're pretty cheap and slip on and off easily.  You can buy them at Claire's.
    Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

    I don't speak for everybody, but I personally only voice my opinions when someone is being a brat about "zomg, he didn't spend enough". These are all legitimate concerns about her ring, ones that reflect her active lifestyle, so there's no reason for her to get flamed.

    Anyway, I think you should return it and tell them to piss off. They shouldn't have given you the size 7 ring to begin with, IMO, before they gave you the size 5 that didn't fit. This makes it seem like they're not really concerned about their customers.

    Have you heard of rings that open and lock, for people with big knuckles? Although, I've read that the Superfit ones suck, and fail very quickly. I don't know any other companies that do it, but you can probably find something on the Pricescope forums about it.

    You could try something like a low profile three stone bezel setting, so there's no prongs for stuff to get caught on. Something like this: (Sorry, I can't get theknot pic uploader to work for some reason)

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    <a rel="nofollow" href="http://i56.tinypic.com/2tljq.jpg">http://i56.tinypic.com/2tljq.jpg</a>
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  • Pave style rings have a tendency for the diamonds to fall out.  They're not set very well, it's just the way those rings are.  Since your in construction I would stay away from pave or eternity bands.

    As for returning your ring, I don't know if they'll refund you all or partial or even take it back since it was sized.  That's something you'll have to take up with the jeweler.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hate-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:0ea18462-0e18-46c6-8fcf-ad795fcf65b0Post:647ceb80-77f3-42f2-ae5e-ed338bda2ff4">Re: Hate my ring...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel a burning coming on.  Justsnowboarding I know you're new but just a warning... the ladies on this board do not take disliking your engagement well.  So don't be offended if you get some flack.  With that said to me it seems like you dislike the fit of the engagement ring not the style. Try getting a ring snuggie.  They're pretty cheap and slip on and off easily.  You can buy them at Claire's.
    Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

    I don't think you should speak for everyone...she isn't complaining about ZOMG he didn't get me the 2K ring I wanted....he didn't propose the way I wanted him too...

    She is having a problem with the sizing she loves her ring but trying to figure out how to make it smaller...

    OP - is it because of the design they cann't make it 5.5?  My ring is 4.5 so I am not sure why it can't go smaller.  What <a href="http://community.theknot.com/cs/ks/user/default.aspx?membershipid=7432833407216116&plckUserId=7432833407216116" target="_blank" class="username_knot">redheadfsu </a>is spot on....worst case see if you can get a discount on another ring if they cannot make it the size you need it to be.
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  • Hi--I'm a 3.75 ring size, so getting it just right was a priority, cause rings never fit me. The problem with micropave is that it cannot be resized much (and ideally not at all) cause, as some have pointed out, the stones are then not set as well, and tend to fall out. They are also not as secure if a ring is resized because the shape of the band becomes different (more ellipitcal than round) so the stones cannot hold. Pave is delicate--go for a solid band (always a classic) or bezel-set as someone points out. I have also seen bands with inset diamonds flanked by two bands of metal. Go for platinum as well--a must with micropave to hold the stones properly, but also more durable and more maintenance-free overall
  • Also--if you picked out the ring together, why was your size so off? Did the store make a mistake?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hate-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:0ea18462-0e18-46c6-8fcf-ad795fcf65b0Post:4a15a72c-bfec-445e-963f-52e74cff032c">Re: Hate my ring...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Its their job to make you the right size ring from the start. Give it back and get another jeweler that is actually interested in helping you.
    Posted by mcornelissen[/QUOTE]
    This.

    You've given this jewler <em>your </em>business and <em>your </em>money. It is their job to get you a ring that fits. If they can't or won't do that, find someone who will. This is one of the most important pieces of jewlery you will ever buy (your wedding band being the other), if you aren't happy, you shouldn't feel obligated to keep it. Good luck! I hope you find something that works for you!

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  • Go for a band with engraving to fancy it up. I looked at a lot of engraved bands when I thought I would get one as a wedding band (didn't end up with one, but I still think they're pretty) and you don't have to worry about losing stones.
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  • [QUOTE]I feel a burning coming on.  Justsnowboarding I know you're new but just a warning... the ladies on this board do not take disliking your engagement well.  So don't be offended if you get some flack.  With that said to me it seems like you dislike the fit of the engagement ring not the style. Try getting a ring snuggie.  They're pretty cheap and slip on and off easily.  You can buy them at Claire's.
    Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]
    Generally that's true, but not in a case like this - most people here can read between the lines to "I hate that it's been like pulling teeth to get my ring sized properly".

    I've never heard of a ring snuggie! Interesting. Do they just kind of snap to the inside of the band, or do they stay completely separate from it?
  • Ring snuggies can also be found at walmart in the jewlery section. It comes in a little blue and clear package. It has an assortment of different snuggies in it. I used one until we took my ring in to get resized.

    Yes take it back! They did not do what they were unable to give you a ring that fit properly. I also have thin fingers and larger knuckles so My ring is a tad loose from time to time but tends to stay put for the most part. It never slides (or flies) off my finger though!

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hate-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:0ea18462-0e18-46c6-8fcf-ad795fcf65b0Post:da9e5b91-7e09-4db7-9c8b-cfc20b1afc95">Re: Hate my ring...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Besides it's diamonds, not much that can hurt that!
    Posted by Solo1018[/QUOTE]

    This is actually not true. Yes, diamonds can resist scratching pretty well, but they're not indestructible. They actually chip and break fairly easily. The girdle of the diamond is thin, so it is susceptible to chipping more so than the rest of the stone. As for breaking, diamonds are actually very brittle, and if you hit them just right they will shatter. It could be something as small as dropping it in the sink. So, I personally wouldn't wear my jewelry while doing anything strenuous.
  • SmallSailsSmallSails member
    10 Comments
    edited September 2010
    Yeah, I went through hell and back with my jewerly store and ended up having to get my ring looked after somewhere else that could be more trusted. Having small fingers, the original jewler just resized my ring by 4 sizes! Big no no apparently as the tension makes the diamond pop out. I ended up gettting a local jewler I could trust to set a mold of my actual size (a 4). It was about an extra $700 but I couldn't handle getting so upset and frustrated anymore when it's supposed to be a happy time.

    Being fairly active too, I ended up getting a solitaire sitting very low in the setting, like almost actually in the band but not quite. I love it! This is my before and after bands... diamond fell out of the first due to all the rediculous resizing. If you're really set on your style of ring, maybe go back to the store one last time and ask why they just can't order your actual size from the maker, rather than the constant resizing. Otherwise, just cut your losses and go somewhere more trustworthy. I always liked the gyspy cut style rings but I had to learn early that they just don't stand up well to active, everyday wear. It sucks but maybe down the road you can get a pave for an aniversary gift that you won't wear everyday?! Good luck!



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  • is your ring a brand name ring? is it white gold? i ask because i have 3 friends who have pave rings and i have one myself. two of my friends have white gold off-brand rings they just bought through the jewelry store. my other friend and i both have palladium scott kay rings. both of my friends with the generic white gold rings have had many, many stones fall out. my other friend and i have not lost a single stone so far. my wedding band is completely covered in pave diamonds and my engagement ring has a lot of them, too (pic below.) i truly thing the palladium makes all the difference. i've had the e-ring for 2.5 yrs and the wedding band for 1.5 yrs. as far as your sizing goes, it does not sound ideal for pave. :( but your jewelry store needs to provide you with a ring that fits you!


  • i would take it back. mine was size down to a 4.5 no problem and am probably going to take it back to get it size to a 4 because it's still a bit to loose. The people gave my fiance a weird look and double checked to make sure he really did want a 4.5 (he got it sized before he gave it to me) but had no problem sizing it for him.
  • My ring is a size 4 with a pave band, but I do know that micropave is even harder to size.  Luckily, I haven't had any problems with mine, but I do know a few friends that have had trouble with micropave settings, either losing a diamond or having a diamond sink into their band.  My best advice is to either go to another jeweler to see if it can be resized smaller, since your current jeweler isn't helpful at all, and if it can't be sized small enough, to go back to your current jewerler and get a refund and purchase a different ring at a different jeweler.  My setting is all pave diamonds and sits up very high; however, I'm in medical school and have to wear gloves a lot, so I'm planning on just getting a low setting wedding band that I can wear alone on days when I can't wear my entire set, even though I LOVE it.  Maybe you could do something like that or buy a more resilient engagement ring.  Hope this helps!
  • Take it back!  Move on!  My fiance proposed while we were in Montana a couple weeks ago.  He had no ring.  While topping in Hayden Montana we purchased a ring for $12 at the 50,000 Silver dollar Saloon.  3 counter people were singing and eating in the background to the country music in the bar.  I am not country, but I still enjoyed the wierdness of it. The setting wrapped to the top of the faux diamond and then on the bottom.  It had a very low surface.  It was very different and everyone thought it was real.  It didn't catch on anything.

    Then we got a new real ring, when we got back to Seattle.  It was a size 7 and too big for me, but it took 6 weeks to resize and it is a 1 carat that mounts high, but it doesn't really catch on things.  I went into Ben Bridge after it was twisting around my finger and they put this bar in the back.  For free.  I didn't even get it there.

    Looking back I was very anxious to have a ring on my finger.  I am very happy with my new ring.  I was wondering if you just considered taking your time finding a ring as you have some requirements that need to be met.  Once I saw a gold band that had etchings in it, so it sparkled like diamonds.  Real deep cuts and you had to look close to see that there weren't diamonds, as it was cut so well.

    Bon champs, and do what makes you happy.  That sounds very frustrating.
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  • I feel your pain. I am an Automotive collision tech. I wanted a nice ring that I could wear daily without it getting in the way. But I wanted it to look feminie. I chose a ring that has some intricate cut outs but no stones. It does have some sparkle to it because of the way the gold is cut. I think it's called "edwardian style." It can be resized easily and does not look bad with a "snuggie" on it.

    Besides being beautiful, this ring was extremely affordable as well!! It cost a little over $100. So you can basically have your cake and eat it too by going stoneless!!

  • Take it back.  This is the ring you will look at every day for the rest of your life--it needs to be perfect to you.  My fiance and I had a very specific design in mind and were able to find a jeweler who customized a ring for us.  They took at blank ring and tailored the details to our specifications.  Much cheaper than a custom ring which needs to be cast just for you.  AND as they worked with us, they were careful to find a ring that could easily be sized down to my 5 1/4 size.  I would say find a more helpful jeweler and get the ring you want.

  • I say take it back and get something you love and will want to wear. I didn't want any stones and only want to wear one ring so I found a vintage band that I LOVE.
  • Get your money back and go to a different jeweler!! There's no reason why they shouldn't be able to make it the right size. When we picked out mine it was at least a 6 or 7 and they sized it to a 3 1/4 for me...no sizing beads. If you really love that ring and don't mind spending a little extra, take it to a different jewler to have it sized.

    Also, you can get ring insurance (and should if it's expensive) which covers if you lose a stone.
  • I totally know how you feel.  I have tiny fingers so all the rings I looked at were similar it sounds like to your ring.  I wanted a ring with a bigger center setting but FI didnt like it.  I am glad he got the ring he did b/c even with sizing mine still spins! my nuckles are also much bigger than my fingers so they suggested the balls to me as well but I decided not against them.  If you can return the ring, go to a reputable jeweler. They should be able to go as small as you want.  My friend has a size 4 ring (from Jared). Instead of doing no stone, look at rings with deep set stones.  My sister has a Tiffany ring with staggered flush set stones & her FI has a ring with a center stone but it is basiclly flush as well.  She is a personal trainer so she wanted something that wouldnt get beat up or pop out.  They make really beautiful rings that are durable & comfortable.  I dont know your budget,but thought both their rings were very reasonable with the smaller stones they chose....just a suggestion. Also, thicker bands that are tappered at the bottom fit better.  I have a pre engagement ring I NEVER take off like that.  I get compliments on it everyday! Its a "right hand ring".  Hope that helps
  • I understand where you're coming from!  I'm an art teacher so I work with my hands all day long.  My fiance picked out and bought my engagement ring and to keep it clean if I'm doing something messy I put it on a chain around my neck and slip it to just inside my shirt so I don't get clay/paint/dough/etc get on it.  Also, when we picked out my wedding band we bought a simple band that has 7 small diamonds close together on a slim band.  It'd be something that would be easy for the jeweler to size for you.  I got my rings from Zales and after they were both sized they fit like a glove.  I couldn't be happier with the fit and how snug it is.  Though now that I've lost some weight I may have to have them resized, but it's worth it.  Try there and see what you can find.  My band was from one of their outlet stores and we got it extremely inexpensive because they were giving everyone 40% off the day we happened to walk in to just look.  Good luck and I hope you find something you're happier with!
  • My problem was the complete opposite... I have really large fingers and here in South Africa they apparently only cater for tiny fingers... every jewellery store we went to would've had to remake the ring because my finger is 26 sizes bigger than their biggest ring.  We ended up calling a jewellery designer who designed and made the ring to our exact specifications and it is a perfect fit.

    I hope you get yours sorted!
  • Hi snowboardin. We just went to get me a new ring and the smallest it could go without "compromising the diamonds" was a 6 and I wear a 5.5. I loved the jewelers and she recommended a "horseshoe". It is made out of gold so it isn't too cheap compared to something else that helps this issue (mine was $120) but she said that it is not visible unless you take off your ring and it is the best option. Good luck!
  • I'd say take it back and find someone more reputable! I've only heard bad things about sizing beads. :/
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