Date setting and such

TheLordsCanary

Hi!

I am just curious to know how everyone went about setting a date. I know everyone says it's the FIRST thing you do when you get engaged, but my fiance and I will be finishing up school before our wedding so it is still a good three years away (we're seniors in college and going for graduate degrees). Even so, for the moment I like to just gather ideas so I have some stored up for when I need them.

Also, how should we approach my parents when the time comes to set a date? My fiance approached them to ask for their permission to propose; do we do the same for the date-setting? Do I talk to my parents myself? Do we talk to them together? Could we choose any one of these options?

His parents are extremely laid-back and much easier to talk to than mine, which is why I don't mention his side.

Thanks in advance!

embracejoy

I don't know why you'd need to involve your parents in setting a date? When my FH and I set ours, we announced the date at dinner with his family, and then at a family gathering with mine.  It was important to us to announce it together with our families present, but we didn't ask anyone's opinion of the date itself, really.

For us, setting the date was like, the fifth thing we did after getting engaged.. the first was deciding we wanted a destination wedding in Hawaii, then I bought my dress, then we set a date in 2011, then we booked our coordinator and officiant, then we found a cake baker we liked, and then, 5 months before the date we are actually getting married on, we finally set the actual date!

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to planning your wedding.  Keep in mind, that we are having a SUPER laid back beach wedding, so your experience may be totally different than ours.  But there is a lot you can do (choosing your dress, rings, cake, etc.) before setting the date.

future-mrs

When it's time, sit down with your family and let them know what you are thinking.  Then go from there.

jagore08

If you're not planning on getting married until after you've both graduated then I wouldn't set a date for another year or so.  Until that time comes, think about what type of wedding your two would like to have.  Think about the time of year.  If you are both working on limited budgets then think about having it in the "off season" (Spring and Summer are usually considered the wedding season).

As for your parents, there's no need to involve them in setting the date unless you really want them to be.  Set the date and then sit down with both sets and let them know.

quotequeen

Setting a date doesn't need to be a big formal thing with your parents.  I just emailed all of our immediate family and told them the general time period we were thinking of, and asked them to let me know of any conflicts they already knew about.  I only did this because my mom works at a school where there are certain weekends she always has to work that it would be a problem to miss, and my dad goes on a lot of conferences that are sometimes scheduled way in advance.

JadziaDax

If you have a while until you graduate and don't plan on getting married for another few years, you can just pick a season or month to have an idea- budgetwise.
When I picked a date, I knew I wanted to be finished with graduate school and I knew I wanted to have a wedding during one of the cooler months.
I graduate the end of 2011, didn't want a January wedding and didn't want to choose March due to lent. I was left with February. I also wanted to take into account the superbowl, pro-bowl or any other holidays- it actually took me longer to choose a date than expected.
Sit down and talk to your FI about what you both want and what is convenient for you budgetwise. Don't worry too much about your family- you can always tell them after you choose a date. I don't think it's that big of a deal since you are giving everyone notice.

meganyani

It definitely wasn't the first time we did! We got engaged last September and FI picked the date this past Jan/Feb (cant remember). Before he even proposed, he did ask what my favorite season was: fall. So he knew that...and then one day he said "so how does 10-10-10 sound? I want an easy day so I can remember the anniversary."

Works for me!

I don't think you need to involve your parents either since it is you guys' day. There isn't any certain way to pick it. I say let discuss your preferences and choose something not on a friend/relative's birthday

HobokensFury

FI and I wanted to wait until his first year of teaching is over and he was finished with his certification process.  That left us with any date after July 1, 2011.  My favorite holiday has always been Saint Patrick's day and when we found out it was a Saturday in 2012 it was the perfect date!

ldybug252000

I wouldnt think that your parents should really have anything to do with the date.. it should be a date that you two decide.

MrsM13

I'm flipping out on the same subject. We are planning on waiting to finish up degrees (3-4 years from now!!!) and I have no idea how to gauge this timeline as far as planning goes. All we know is that we want a summer wedding so for right now I have no idea if we even need to start planning!