How to bring up the budget?

NicMag04

Fiance and I got engaged May 18th and are just beginning planning for our wedding November 9, 2013.  While we know we have a long way to go, we need to start saving now in order to have the wedding we envisioned. 

My parents have already told us that they will be giving us X amount of money for the wedding, as well as paying for my dress among other things (I'm the last of 4 kids to get married, so they pretty much have this wedding thing down). 
My fiance's family on the other hand has not brought up the amount they would be willing to contribute.  They had said they would be able to help, but never even a ballpark figure.  Fiance and I are paying for the remainder of the wedding ourselves so we would like to begin making a plan for saving our portion. 

I should also say that neither family is "strapped" for cash, because I dont want this to seem like I'm trying to get them to talk about something they'd be uncomfortable with or that would put strain on them.  I'd just like to know what we are working with, and I'm not sure if its appropriate to come right out and ask.

I guess my question is, is there a polite way for him to ask his family to start thinking about how much they're willing to give.  They don't have to contribute at all, I know, but they said they would and I'd like to get our budget/savings in order so that we know how much to spend on the early stuff (venue, church. etc.) Help!

dewingedpixie

It is not polite to ask his family for money. Assume that the wedding will be paid for by you and your fiance and base your budget off of that.

[Deleted User]

assume that they are not going to help. If they bring it up again, you can let them know that it's sweet of them to contribute and use whatever money they're willing to contribute as a 'backup' of sorts or for the Honeymoon...If it's time to start planning, start planning as if you and your Fiance will be responsible for whatever the rest of the amount is that your parents aren't contributing.

Good luck and happy planning!

GoodLuckBear14

Budget based on what you and your FI can afford.  Do not count any money from your parents until it is sitting in your bank account or their signatures are on the contracts they are paying.

kmmssg

IF they have said they would help there is nothing wrong with your FI asking what they have in mind.  It is wrong if they haven't mentioned it, but since they have there is nothing wrong in asking what their intentions are.

Last DD to get married went through this.  She married an only child and his parents had no idea how early vendors needed to be booked and plans arranged.  THEY OFFERED to help but that was the end of the conversation.  DD and I talked about it because we were either contracting vendors based on what we were contributing or we were going to be planning based on what they wanted to contribute.

Turns out they had planned on paying for about 1/3 of the wedding!  They just had no clue that the kids needed to know what their intentions were so plans could be finalized.

Again, if they have OFFERED, there is nothing wrong with your FI asking for clarification.  If they haven't offered, don't ask.

cfarmer2

We were in the same situation and are getting married in August 2013. My fiance's family wanted to contribute but it wasn't clear to what extent so my fiance just asked, mentioning that we were already looking at vendors, and reassured them that they did not have to help at all, but if they did it would be helpful to know. They were not offended at all and had even had something in mind. Both of our parents were married in December (mine eloped) so neither are quite accustomed to how much more ahead of time planning goes into weddings for the peak summer season in the northeast. 

If you and your fiance are polite and have good relationships with them, then it might not be rude to ask.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_how-to-bring-up-the-budget?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:19fabc6d-8f4d-499f-8646-ecf86caba33aPost:b79a9ef3-6d03-4c9f-8017-82301e1d4b00">Re: How to bring up the budget?</a>:
[QUOTE]We were in the same situation and are getting married in August 2013. My fiance's family wanted to contribute but it wasn't clear to what extent so my fiance just asked, mentioning that we were already looking at vendors, and reassured them that they did not have to help at all, but if they did it would be helpful to know. They were not offended at all and had even had something in mind. Both of our parents were married in December (mine eloped) so neither are quite accustomed to how much more ahead of time planning goes into weddings for the peak summer season in the northeast.  If you and your fiance are polite and have good relationships with them, then it might not be rude to ask.
Posted by cfarmer2[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. Congratulations on getting engaged, I myself got engaged just the day before you and my fiancé and I are getting married Oct. 11th, 2013! It's so exciting, isn't it? I, too, posted about this and was told NOT to ask EVER. I didn't really find that helpful as I KNOW that it sounds bad to ask, but you DO need to know how much so you can set a budget if they have offered. If they don't offer one up fairly quickly, make plans without them and you can always add stuff later if they decide to add to your budget. My FI and I just told my parents we were trying to figure out how to budget everything and they offered a figure without being asked. My FI's parents are taking care of the rehearsal dinner. 

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