Just Engaged and Proposals

2 Year Engagement!

Hey Ladies,

Well, i just got engaged this past weekend. After a long talk with my parents, they want me to have a 2 year engagement. My question is.... Is that too long of an engagement? When should I truly start planning, when should be the engagment party, I am just clueless on all of this! I am excited about getting married but I feel likeI cant do anything!

Someone please help!

Re: 2 Year Engagement!

  • Two years is not too long! By the time I get married, me and the fiance will have been engaged a little over 2 years and together total for 7 years! We are having the long engagement so we can graduate college. Having a long engagement just depends on your circumstances. Waiting until spring 2012 is hard, but it's not easy to do what's best!

    Since you do have to wait so long, go ahead and have an engagement party to celebrate! You can also put an engagement anouncment in your local newspaper. You can really start planning roughly at the one year mark.
    March 3, 2012
  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    edited February 2010
    2 years is a long ass time. My engagement has been just over a year and thank goodness the wedding is next week or I might pull my hair out.

    Why are you letting your parents dictate the length of your engagement? That should be your decision. Also you do not throw your own engagement party but if someone would like to throw one FOR you (which is not necessary because not everyone has one), then it is typically done within the first few months after you get engaged.
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  • FI and I will be engaged a little over 2 years by the time we get married, we both agreed and I don't want to rush planning a wedding I want it to be a fun experience not stressful Some people act shocked after I tell them when we plan on getting married, but I don't see anything wrong with it. I think you should discuss it with your FI not your mom unless shes paying for it.
  • We will be engaged for 22 months by our wedding.  I've had NO stress in the planning process since I've had so much time to take care of everything.  And the best part:  after his and my family's contributions to the wedding, we'll be paying our part in cash... the benefit of a longer engagement is a debt free wedding.
  • I'm having an engagement of almost 2 years and so far I really like it. I've began my planning process, but I don't feel rushed or pressured to get everything done all at once. I already feel like the last 5 months have flown by and that the wedding will be here before I know it!

    Of course, that is just me. If you feel like you want to get married sooner, can afford it, and it works for you, then do what you want to do! If the parents are paying for the wedding, that might complicate things a little bit. Either way, congrats on your engagement!
  • Our engagement has been almost 2 years long. I started looking at ideas and places almost as soon as we got engaged. I mostly just relaxed for the first year and started getting really into planning about a year out.
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  • Your parents don't get to choose how long your engagement should be. You and FI are adults, you decide when you want to get married.

    The only reason I could understand consulting your parents is if they've offered to pay for the wedding and don't want to have to deal with those expenses for a while, at which point you decide whether you'd rather be on their schedule and get the money or pay for things yourselves and get married sooner.
  • I agree that your parents shouldn't really be telling you how long your engagement should be...

    But, I will have been engaged 26 months by the time we get married.  It's just how it worked out.  Honestly, I'm happy to have a long engagement.  I found that being engaged was different than living together and I've appreciated the adjustment period.  It's also given me time to focus on the marriage as opposed to the wedding. 

    In the end, though, you have to do what is right for you.
  • we have  over a 2 year engagement. It's so frustrating because it still seems so far away. (1.5 years to go).  May I ask why your parents are picking your date and not you and your fiance?
  • edited February 2010
    Our engagement is 3 years, and we picked this because it would give use the most time to save money for the wedding we want, and get a chance to start our life together before we get married (we were both 20 when we got engaged).  With three years we will have enough time to do what we really want and have fun planning the wedding and not stressing out about it.  So far it has been great, because we can plan at our own pace, working around his school and my work.  Two years is definitely not to long! Congratulations!
  • 2 years is a long time. Unless your parents are asking you to have a 2 year engagement for a valid reason, I wouldn't do it. I'm having a 16 month engagement, I've been engaged for over a month, and I already want to elope. On the flip side, you will have the pick of vendors right now. Our number 1 issue is a venue and our top choice is booked through September 2011.

    Good luck!
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  • 2 years is definitely not too long! One of my best friends got engaged in July 2008 and is getting married this May.

    Her engagement party was October/November of 2008. It helped to make her excited about the wedding even though it wasn't going to be for a while.

    She didn't start planning right away, but started getting wedding magazines and went to bridal shoes to get an idea of what she was going to want. Then when they were a little more than a year out, they started making concrete plans and really picked up the planning, dress search, etc.

    She didn't ask her BMs until Mayish of 2009 just in case there was a fallout with one of her potential BMs.
  • Why are your parents dictating the length of the engagement?  Are they paying for the wedding?  There isn't a set time for engagement.  Mine will be just over a year.  I personally wouldn't want to wait 2 years.  And I wouldn't let my parents set a schedule for me.  I am a grown woman.
  • Two years isn't too long if that's how long you and your FI want it to be. You could start planning the basics like budget, the size of your guest list and overall vision now. But I would hold off booking anything right away. These articles might help you get started.

    Setting a Date
    http://www.soulfulengagements.com/1/post/2009/11/setting-your-date.html

    Budget
    http://www.soulfulengagements.com/1/post/2009/11/your-budget.html

    Guest List
    http://www.soulfulengagements.com/1/post/2009/11/your-guest-list.html

    Checklist
    http://www.soulfulengagements.com/1/post/2009/11/your-checklist.html
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's up to you.  If your parents are saying 2 years, does that mean that they will pay if they have that long?  If that's the case, then you need to decide whether or not you need the money. 

    If you do decide to wait two years, you can start with the budget and guest list right off the bat, and collect ideas.  Aim to book the venue by the 1 year mark, and work from there. 
  • I am having a 2 year engagement. I feel that it is better because you aren't rushing around trying to do things. You can take your time, and decide what it is you want.

    2 years is perfect.

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  • I agree with pp's in that it isn't your parents decision in how long your engagement needs to be.. however i am having a 2 year engagement and i thought it was the perfect decision for us. the first year of being engaged was so fun just because we could enjoy being engaged without having pressures of the wedding.. its also nice because i've spent alot of time shopping around for the best deals which has saved us a ton of money. i think you should do what is best for you and your fiance. but i say whats the rush? enjoy it!
  • 2 years is not too long and it is not too short. There is no limit on engagement time.

    Did your parents ask you to wait because you have not graduated college yet?
    Did they ask you to wait because you have only been dating a few months, two years?
    Them asking you to wait means that they are not okay with you getting married ASAP.
  • I'm having a 2.5 year engagment, my family also asked us to not get married right away for money reasons; they really want to pay for it and need time to get the money together.

    I agree with the PP, why rush it? You're going to be married the rest of your lives, might as well take more time to focus on the marriage and not just the wedding.
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  • It really, really depends on the situation.  Our engagement is going to be 22 months total.  Would I have chosen a shorter engagement?  Absolutely, but we're paying for 90% of the wedding, and don't have the highest paying jobs ever.  We needed the time to save up for everything. 

    Still, it really hasn't been that bad, and I would recommend it.  I'm guessing you're pretty young, if your parents asked you for a 2 year engagement.  ARe you still in school?  Waiting really is a good idea, if you are.  Also, you may not have a choice about waiting, school or otherwise, if they are helping to pay for the wedding.  If you want it shorter, you may have to pay for it yourselves. 
  • Well first, your parents don't get to dictate how long you're engaged.  That's silly.

    Second, your engagement can be as long as you want.  But I agree with salt, two years is a long ass time.  We were engaged a year and a half and I was stressing because it was so long.  I think a year is perfect.

    If you're going to be engaged for two years though, it's not necessary to plan anything until you're a year out.  And DON'T pick your wedding party early.  It will bite you in the ass, ask anyone on the WP board.
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  • We've been engaged for a year now and still have 4 months to go and we are both "so over it". It gets so stressful and we really wish we had decided on a shorter engagement. It would have been wonderful to have had the wedding already and not still be waiting another 4  months. I think a year would have been a perfect amount of time. Do what you and your FI want and not your parents. This is your wedding and you guys should decide when it'll be. HTH!
  • That depends.  My fiance and I are 21 and 20, respectively, an when he proposed we were 19.  Our engagement will be about 2 years, 3 months.  We didn't do any real planning the first year, because we had just moved in with eachother and we were just enjoying being engaged.  2 months into the second year, we bought a house and focused on that.  Now that we are a little over 10 months out, we are planning and I am getting ANXIOUS.  It has taken a bit of a toll on my free time, but being in school full time we knew it wouldn't be breezy.

    So, in my case we could have been engaged for longer, but then the planning bug hit and I am going a little crazy.  Do what works for you, and try your hardest to be patient if you have other things going on in your life.
  • I dont think 2 years is too long, my engagement will be a little over two years. My FI is leaving to Afghan and he wont be back till a year later, right now i am taking my time and picking out stuff. I want to book everything around a year to 9 months in advance i dont want to deal with settling for something due to short notice..

    I think you should do whatever you feel is right, and graduating from college first is a good priority, not too mention the last thing you want is to be stressed over finals and your wedding at the same time. good luck
  • 2 years isnt too long at all.  We just got engaged 2 weeks ago and we're planning a June 2011 wedding, so about a year and a half, and it is really stressful already.  We originally we're going to have it just over 2 years but decided to move it up a bit.  Having a 2 year engagement will allow you to have your pick of the best places and vendors without feeling too rushed, there are already places booked for next year in june that we no longer have the choice of looking into.  The longer amount of time will also allow you to save up money and simply take a way a lot of your stress, unless your heart is set on a date, wait if you can
  • It all depends on you two.
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