Engaged and upset/cryingeveryday

MeganRusticBarn

I need some help. We got engaged over New Years eve after spending the last 10 years together. Yes 10 years. Over this time, we have always talked about how we wanted a smaller wedding thats more detailed with things we like (rustic, vintage, and brewery feel). The problem is that our wedding list that was suppose to be small is anything but that. My mom has 10 brothers and sisters, each having four to five children. Alone on my mothers side is 70 people. My hubby to be was going to cut his family side in half to still cut costs and problems. But then after thinking about it, he shouldnt have to only have a couple people when my side alone will be around 150. The problem is that we are now around 251 on our wedding list.
THis is fine and all, but the reception places we are looking at all hold around 180 max. My mother insists we invite her entire side, and now my boyfriend feels his entire family needs to be invited as well, since my mom is not cutting anyone.
Plus, my parents seem to lack what everything costs, the more people you have, the more pricey things will be.
Since being engaged I have cried everynight. I cant find a venue that will hold everyone that is not to expensive, and keep the cost down. I will not resort to wedding halls, hotel confrence rooms, etc. The rustic feel look that I wanted all my life is quickly turning into a nitemare.
I dont even want to plan anymore. My ideas are cut off short by my mom on the phone, she only wants to know $$.
At this point, I almost want to elope to save on all the drama. Which is sad, after being with someone for the last 10 years, you think you would want to celebrate infront of everyone.

Do you think its rude to not invite some of my moms side. All the older cousins did invite us to theirs, but since our family is so big every single wedding reception has been in a hall, or a hotel room. This is something i am not interested in at all!!
please help. If it was me i would just get married alone and have no more drama. My mom is not being nice on the phone, and has an attitude with me since we engaged.

K Everdeen12

It depends on your family.  My mom is the youngest of 10 kids, and the only way to do it in my family is invite all or none.  We are all really close (4 of my cousins are my bridesmaids), with the exception of two of my mom's siblings - one of whom will be invited anyway (along with my cousins I don't know and their SOs).  With my FI's family, his "must have" invite list includes his parents' cousins and their adult children.  It's what is done in HIS family.  Obviously we can make whatever choice we want, but erring on the side of not offended people we're related to seems like the best option.  Yes it means a bigger wedding and more costs, but it was either this or a very, very small wedding with just our parents and siblings.  

thejucheidea

I already said this on your other post about your mom inviting everyone, but it's okay to invite in circles -- my fiance's mom made the executive decision with his dad's family because there are simply too many, so she's inviting aunts only with no cousins. Sometimes budgets just don't allow everyone to be invited, especially when families are absolutely massive.

MeganRusticBarn

Thanks for responding ladies! Yes my parents are paying for mostly the entire wedding, besides the booze and rehearsal dinner and dress. Yes, it has only been 8 days, probably the most stressful days of my life. My hubby to be told me the same thing, to calm down and enjoy the next couple of months. We are touring the venue this weeknd, and of yesterday both of us agreed to get married at a later time, (May 2014) so we dont stress out too much and I can focus on my last three months of school before I graduate.
Do you think its ok to change and wait until the following year? I just feel like I will be rushed to get everything together in 6 months, and seeing how I stressed out the past few days, I can only imagine how I would be if our wedding is this may!!! My parents are also wondering why we did the switch. This way everyone can save $$, and I can start to just enjoy the next few months. Am i doing the right thing?????

elholik

Megan, honey, calm down. Remember that it is your wedding. You pick the date. 6 months is crazy fast. Waiting until next year is a good thing. I just got engaged myself before Xmas, and we are waiting til 2014 as well. Good decision. Most places you need to book far in advance, so you are doing yourself a major favor.

gymbugmj2k

I got engaged in August 2010, and got married August 2012. Best decision we ever made.

2 years let me pick out the PERFECT everything, while having the time to enjoy the process and not rush decisions.  (not to mention some of our vendors were booking 2 years in advance anyway!)

as far as the size of the wedding....yeah, that part is going to suck.  my husband wanted a small wedding since his family is tiny, but my family is italian, greek and huge. (we literally had a 'my big fat greek wedding'....but the italian version!).  It was larger and more expensive than we might've planned for ourselves...but parent's paid, and to be honest -- it was SO MUCH FUN.

the venue thing will be tough, but remember that there will be some RSVP 'no's' that come in.  if you invite 270 and the hall holds 250, you might be ok.  we ran into size issues too and ended up paying a bit more to have it in a venue that fit the theme and size constraints.  truthfully, you might have to look for a very simple ballroom that you can turn into a more rustic space with decor.

jcg23

As the others have said RELAX, I've been engaged since October and we aren't getting married until june of 2014 (although it says sooner the month was moved even later). It will only help you to relax. 6 months isn't anything in wedding planning time. It's like a cat year compared to a human year (wedding time is cat year lol) But I am taking time and picking out exactly what I want. You need not feel pressure and if your mom is paying for almost everything I'd let her choose the list unless it makes you very uncomfortable, then either try to comprimise with her OR refuse her help and pay for it yourself if she isn't willing to comprimise, but keep in mind if your FI wants all his side of the family there will you be able to afford it and who will you take off your list if you could? I would talk about that before refusing the money from your mom should you do so, because you may come to find out you can't afford to do it on your own. But the guest list is the worst thing for most people it is the least fun about planning. But there are ways to make it easier, first off if you are this upset about it you should make people aware (ie your mother and FI) it may help take the pressure off if they know how upset you are. Because they may not realize the pressure they are putting on you.