Gosh, I don't even know where to start. First, I don't want to come off as a downer, so if you want to read the forum for light conversation, just leave this post.
Maybe I should vent first....I absolutely resent my fiance. We have nothing in common, besides race, but even then, we are different (I feel I need to be vague). I am also a huge, pathetic pushover who basically felt forced into my engagement. Sometimes, I feel like I am a big prop for her and her family. Over our 1.5 year courtship, I feel I have lost all sense of self. If it were up to her, I would not have any of my friends or family in my life.
To make matters worse, her mom is dealing with an ailment that will limit her time on earth. Her family wants to rush a a wedding through so that she will be around to see it. This relationship has trainwreck written all over it.
I believe I am a good person. I live a moral life, would never cheat, treat people with dignity. At least on paper, I am very successful, academically and financially. My friends have told me they are worried about my mental health, but I play it off, but I know they are right. I would never off myself, but I am considering getting therapy, if only to have someone to just listen to me.
I just feel like I am quicksand. Sorry for my vague rant. In a strange way, I think it helps get stuff off my chest.