wedding date? help?

futuremrshouse34

well lets see i recently got engaged 12-14-2009. now i want to set a date. we've talked about it but not in detail. and i want a date!! how do i go about talking to him about? picking one? i noticed a message he sent sayin it's gonna be awhile before that day happens, unless she has plans of her own. i don't know what exactly he meant by that!! what do i do? i want something to look forward to and plan for. its kinda hard to do that without a date or a season to prepare for. i'm lost. i'd like something in december or jan. but i don't know. i need help!!!!

demeoja

If you can't talk to him about the wedding date, what can you talk to him about?  See what he had in mind, tell him what you were thinking, then compromise.

Just talk to him, but don't be bummed if he isn't as excited about it as you.  As another recently engaged lady- the men in our lives don't get quite as excited as we do!

jnish

I think you should talk to him and see how long of an engagement he was thinking, it sounds like he may be planning to wait a while. I just recently got engaged also and we are planning on a two year engagement which sucks because I am excited and want to book things but its a little to early!. But we are both on the same page about it.

AdeleDazeem

My fiance and I got engaged in March 2009 and I was too overwhelmed to think about a wedding date.  As we got used to being engaged (and the questions from the parents became ever present), I stopped and took a long look at the upcoming events in our lives.  I picked two different time periods for a wedding that had pluses and minuses to both.  My fiance and I discussed them and picked one.  It was one of the most straightforward conversations ever.

Don't over think it.  Just talk to him about your time period vs. what he would like as an engagement length.  Definitely discuss budget for the wedding and when you'll have said money for a wedding.

I know you are excited and "want something to plan," but I highly recommend enjoying your engagement for a bit.  Marriage is a life transition.

emilyinchile

To answer your question, picking the wedding date depends on factors like where you'd like to do it (some venues book far in advance), your budget (who's paying? does anyone need time to save money?), the season you both prefer and just plain how long you'd like to wait before you get married.

But it's very worrying that you're agreeing to marry someone and yet feel like you can't have this conversation with him. It shouldn't be a sensitive topic. It's also worrying that you "found a message" (were you snooping?) that makes it seem as though he has a totally different idea of when he'd like to get married and that makes it seem as though he knows you're on different wavelengths. You need to discuss this ASAP and figure out if it's a red flag of more issues to come.

I <3 Seabass

As far as setting a date there's an article here about it http://www.soulfulengagements.com/1/post/2009/11/setting-your-date.html

As far as talking to your FI about it, just ask him flat out when he thinks would be a good time to get married and take it from there.

FutureMrsBoucher

when FI and i first got engaged, i called my mom right away. less than 5 minutes of being engaged, and she asked what date we had picked! haha! needless to say, we told her we didn't have one yet.

we decided to take a few weeks and just enjoy being engaged before seriously discussing the date. i kinda had one in mind, and one day he surprised me by saying, "what would you think of this date?" which just happened to be the one i had in mind! 

but here's the thing: you need to be open with your FI. if you're already having trouble approaching him with things like this, it's not going to get easier unless you work at it. sit him down and have a straight-up conversation about it. and don't be scared about it!! he asked you, so obviously he wants to marry you [:

Vintagelove4

I think you two should sit down and have an adult conversation about it. It might be a "right now" thing in your mind but it could be way far off in his mind.