heartbroken

kityjane2

My FI and I mutually decided we were going to get married, and we are going to get married in Jan, so it is a rather short engagement. We are both very happy and excited.

I went online and picked out a ring at Helzberg diamonds. I wanted something small, because I teach horseback riding lessons, and i didn't want it to fall off or knock stones loose, so I picked a pretty little 1/4 ct. white gold. It is VERY simple. and little but I JUST LOVE IT.

My FI asked my father on Sunday,and my dad gave his blessing and my father must have told my mother.

This morning I came home and my mother is tapping her foot, and all pissed off, and I have no idea what is wrong. I asked, and she said she did not sleep, so I asked why...

She said, Because of you. and my jaw dropped, and I asked what now....

 She said she was pissed off that we only spent $200 on  my ring, and she proceeded to lecture me for about 20 minutes, on how my father would have lent my FI money, and how I will hate the ring, and always look at it in the years to come, and have a distain for it.

And later in the conversation she tells me she is happy for me and my FI is great... BUT she has not even seen the ring, they are just giving me a hard time because he did not spend a lot of money on it. He wanted to but I wanted to have something small and I would rather spend the money on the wedding.

But I am absolutely crushed, it hurt my feelings so bad, 1st that my mom didn't even wait until I had the ring, and for me to tell her 2nd that she cared s little about me and my feelings that instead of congratulating me, she criticizes me. Now I am afraid that I will always look at my ring and think of my mother and what she said, instead of when the man of my dreams told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me..

Just looking for support and to see if anyone thinks I am blowing this out of proportion.


Thanks

riverjib

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_heartbroken?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:32447320-be58-4860-975e-a14c618c3f5fPost:39bf9deb-08c6-436b-966c-4f62aa9c67f6">heartbroken</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I mutually decided we were going to get married, and we are going to get married in Jan, so it is a rather short engagement. We are both very happy and excited. I went online and picked out a ring at Helzberg diamonds. I wanted something small, because I teach horseback riding lessons, and i didn't want it to fall off or knock stones loose, so I picked a pretty little 1/4 ct. white gold. It is VERY simple. and little but I JUST LOVE IT. My FI asked my father on Sunday,and my dad gave his blessing and my father must have told my mother. This morning I came home and my mother is tapping her foot, and all pissed off, and I have no idea what is wrong. I asked, and she said she did not sleep, so I asked why... She said, Because of you. and my jaw dropped, and I asked what now....  She said she was pissed off that we only spent $200 on  my ring, and she proceeded to lecture me for about 20 minutes, on how my father would have lent my FI money, and how I will hate the ring, and always look at it in the years to come, and have a distain for it. And later in the conversation she tells me she is happy for me and my FI is great... BUT she has not even seen the ring, they are just giving me a hard time because he did not spend a lot of money on it. He wanted to but I wanted to have something small and I would rather spend the money on the wedding. But I am absolutely crushed, it hurt my feelings so bad, 1st that my mom didn't even wait until I had the ring, and for me to tell her 2nd that she cared s little about me and my feelings that instead of congratulating me, she criticizes me. Now I am afraid that I will always look at my ring and think of my mother and what she said, instead of when the man of my dreams told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.. Just looking for support and to see if anyone thinks I am blowing this out of proportion. Thanks
Posted by kityjane2[/QUOTE]

Thank God you didn't turn out like your mother. 

Kfmarried

The ring does not matter.  What the ring symbolizes and means matters.  My FI gave me my dream engagement ring and some people don't like it because it has a split shank with inlaid diamonds in addition to the main diamond.  Some people don't like that its not a traditional solitaire.  But I didn't want a traditional ring.  I wanted this EXACT ring.  It's really frustrating when people put their negative opinions about wedding jewelry out there.  Its very personal and if you love your ring then that's all that matters. 

You are getting married to your love!  Just remember that and block out all the negativity. 

I wore two black twist ties twisted into the shape of two rings for a year before my FI proposed.  They each had sentimental personal meaning to us.  (Not promise rings or anything just other stuff between us)  My (then bf now FI) never expected me to wear them ut I wore them every day for about a year until he slid them off and slid on my E-ring.  Those plastic twist ties mean almost as much to me as my E-ring does.  I plan on sewing them into my wedding dress.

Just re iterating again that the diamond doesn't matter.  The man (or woman) and the intent does!

Enjoy your engagement and planning and CONGRATS! 

Julz629

Is this the ring you picked out?

http://www.helzberg.com/product/jewelry/rings/engagement/1-4ct+tw+three-diamond+anniversary+ring+1723265.do?sortby=priceAscend

FWIW, I love it.  I think it is beautiful, love the detail on the mouting, and if you're looking for something that won't stick out and snag on things, this will be perfect.

TaraFE

First, remind your mom if you ever decide to trade up Helzberg will take whatever your ring is worth and apply it to your upgrade. Second, it's each persons preference. Don't let your mom steal your moment. My grandmother ruined the day after mine and you just have to remember, this is your time and the only person whos happiness you should be concerned with is yours. If you love it, that's all that matters.

smokyhills

(please be aware that this is my very first post

I chose my ring myself, from an independent ringmaker I've bought from before. It's titanium and sapphire, with a really unique setting. I *adore* this ring - I don't get to wear it yet, though. My boyfriend, however, seems upset sometimes that it's not fancier - he tells me that he wants me to have nice things. I want *us* to have nice things, and I want a ring I can wear without worrying about breaking the bank if I lose it.

Your mom's being a pain. While you can't really ignore her, in your shoes, I'd ask whether it's her ring or yours, and that this is the ring that makes you happy - why would she want you to have something that makes you unhappy?

luckyme502

My mom loves my rings, but others don't.  It's not a solitaire and the center diamond is emerald cut, which lots of people don't like.  Just remember, it is what you and your FI want that matters, not what your mom wants.  Also, remember that this is a transition for your mom.  You will be married, and I think sometimes that is hard for mothers.  You will have your own family, which can sometimes make moms feel less important. 

[Deleted User]

That is a very nice ring. I think your Mom is just being materialistic and I would try (although I know it is easier said than done) to ignore her. Don't let her bring you down. It is your life, and as long as you are happy with it, nothing else matters. It probably has something to do with the vision she had in her mind for you since you were a little girl that prince charming would come along and he would propose with a huge rock. That stuff doesnt matter to most people and it sounds like it doesnt matter to you, so just let it roll off your back or keep your distance from her until it passes so she doesn't depress you.

larina+jeremy

when ppl make statments like that, OP, i think it is more revealing about how they feel about themselves then how she feels about you! i would ignore her completely. my engagement ring is very simple (read: ELEGANT lol) as well because i am a scientist - i work in a lab every day. mine is a 1/4 carat solitare as well and i also LOVE IT. but i have gotten some snide remarks about future "upgrades" oh my. ignore them all completely. you know what you like, and you also know that the man is more important than the ring congrats~!

kityjane2

Thanks girls for all the support!

I am so happy with it and everytime I look at it I smile!