Just Engaged and Proposals

Together for 10 years, finally got ring however...

Long, sorry. CN together for 10 years, finally got a ring yay! However, always knew we would get married, so kind of engaged for years (but still only called each other girlfriend and boyfriend). Would it be strange to have an engagement party after being together so long?

Hi, I have been with my FI for 10 years, since early high school. We have known we would get married eventually, so I guess been engaged for a few years, but never "officially" and I never said to anyone we were, and just called each other boyfriend and girlfriend.

When my friends nagged me about when we would get engaged, I would say something along the lines of "Well, we know we will get married one day, so I guess we are engaged, we are just saving for a house first..." I guess I was kind of embarrassed a little that we had been together for so long, and I felt bad that my boyfriend was always getting hassled, like it was his fault we weren't officially engaged with a ring. It was both of our decision to wait, and save.

The weekend of our 10 year anniversary, we decided it was finally time to get a ring, yay! There was no romantic proposal, I just put the ring on, which I am totally fine with! I told my immediate family and close friends that we finally got a ring, and they are excited, asking when we are having a party to celebrate etc.

FI family had a bday party this weekend (aunts and cousins) and I was introduced as my partners FI, which I thought was nice! And I was a little surprised, as we hadn't told any of these family we got engaged, but I thought they must have noticed my ring. 

I said to the aunt, who was introducing me to everyone as FI "We will be having an engagement party soon, I'll have to get your address" 
and she replied "Oh, have you not had one yet?" 
and I said "We only got engaged last week!"
"Oh, I thought you had been engaged for ages..." and gave me a strange look.

Now I feel like, well we kind of have been engaged for ages, because we have talked about getting married (between ourselves) for a few years, and now I feel stupid even telling people we got engaged, seeing as now I think everyone assumed we had been for years. 

Anyway, do you think most people will think it is strange and AW to have a party to celebrate getting engaged after being together so long? (my sister will be hosting it)

Re: Together for 10 years, finally got ring however...

  • Thanks.
    I live in New Zealand and have never been to an E party NOT thrown by the couple (hence why so many people are asking when we are having one) however, after reading the advice so many times on here, I thought there is no harm in trying to bring a little etiquette to New Zealand, so my sister is going to help me plan, and she will send invites etc. however my FI and I will pay for it.

    It is funny how things like this are so different country to country. I think we would find it really rude to have someone pay (host) any sort of party, be it birthday, or Eparty. Even having bar-tabs at things can make people feel really uncomfortable, having their drinks and stuff paid for. 

    When we go to parties, eg. the last 2 engagement parties, one was at the couples house they had just bought, and it was BYO (totally normal) and the second was at a bar, with a bar tab for beer and wine, and most people got every second drink on the tab, and paid for every second drink themselves. However, gifts are totally not expected at all, and if you bring one (I always do) you would be in the minority.

    Cash bars are pretty normal at weddings aswell, there may be a champagne toast, but most drinks you would just expect to pay for yourself, and thats just normal.
  • Congratulations!  And yes to the party!
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  • Yeah, we have no class in New Zealand haha! I suppose I shouldn't care what other kiwis think about me then... any excuse to drink, they will be happy!
  • When I was reading your story I felt like I was reading my own, except that I dont have the ring yet even though I know I will. I met my bf in early high school and we have been together ever since, and we both get hassled and he gets the brunt of it even though it is both our decision to wait and save as well.

     If I was in your shoes and I wanted to have an e-party, I definitely would. People start to assume if youve been together forever that youre already engaged, especially if you tell them at some point that youre kinda-sorta-engaged in the sense that yes, you know you're getting married at some point. Which you tend to do when people are harrassing you. When I get to that point I plan on having an e-dinner. and if people think I'm already engaged, I'll correct them and say no, we JUST got engaged! no biggie :) Dont let anyone rain on your parade.

  • Congratulations. If it's normal for couples to throw their own engagement party in NZ, then it's not outside the boundaries of etiquette. You should have an engagement party and have fun and celebrate.
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