Eventually in a proposal

Babe213

I am new to all this wedding stuff and I have a major question about the whole proposal thing. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and our first year together he bought me a ring and he asked me if I would "eventually" marry him. Does this make it a promise ring? I thought it was more of a promise because we are waiting for me to get done with school (although I would like to get married soon) He was telling people it was an engagement ring so I am confused. I know he is new to the concept of rings and all but how can we be engaged if he doesn't talk about getting married and we aren't planning a wedding. I feel like I am pushing him when I bring the issue up and I would just like some feedback on this. I don't want to keep pushing him and I understand the reason to wait but at the same time I want to talk about it. Thanks for reading!

Summer2011Bride

If he didn't ask you to marry him, then I wouldn't consider myself engaged. H and I used to talk about marriage all the time, but I didn't consider us engaged until he proposed. It would be problematic for me if he was running around telling people we were engaged and I didn't feel that way. I do think you need to bring it up to him. Just say that you don't consider this an engagement ring because you don't feel like he's really asked you to marry him/you haven't decided to get married. You two definitely need to be on the same page.

holycrapitsalexa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_eventually-in-a-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3ebcc8a3-d313-4215-a030-2a87de658852Post:337ead41-ed2a-41a2-80f7-2941ae7e1b0e">Re: Eventually in a proposal</a>:
[QUOTE]If he didn't ask you to marry him, then I wouldn't consider myself engaged. H and I used to talk about marriage all the time, but I didn't consider us engaged until he proposed. It would be problematic for me if he was running around telling people we were engaged and I didn't feel that way. I do think you need to bring it up to him. Just say that you don't consider this an engagement ring because you don't feel like he's really asked you to marry him/you haven't decided to get married. You two definitely need to be on the same page.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]


Yes, I agree with this! I would say don't nag him about it, just let it happen naturally. However, I find it odd that he is going around and telling people you are engaged. He started saying this 2 years ag when he gave you the ring? Obviously, he is thinking about it and wants to marry you!
It's probably best to finish school, anyways. (Although I am not one to talk...I'm getting married this August and am still in school.) Again, just let him ask and that moment will be one that you remember and cherish for the rest of your life! :) Best of luck!

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_eventually-in-a-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:3ebcc8a3-d313-4215-a030-2a87de658852Post:c0f176a6-2a02-4169-9beb-c4820ca989fa">Eventually in a proposal</a>:
[QUOTE]I am new to all this wedding stuff and I have a major question about the whole proposal thing. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and our first year together he bought me a ring and he asked me if I would "eventually" marry him. Does this make it a promise ring? I thought it was more of a promise because we are waiting for me to get done with school (although I would like to get married soon) He was telling people it was an engagement ring so I am confused. I know he is new to the concept of rings and all but how can we be engaged if he doesn't talk about getting married and we aren't planning a wedding. I feel like I am pushing him when I bring the issue up and I would just like some feedback on this. I don't want to keep pushing him and I understand the reason to wait <strong>but at the same time I want to talk about it</strong>. Thanks for reading!
Posted by Babe213[/QUOTE]

You should talk about it. Communication is kind of important. The ring can be whatever you two want it to mean. It is just a symbol. And an engagement ring is just a symbol that you both have agreed to get married.

Just start out with, "Honey, I've heard you mention to people that the ring you gave me is an engagement ring. I'm curious why you think it is. I thought it was more of a promise ring, so I'm confused." Or something like that. Plus, talking about a timeline might help you out. Saying, "I could see us married in three years. Is that what you are thinking?" Isn't pressure, it is just being honest about your expectations. Pressure is saying ask me to marry you or byebye.

Babe213

Thank you guys very much!  I will definitely talk to him about it and go from there. Once again thanks for your advice and input.

mandi921vh

Definitely talk to him and find out what the ring means.

julib33

I also wouldn't consider myself engaged until he actually proposed. By the time my now FI had proposed we already had a lot of the basics figured out as far as what we wanted in our wedding.
It does get weird sometimes though when someone, not even your SO, tells people you're engaged when you're not. This last summer we went to a very high end wine tasting event with my dad at the country club/resort he lives at. He kept introducing my then boyfriend as my fiance. Not only was it awkward when people asked when the date was and then we had to tell them we weren't engaged; but I think it freaked my now FI out. Then when I called my dad to tell him we were engaged, he didn't say anything! He was just like " I know".
Maybe your SO is having some conflictions about it (as it seems my dad did)? I would talk to him about it. I'm sure he will understand

kellyt89

I'm confused. Did he just start calling it an engagement ring recently or has he been calling it an engagement ring for 2 years?

Babe213

Just to update everyone...it is definitely more of a promise ring. We both talked about it and our communication has improved as well. It makes a cute story because we finally set a date and he did tell me that he is going to propose (the proper way). I just won't know when lol. It makes me feel better because it was just a misunderstanding and instead of calling it a "promise" ring we call it our "eventually" ring. I know I will have a cute story to tell our kids in the future!