Ring Issues

sarahvs16

My fiance proposed spur of the moment, so without a ring.  He then told me he promised his dad years ago that he would use his dad's and his deceased step-mother's rings if he ever got married.  I don't consider myself a materialistic person at all, but I am picky and O.C.D. about somethings.  The rings are yellow gold, which I hate & have never worn, plus I think wearing silver and gold together is kinda tacky.  The wedding band can't be sized, so we have to get a new one anyway. I want to reset the engagement solitaire in white gold. My fiance keeps putting off talking to his dad about it. He's already told me if his dad says no then he'll just have to save and get me a ring of my own in white gold. But he'll still wear his dad's gold ring. My two questions are:

1. Is it okay for us to wear non-matching rings?

2. If his dad doesn't want to change the ring to white gold will it be horrible of me not to wear his stepmom's gold ring? I don't want to start things off on the wrong foot with my father-in-law and I'm worried he'd think that was a slap in the face kind of thing.

And before you say wear the stepmother's gold ring for a few years then upgrade to a ring of my own we already discussed that. I'm not supersticious really but I feel the ring I get married with is the one I will die with, it just seems bad luck to change because then it's not the ring/symbol that you pledged yourselves with.

heyimbren

1. I see no problem with non-matching rings. To each their own.

2. I would try talking to FIL about it. See what he says. Yes, there's a good chance he might be offended. If he is offended, is there anyway you can compromise and wear the step-mother's ring?

However, you don't have to wear it if you really don't want to. Everyone has their own personal tastes, but you do need to be prepared for him to be offended and to have to buy a new ring.

It'll basically come down to what's more important to you: the ring you really want or keeping family happy and saving the money.

CWill16

I could be wrong, but can't they turn that exact ring into white gold? Isn't it just rodium plating or something like that? I am certianly no expert. Any one else know?

IMO, if FI's father already gave you the ring it is kind of yours to do with as you wish...

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ring-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:42d33fdb-6e90-4902-910c-b2a3924cae1aPost:2f7ed909-4b90-4e40-815d-3314141d0ed8">Re: Ring Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]I could be wrong, but can't they turn that exact ring into white gold? Isn't it just rodium plating or something like that? I am certianly no expert. Any one else know? IMO, if FI's father already gave you the ring it is kind of yours to do with as you wish...
Posted by CWill16[/QUOTE]

White gold is gold mixed another metal (usually nickel) and then Rhodium plating.


OP, Have your FI handle the FFIL situation. Your Fi will know if it will offend FFIL after he speaks with him. If you can't use the ring, then your FI and you need to decide what is the best way to handle this.

ki10

The short answer is that, yes, yellow gold rings can be rhodium plated and will look like modern white gold rings for awhile, and then need to be re-plated. If they were previously white gold underneath, they could go longer without re-plating, or they wouldn't even need it. But it can definitely be done.

palmettogirl924

Non matching bands are fine, people have different taste!

As for the gold ring issue, have your FI talk with his father about this before you automatically step into it, that will help put it on a better foot. If you really just won't be happy with gold then tell your FI and see what you can do about it. I understand the sentimental value here- but it is you who will be wearing it! Maybe you can just take the stone from the gold ring? I'm sure his father will (hopefully) be ok with this compromise!

MsRachelT

It really all depends on the choices you all make.

The first step is your FI. He needs to talk to his dad about the possibility of resetting the stone and even melting down the yellow gold and have a jeweler add the necessary alloys to make it white gold and have the whole thing reset. (him wearing a yellow gold and you wearing a white gold is no big deal) Tiffany has a famous trinity wedding band that is yellow, rose and white gold in one ring)
It all depends on how he approaches his dad and how he positions the idea.

Then you both have to gage your FI's dad's reaction. He might be all for it knowing that the ring is being passed on but that it is being reborn for a new union. He might not like the idea and find it insulting that you don't like the style, but hopefully that won't be the way it goes.

Finally depending on everyone's reaction you have to decide what's really important to you. But none of this will move forward without your FI taking the first step and talking to his dad.

Good luck and let us know how it goes....

mediacy

Plating sounds like a great option, especially since it's not permanent! It sounds like his father is kind of domineering--or is it just that you're both younger (20s?) Good idea for your FI to stand up to himself. Also, how old was he when he made this promise to his dad? It's your life, and your FI is making a pledge to you. I don't know why a father would make his son promise to use a stepmother's rings? A good friend of mine has her husband's mother's stone as a solitaire (beautiful stone, sentimental value), but he custom designed a setting just for her, to make it modern and hers. Cause it's your, and his, life and future. My parents had offered me an enhanced diamond (4 carats) to use as my stone, or to trade in (imagine a 4 carat solitaire! It looks so crazy my mom had it made into a pendant) but my fiance insisted on buying me a ring himself, cause of what it symbolizes. If you fiance promised his dead stepmother he would use her rings, that's one thing (or even just the stone/stones), otherwise, it seems strange that his father would insist on it?

Vintagelove4

1. Yes you can

2. Talk to him about it, he may be very understanding.

All said, I'd talk to him about it and see if you can work things out.