Just Engaged and Proposals

Engagement partyy

Wedding isn't until September 2014 is this upcoming may/June too early/late for engagement party?

I'm also thinking of having a fiesta themed backyard engagement party.
Lots of lights tacos and margaritas.
Mexican food is my favorite, just thought it'd me a fun , laid back way to break the ice and celebrate!!

Any ideas?!

Re: Engagement partyy

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2013
    An engagement party should happen soon after getting engaged. Also, you cannot host your own engagement party, so is someone throwing one for you? 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • We just recently got engaged and our families who are planning the wedding wanted more time to travel and plan since none of his family is near us. We have been collaborating on the engagement party. We feel it best. :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-partyy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:4a6bb553-295f-47b3-88b1-2578b8080aeaPost:f74451c5-cf56-444b-b310-af09420fb6ac">Re: Engagement partyy</a>:
    [QUOTE]We just recently got engaged and our families who are planning the wedding wanted more time to travel and plan since none of his family is near us. We have been collaborating on the engagement party. We feel it best. :)
    Posted by aexi1309lexia[/QUOTE]

    <div>You might feel its best to help plan your own engagement party, but unfortunately you shouldn't throw parties in your own honor, and therefore shouldn't be planning (or helping to plan) your own engagement party, or hosting it for that matter.  You SHOULD be providing a guest list, since that should include only those you'll invite to your wedding.</div><div>
    </div><div>Tacos, margaritas, and a Mexican theme sound great!</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-partyy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:4a6bb553-295f-47b3-88b1-2578b8080aeaPost:4e452644-577a-4e31-939f-8d09b6a22452">Re: Engagement partyy</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement partyy : You might feel its best to help plan your own engagement party, but unfortunately you shouldn't throw parties in your own honor, and therefore shouldn't be planning (or helping to plan) your own engagement party, or hosting it for that matter.  You SHOULD be providing a guest list, since that should include only those you'll invite to your wedding. Tacos, margaritas, and a Mexican theme sound great!
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]



    It's actually been a trend lately for people to through their own party.
    It may not be traditional but we aren't so much anyway. ;)
    Also we just bought our home in June and never had a housewarming party so we thought this will be nice to help his parents out.

    I almost feel like I'm being criticized, which is kind of turning me off from posting.
    I also found the on the knot question and answer page
    Wedding Engagement Party: Who Hosts Engagement Party?
    Q.
    Is it appropriate for a couple to initiate their own engagement party or is someone from either of the families supposed to do that?

    A.
    Anyone can host the engagement party, although traditionally the bride's parents host the first soiree. But, more and more couples are opting to throw their own engagement parties these days, so go for it! Also, you don't have to stop at just one party. If you and your fiance want to have a party for your friends and family, your parents can have a separate one later. The more the merrier!
  • freebread03freebread03 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-partyy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:4a6bb553-295f-47b3-88b1-2578b8080aeaPost:7d027b51-77a4-4b9f-9501-ee3018d423a2">Re: Engagement partyy</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement partyy : It's actually been a trend lately for people to through their own party. It may not be traditional but we aren't so much anyway. ;) Also we just bought our home in June and never had a housewarming party so we thought this will be nice to help his parents out. I almost feel like I'm being criticized, which is kind of turning me off from posting. I also found the on the knot question and answer page Wedding Engagement Party: Who Hosts Engagement Party? Q. Is it appropriate for a couple to initiate their own engagement party or is someone from either of the families supposed to do that? A. Anyone can host the engagement party, although traditionally the bride's parents host the first soiree. But, more and more couples are opting to throw their own engagement parties these days, so go for it! Also, you don't have to stop at just one party. If you and your fiance want to have a party for your friends and family, your parents can have a separate one later. The more the merrier!
    Posted by aexi1309lexia[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>The Knot's wedding advice goes against etiquette-this is because they are part of the wedding industry and aren't concerned with etiquette, moreso concerned with making money.  So no, it's not appropriate to host your own engagement party. It's not about tradition--it's about etiquette, and the two are different.</div><div>
    </div><div>Nobody is criticizing you, so that's all in your head.  We ARE however criticizing your idea to host your own engagement party.  Since this is a party in your honor, and people often feel like they should bring a gift, it's just not appropriate to  host yourself.  Just like you wouldn't host your own shower, you shouldn't host an event in honor of yourself where people feel like they should give you a gift.  You can still host a get together, just don't call it an engagement party.  </div><div>
    </div><div>EDIT: Seriously, host a party.  A mexican theme sounds friggin awesome (definitely my favorite kind of food too!) just don't call it an engagement party. KWIM?

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-partyy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:4a6bb553-295f-47b3-88b1-2578b8080aeaPost:7cf341ed-3859-496e-97bc-2f8a9364a046">Re: Engagement partyy</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement partyy : The Knot's wedding advice goes against etiquette-this is because they are part of the wedding industry and aren't concerned with etiquette, moreso concerned with making money.  So no, it's not appropriate to host your own engagement party. It's not about tradition--it's about etiquette, and the two are different. Nobody is criticizing you, so that's all in your head.  We ARE however criticizing your idea to host your own engagement party.  Since this is a party in your honor, and people often feel like they should bring a gift, it's just not appropriate to  host yourself.  Just like you wouldn't host your own shower, you shouldn't host an event in honor of yourself where people feel like they should give you a gift.  You can still host a get together, just don't call it an engagement party.   EDIT: Seriously, host a party.  A mexican theme sounds friggin awesome (definitely my favorite kind of food too!) just don't call it an engagement party. KWIM?
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]




    I never said I was hosting it.
    Just helping out fils that live out of town.
    Not trying to start anything, but who hosts wasn't my question.
  • Hi! Newly engaged here! My fiancé and I ARE planning our engagement party because we are VERY far from traditional. Our immediate family is stretched out around the world and since we will be taking a smaller trip to celebrate our nuptials, we've decided to give nearby friends and extended family a chance to share in our happiness. We are not including a bridal party or an at home reception. This would, more than likely, be the only wedding festivities that we would like to have.

    Anyways, My question for this thread is this:

    Why is there so much criticism and negativity to the "self-hosting" of the E-Party? Everyone has there own right to break from "tradition". When it comes down to it, what IS tradition really?! These threads, in MY opinion, should be positive and supportive and maybe even a little bit enlightening, definitely inspiring! Instead of coming down on new brides that are trying to be realistic and maybe even a little creative, everyone should be uplifting each other to make THEIR wedding experience THEIR WEDDING EXPERIENCE. After all, the journey is incredibly beautiful and unique; just like all of us on here.

    My point is: Have a bit more compassion everyone and extend your opinions with a bit more kindness.. An idea is just an idea and ultimately, while your opinion is sought after when someone posts, it's THAT couple's choice, decision and BIG DAY!!!

    Share with love.Iit IS 2013 after all. We could ALL use a bit more loveSmile
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-partyy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:4a6bb553-295f-47b3-88b1-2578b8080aeaPost:d0b25874-f1b8-48d2-a612-a06716686e4d">Re: Engagement partyy</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi! Newly engaged here! My fiancé and I ARE planning our engagement party because we are VERY far from traditional. Our immediate family is stretched out around the world and since we will be taking a smaller trip to celebrate our nuptials, we've decided to give nearby friends and extended family a chance to share in our happiness. We are not including a bridal party or an at home reception. This would, more than likely, be the only wedding festivities that we would like to have. Anyways, <strong>My question for this thread is this: Why is there so much criticism and negativity to the "self-hosting" of the E-Party?</strong> Everyone has there own right to break from "tradition". When it comes down to it, what IS tradition really?! These threads, in MY opinion, should be positive and supportive and maybe even a little bit enlightening, definitely inspiring! Instead of coming down on new brides that are trying to be realistic and maybe even a little creative, everyone should be uplifting each other to make THEIR wedding experience THEIR WEDDING EXPERIENCE. After all, the journey is incredibly beautiful and unique; just like all of us on here. My point is: Have a bit more compassion everyone and extend your opinions with a bit more kindness.. An idea is just an idea and ultimately, while your opinion is sought after when someone posts, it's THAT couple's choice, decision and BIG DAY!!! Share with love.Iit IS 2013 after all. We could ALL use a bit more love
    Posted by Daj15[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>FWIW these posts don't go over very well on any of the boards. I would suggest you lurk for a while to get a feel for the kind of advice you'll fine around here (read: sometimes brutally honest and always incredibly helpful if you're willing to listen).</div><div>
    </div><div>That being said, the "negativity" towards hosting your own E-party is because you should not be throwing parties in your own honour. It's self-serving and it just looks like you're trying to be an AW. If someone wants to throw a party for you and your FI to celebrate your engagement that's perfectly fine, but to do so yourself is tacky.

    </div>
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-partyy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:4a6bb553-295f-47b3-88b1-2578b8080aeaPost:d0b25874-f1b8-48d2-a612-a06716686e4d">Re: Engagement partyy</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi! Newly engaged here! My fiancé and I ARE planning our engagement party because we are VERY far from traditional. Our immediate family is stretched out around the world and since we will be taking a smaller trip to celebrate our nuptials, we've decided to give nearby friends and extended family a chance to share in our happiness. We are not including a bridal party or an at home reception. This would, more than likely, be the only wedding festivities that we would like to have. Anyways, My question for this thread is this: Why is there so much criticism and negativity to the "self-hosting" of the E-Party? Everyone has there own right to break from "tradition". When it comes down to it, what IS tradition really?! These threads, in MY opinion, should be positive and supportive and maybe even a little bit enlightening, definitely inspiring! Instead of coming down on new brides that are trying to be realistic and maybe even a little creative, everyone should be uplifting each other to make THEIR wedding experience THEIR WEDDING EXPERIENCE. After all, the journey is incredibly beautiful and unique; just like all of us on here. My point is: Have a bit more compassion everyone and extend your opinions with a bit more kindness.. An idea is just an idea and ultimately, while your opinion is sought after when someone posts, it's THAT couple's choice, decision and BIG DAY!!! Share with love.Iit IS 2013 after all. We could ALL use a bit more love
    Posted by Daj15[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Daj, I extend compassion to people with terminal diseases, people who are going through major life events, and people who have lost family and possessions in disasters.  I don't extend compassion to people who want others to validate their bad ideas.  If you need "compassion" and support for your wedding, you probably have more serious issues in your relationship to work on than an engagement party.</div><div>
    </div><div>I don't think there was anything negative in any of my posts--in fact, I encouraged OP to plan a great party and told her that her theme sounded fun.  I don't know what isn't supportive about that.</div><div>
    </div><div>There is a difference between etiquette and tradition.  Etiquette are social rules that we should abide by to make other people comfortable, and is pretty standard across the board.  Tradition is something that varies by country or by family, and is passed down through generations.  People start new traditions--they don't start new rules of etiquette.  So that's fine that you say you're very far from traditional--it seems you are also very far from understanding etiquette and how it applies.  Throwing an event in your own honor seems very AW.</div><div>
    </div><div>For the OP, and Daj-if you don't care to hear other people's opinions, then don't post on a message board.  Nobody is going to tell you how to post, and you can't tell other people how to post.

    </div>
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2013
    Ladies, you will find some of the responses here to be "harsh" in your eyes. That does not necessarily mean that any of us are criticizing you. The truth is, internet strangers are the only people who will be totally honest with you and try to prevent you from looking poorly in the eyes of your guetsts. If we think an idea is a bad one or flies in the face of etiquette, we will tell you so. It truly is to HELP you. 

    Don't fear posting. You may just need to lurk a little to get a feel for the boards and see what kinds of topics are hot button issues here. 

    As for the party, like Freebread said, go ahead and have it/throw it. Just don't call it an engagement party when you invite people. When your friends and family are there, the topic of your engagement will come up, and then it will FEEL like an engagement party for you, but you won't have breached any etiquette by calling it one and hosting it yourself (or helping host it). See how easy?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • As always, an opinion is just that: an opinion. Thanks ladies for responding so quickly and efficiently. With that said, my post as well as anyone else's who differs from the "norm", isn't meant to be an attack on ANYONE"S sense of etiquette or tradition. Likewise, our sense of "taking a different direction" shouldn't FEEL like it COULD BE attacked or heavily criticized.

     Now, I look forward to receiving any and all helpful advice for future planning if I so choose to seek it out ladies! Hope everyone else's planning is going beautifully! =D

    Congrats to EVERYONE ,regardless of whatever type of Bride you are, whether tradional or off the beaten path!

    Happy planning!!!!!!
  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited January 2013
    A traditional bride does the white dress, church, function hall thing. An off the beaten path bride does a flowy vintage crochet dress with a crown of wild daisies and dances around the may pole while singing kum-by-ya and Metallica.

    An OTBP is following etiquette by not bringing attention to herself in any "look at me and my life" fashion. An OTBP bride will properly host her guests the best of her ability, ensuring that there is enough seats for every butt at any point in time, that there is enough food to suffice the type of reception she is having based on the time of day, and that there are enough free beverages for her guests, regardless of the alcholol content. She will not push any cost onto her guests.

    A traditional bride can breach etiquette by hosting her own E-Party, her own showers, bachelorette party, leaving off the SO's of guests and having a cash bar. She can also breach etiquette by making her BMs buy the same shoes, pay for their own hair to be done when she wants a very specific style, not greeting all of her guests, and not sending promt thank-yous for any gifts received.

    Hosting your own E-Party is against etiquette because it's saying "Look at me and my life and how awesome it is."

    If OP is helping FILs with logistics by getting some of the stuff ready for them to host the party with, then it is fine.
    If OP is providing FILs a venue for the party the FILs are hosting, that is fine.
    If OP hosts her own fiesta and the topic of her and FI's engagement comes up, then it's fine.
     If someone, of their own accord under no duress from OP&FI decides to make a toast to the wedded-to-be at said fiesta, then it's fine.
    If OP has a fiesta cake because, lets face it, cake is awesome, then it's fine.
    If someone happens to bring a congrats card to the fiesta becaus they know the couple is recently engaged, then that is fine.

    BUT, you should not be an attention whore.

    Host a party, but DO NOT call it an engagement party.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Oh, and to answer your question, the sooner the E-Party (that you aren't hosting) is, the better. If it's just a fiesta, then it can be whenever.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I understand not throwing your own bridal shower, bachelorette party, baby shower, etc..

    But an engagement party...I wouldn't think someone is being an AW by inviting me to their own engagement party. I don't see it is an event where you have to bring gifts/spend money so why not plan a night when your friends come party and celebrate with you and your hubby?!

    As long as you don't make it like a wedding reception with a banquet hall and cake and all that - cause I know anything involving banquet halls usually means bring a gift aka money - so that would not be cool in my books.

    I also see it as a great opportunity to have families meet.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I think that these boards can be pretty traditional-centric.  I think throwing your own fiesta engagement party sounds awesome!  Kudos to you for being different!  If I had family living close enough, I'd love to do the same!  Have a blast!
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