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Just Engaged and Proposals

premarital counseling

I've been engaged for about four months and I really want to do some sort of conseling for the two of us.  I grew up in a divorced home and am terrified that I will end up like others in my family.

So, i was wondering, what I should expect and when should we do it?  Any good books and or work books that we could go through?

Re: premarital counseling

  • My fiance and I are also doing premarital counseling with a pastor from church, though we haven't started yet.  One book that we read together on our own though was called His Needs, Her Needs (can't remember the author, sorry!).  It was really helpful in encouraging us to think through our expectations for marriage and what is important to each of us, and it talks a lot about how/why affairs happen.  I definitely wouldn't use the book as a substitute for premarital counseling, but it is an interesting read and sparked some good discussions for us!  We're also going to read The Five Love Languages, which we've heard is also very good.
  • In Response to Re: premarital counseling:
    My fiance and I are also doing premarital counseling with a pastor from church, though we haven't started yet.  One book that we read together on our own though was called His Needs, Her Needs (can't remember the author, sorry!).  It was really helpful in encouraging us to think through our expectations for marriage and what is important to each of us, and it talks a lot about how/why affairs happen.  I definitely wouldn't use the book as a substitute for premarital counseling, but it is an interesting read and sparked some good discussions for us!  We're also going to read The Five Love Languages, which we've heard is also very good.
    Posted by Annegirl13
    Willard Harley. I just picked it up a few days ago. Can't wait to read it!
  • Try the book 1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married by Monica Mendez Leahy for some home pre-marital counseling. It touched on some subjects that my FI and I hadn't discussed that can lead to marital issues. I definitely reccomend it!
  • If you aren't getting married at a church that requires premarital counseling then the book recommended above sounds like a good choice.
  • Ok, thanks,  I'll look into the books mentioned here. 

    We are not getting married in the church so that limits many of our  possibilties.

    irshis20 :  When will you be attending the EE?  I read about it and it looks neat.  I'd like to hear how it goes for you guys.  Are you catholic?
  • edited April 2010
    We attended an EE weekend back in Jan. Both FI and I are Catholic. The best advice is to go to it with an open mind. No, you don't have to be Catholic to atttend. They don't push Catholic teachings or anything like that, but emphasize Christian marriage. I think you would get a lot out of it, I know FI and I did even though we felt we had discussed many of the topics already. You can register through their website: engagedencounter.org and then just find your state, city, etc. There should be contact info there as well if you have questions, etc. Good luck.

    In fact, I see you are in Atlanta. We actually live in Augusta, but did the Atlanta one bc they don't have one for Augusta. The people that put it on are awesome. It was a great weekend for us. If you need any more info or have questions, just page me on the June board or PM.
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  • Our Chruch requires Premarital classes. I was happy about this since I too camefrom a divorced family. Our pastor gave us a dvd  called "Making Love Last a Lifetime" by Adam Hamilton. Each week (its a 6 week course an hour each session) we have to watch two chapters (each 15 minutes long) answer some questions & then discuss them in our class. He gives us his insight & we actually leave talking about things we would never have thought to talk about. I myself & so has my FI found this video to be helpful. It really gets you thinking & talking. We think it's such a fabulous thing. I would see if you can find the dvd and just watch it with your FI and see what you two can talk about. he makes really good points and is clear about everything. And it is true if you are getting married by a pastor or Priest they do require to take some kind of premarital class with them. My mom & Step dad had to take one with their priest & they were asked questions each session (they only had 4) and they ha to write on a paper "Agree" or Disagree" If one of them disagreed they would have to talk it out & come to a compromise. So it all depends on the Pastor. But I would watch that dvd like I said very helpful
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  • I am looking forward to our Premarital counseling.  My FI and i are great communicators, so I doubt there will be any surprises.  I am reading ""A Couples Guide to Planning the Wedding of your Dreams".  It has a lot of questions it suggests you look at together and has been very interesting and enjoyable with lots of stories and such.  Good Luck!
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